


The Speech

by HillsHollow, jasmineaqua



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:38:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 49,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3566624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HillsHollow/pseuds/HillsHollow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmineaqua/pseuds/jasmineaqua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing anyone want to hear is 'The Break up Speech'. Tony Stark is so done with love and trying to keep his shit together and having a dysfunctional band of psychos and one particular spandex clad moral fountain of a team leader is driving him over the edge</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Black Sheep - The Choice is Yours

**Author's Note:**

> First time so this might be *meh*

The break up had been civil at best - frigid at worst. Pepper's back had been straight and she had maintained eye-contact when she said 'It's over'. Tony had to hand it to her - she had been a real trooper - between the night terrors, the escalated drinking and all round self destructive fuck fest that was Tony Stark, Pepper had tried to stay strong until she, like everyone, else had gotten too tired. If Howard could only see him now, he thought wryly as he let the hot water cascade down his back - his first shower in 48 hours. 

He knew from the way she had said 'Tony' that this was gonna be it and he owed it to her to not do his self defensive shtick by making inappropriate jokes. He owed it to her to let her go and he did but he cut it short brusquely when she got into the whole 'it's not you' bit. Of course it was him! He was Tony fucking Stark - fuckup extraordinaire who couldn't even keep it together for the love of his life. 

He had nodded, avoided her outstretched hand and had gone home - not with Happy, he made sure he got Pep home safe. He then locked himself in his lab and had grabbed a handy bottle,blasted music while taking a crowbar to half his car collection letting drunken rage mimic his emotional pain. 

Then he was done.  
There is a cool clarity that comes at some point in intoxication, almost like an epiphany but less glowing light from the ceiling. He wasn't built for love. Stark men weren't built for love and he would rather die than put anyone else through the shit his father had put his mother through.

By the time he woke up in his lab again he was ready to dust out the ashes of his heart and keep moving. He had always been told that he didn't have a heart like everyone else and as he absentmindedly rubbed the arc reactor he knew it was just time to start accepting it. 

'Sir?" called JARVIS  
'Yeah buddy?' his whiskey and sleep roughened voice grunted.

' Shall I order new vehicles and a wrecking service?' It amazed him still how JARVIS had discovered sarcasm all on his own.  
'No. You can leave it as it is' he said with a grin. It was evidence of a decision at least.

After his shower he had intended to take another nap but that had been thwarted by a certain russian spy barging into his room.  
'Stark ! Fury's been trying to reach you for forever!' she snapped.  
'First of all Natasha - I'm naked - clothes are needed. Second of all how did you even get into my room?'

She waved her hand dismissive of his discomfort. ' It's not like I haven't seen any of it before' she snorted.  
'But seriously,' she continued, ' Fury's about to pop a gasket so get back to him will you '

He grabbed a pair of boxers and some sweats and put them on.  
'Jarvis where is my Metallica shirt?'

'Second draw to the left' supplied Natasha before the AI could respond.

Tony visibly shivered. Turning and giving her the hairy eyeball he said 'if you wanted a keepsake you could have asked Tasha'  
Her nose twitched at the diminutive.  
'I apologize sir,' came JARVIS, ' it seems Agent Romanoff has breached my security'  
Tony rolled his eyes, ' no shit Sherlock' he grumbled.  
He tugged on the shirt as she handed him his phone, Fury's number already dialing before she left. 

 

Ten minutes later he hung up on the grumpy director. Some things you just couldn't deal with before coffee.  
'He's gonna be pretty pissed you know'  
Tony's heart leapt a little as Natasha materialized behind him, java in hand.  
As he moaned into the offered drink he quirked his eyebrow at her ' So Fury tells me he had no way of getting into contact with me but your little stunt this morning makes me  
know that's a lie.'  
He swore he saw the tail end of a grin. ' You deserved a day off or two' she said simply before walking off.  
Damn she knew. But it was Tasha so he supposed that was her way of being ... nice?


	2. Smells like *team* spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is irritating . So Tony irritates back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an intermediate chapter - nothing particularly important happens. It is minor fluff

It was early – so damn early to be _feeling_. Soon he would have to start building robotic cats to keep him company. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad – they could shoot lasers and he could make their claws out of adamanti-

“Dammit Stark listen when I’m talking to you!”

He snapped his head up to see Steve in front of him wearing the frown of disappointment he had seen on everyone all his life.

“Would you at least _pretend_ to be paying attention sometimes?” Steve sighed wearily.

_How did he get into the kitchen?_

“I’m sorry what were you saying?” he asked briskly. When in doubt just act confident anyway.

Steve made an incoherent noise conveying his irritation before repeating in an aggravatingly carefully enunciated tone, “I need you to help me with the screening of the candidates for potential members tomorrow”

“Spiderman’s too young and that Deadpool guy is a psychopath” he blinked twice to ease the burning sensation in his eyes that came from running on _limited_ sleep.

“Stark” Steve sighed, “Was that your full report? The interviews are scheduled for tomorrow.”

“It’s all we need. Parker is a lawsuit waiting to happen and Wilson is all levels of crazy – he makes Loki look sane – JARVIS, have your full assessment sent Captain Rogers while I freshen up my coffee.”

“Very well, sir” came the reply from overhead.

“Does it include reports on the other candidates?” asked Steve.

“Nope, the other guys were SHEILD agents I can’t trust to make my coffee properly, much less have our backs when we need them so I just picked the most interesting of that crapfest” he replied pouring a fresh cup.

“Is everything a joke to you?” asked Steve with more than a little irritation.

“Look Cap, just because I don’t do it by your book doesn’t mean I don’t do my work okay” he snapped back.

Steve was managing to niggle at him in all ways possible this morning.

He took in his team mate – all round poster child for Dependability and Consistency and DoGood –ery (Note to self: make that a new word).

He was so _noble_ – both in the common and scientific sense and Tony couldn’t help but wonder if Pepper would not have been better off with a guy like this. Wasn’t that what everyone seemed to want? Steve ran on schedules and order and good ol’ fashioned American Values and he could probably remember people’s birthdays without making his AI give him reminders. Steve and Pepper would have gotten on like a house on fire. And the flames would’ve fed off his own dying heart… (Note to self: find cure for emodom)

Steve had opened his mouth to say something when the alarm went off.

Shit. It was definitely NOT going to be a good day.

 

They came back covered in a fine covering of flour. And smelling of burning sugar and cinnamon.

“All those beautiful donuts are gone now!” moaned Clint dramatically, “ We should have tossed the little devil in the slammer – I say killing innocent donuts is a capital offense dammit!”

“Not really our jurisdiction Clint” sighed Steve tiredly.

“I’ll have Stark Industry handle the damage and repairs – JARVIS start working on that,” grunted Tony wearily.

“Right away, sir”

His armour was dented shielding Natasha from the explosion caused by the triggering of the mutant’s abilities.  One of the repulsors was damaged making  it glitchy and erratic. He would need to fix it immediately because the new suits weren’t ready yet.

As he was hitting the elevator Steve jogged up to him.

“Hey Tony, good job out there today”

Well that was new.

He plastered on his trademark smirk, “Good is an insufficient adjective to describe my _performance_ – I’ve grown accustomed to raving reviews from my fans” he walked backwards into the elevator, peace sign in the air.

Steve rolled his eyes but there was a hint of humour in them which made them light up a bit.

“ Just get cleaned up Stark”

“But I like it dirty” he whined as the elevator began closing on him.

He saw the briefest hint of a blush before the doors shut completely and almost did a fist pump in celebration at getting under Steve’s skin.

 


	3. Local H- Bound for the Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old habits die hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where ignorance is bliss 'tis folly to be wise
> 
> everything has a cause or reason

The stunted state of Steve’s and Tony’s relationship owed a lot to how spectacularly shitty their first meeting had been, which, Tony could admit in retrospect, had less to do with the Spangled Crusader than it had to do with rankling memories of an impossible standard made flesh.

Howard Stark was not the best husband or father. He was a cold and demanding man and Tony could never remember him without his look of perpetual disappointment _. At Tony._

The only times he could recall Howard resembling something less than threatening was when he spoke of Captain America. His eyes would flicker with something almost happy as he told Tony tales of the war. All about the good ol’ days- well aside from the bombs, dying masses and all that…

_Captain America – the best of the best._

As a child Tony had loved Cap. Hell he’d practically been conditioned to. Cap was his _hero_. The man that stood for all that was good and right, who beat the Nazis and saved the world. Eight year old Tony had been captivated by him and had collected the comic books and the stuffed toys and had just about made his walls into a shrine dedicated to the man. He talked Jarvis’ ear off with his excited babble and fanboying and the butler had smiled in an indulgent way at him whenever he requested a bedtime story- actually a comic (but he made Jarvis do the voices for it).

But like all relatively good things in Tony’s life, it soon came to an end and his walls gradually became less of a comfort and more of a chastisement as Cap’s posters leered at him while Howard became more reclusive and obsessive about finding the super soldier. And there was the drinking - which Tony could understand the irony of every time he uncapped a bottle of scotch. But it got to the point where Howard's stories became less pleasant and became points of friction between them.

Starks were men with iron in their backbones. Weakness in any form was unacceptable.

Finally, the breaking point came one Christmas, when he was eleven and had constructed a fully articulated Captain America figurine – complete with detachable shield (because c'mon - who didn't want a flying shield?) . His father and mother were also both home for once.

But, in his excitement to show his father his creation he had failed to consider his state.

Howard, who was already halfway drunk and irritable from his latest failed search had taken one look at the thing and had smashed it before cussing up a storm.

He had then gone silent and had given Tony  _the look_. Then he had walked off – too disgusted to even yell at his failure of an offspring anymore. And the silence was even more damning.

So Tony had had Jarvis burn it all. All the reminders of his flaws.

So when the embodiment of all that he failed at stood before him, literally risen from the grave to glare at him, he had used his snarky attitude as his go to armour and weapon.

_I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you_.

In his mind Steve’s voice had morphed into Howard’s. Slipping the knife to the gut in deep and piercing him further than he would allow it to ever show. Because a Stark should show no weakness.

But battling an alien army together as well as almost dying did have at least one good side effect.

Now, their time together was less frictional. Their grouses purely work related. Mostly. And Tony had consciously striven to banish the spectre that hung around every time they were in the same room.

He buried his confliction with the other man under plans and calculation and diverted his attention elsewhere until he felt like he could breathe easy. It wasn't until his relationship with Pepper was on the rocks that he felt his control begin to slip away again.

While he had been mature enough to let Pepper go, he wasn’t mature enough to deal with the break up like an adult. So he buried it all.Again. In work, in drinking, in missions and most therapeutically, in making lewd comments at Captain America.

It was good to see him get off kilter a bit when Tony made suggestive comments.

Flirting came like second nature- he could and  _had_  done it in his sleep. The others would ignore him when he did it unconsciously. Bruce would just give him a half smile and a questioning raised eyebrow reminding him almost of the passive face Jarvis had whenever he picked Tony up from some of his more exuberant adventures as a teenager.

Thor would laugh, amused at him. Natasha would deadpan and make him feel like a squirming kid before a school principal – not that he had ever _had_ any intimidating principals (again the Stark name) and Clint? Clint would probably make it into a challenge and try to out flirt him until it got downright X-rated.

But Steve reacted. He got pink and then red with anger every time Tony called him  _Sugarlips_  and  _Sweetbottom_  ,till he was practically ready to explode. And that pleased Tony immensely so much so that he could almost sigh with contentment as Steve ranted about  _propriety over the comms_.

Although the relief he got in the daytime deserted him at nights. He would wake up from hazy nightmares of pools of water and gaping holes and the sensation of just  _falling_. His hands would be too shaky to grasp the stopper of the decanter of liquid courage.

It was two weeks after the exploding donuts incident and he couldn’t get the shakes to go away. His already decreased lung capacity due to the arc felt none existent as he gasped on the floor of his bedroom, nails digging into his arms as he rocked and tried to distract himself. He had to get his mind focused on something safe.

His brain thrummed with calculations and ideas making him dizzy with vertigo as he felt like his grip on the thin fabric of reality was slipping away. The breathing techniques Bruce taught him weren’t working as he began to crawl towards the door – the Valium prescribed for him by the SHEILD shrink could not be taken with alcohol (something about poor decision making) so he had discarded it in the lab but now he was willing to risk it just to make it all stop.

“Sir, I have detected accelerated heart rate and other signs of distress these signs have exceeded the allotted timeframe and as such I have initiated Protocol X714.” JARVIS’ voice sounded worried and who could really argue with a worried AI?

Bruce should have already been alerted and on his way. Tony’s pride made him dig his nails into the carpet and try to at least sit up.

The door hissed open and expecting Bruce, he glanced up only to be confronted by a deer in headlights looking Steve. He would have snarled at him to go away if he could talk coherently but he didn’t because Steve was already holding the Valium and the next person on the list was either Natasha or Clint – he couldn’t remember.

At this he started to laugh almost hysterically, he Tony Stark could not even remember his own protocol for having a freak out.

Suddenly strong arms were wrapped around his waist tugging him back against a broad chest and there was a glass of water and a pill being held before him. Steve gently helped him hold the glass steady while he took the Valium and began soothingly rubbing his back.

And Tony, though ready to crawl in a hole from showing weakness was too damn  _tired_  to care anymore.

Steve rubbed his arms soothingly making small comforting noises and Tony felt his erratic heart beat begin to steady out until it no longer felt like his blood was trying to claw its way out of his body and the voice in his head telling him to hit something or cut something finally dialled down.

It was like a thick blanket had descended to repress his nerves. Evening out his senses and helping him steady out his breathing

“hey” Steve whispered in a low almost gravelly tone.

And he wouldn’t be Tony if he didn’t mutter, “ I knew you couldn’t wait to get me in your arms”

Steve sighed a long tired sigh, “sure Tony, whatever you say.”

And that irritated him – as much as it was possible to be irked while floating on the good stuff. The last thing he ever wanted was to be humoured. He would take an argument over being humoured any day.  It reminded him of his days back in college when he was around people much older than him giving the look one gives to an insufferable child. It was all so fucking frustrating when he was young to not get half the respect he deserved.

“Don’t do that” he snapped at a startled Steve.

“Do what?” the blonde asked confusedly.

“I’d rather you spit out what you’re thinking than feel like you’re obligated to put up with me”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” asked Steve irritatedly.

“Isn’t it?” mocked Tony.

Steve was silent for a second before taking a steadying breath, “Jesus , you’re a piece of work Stark”

He abruptly got up and Tony acutely felt the loss of skin contact. “If you’re capable of being you’re usual cranky self, I think it’s safe to say you don’t need me anymore” Steve commented coldly before stalking out the room.

And Tony ignored any prickling sensation he felt at the other man’s departure. Because he was used to people walking away.

 

“JARVIS?” he called out.

“Yes sir?” came the neutral tone.

“How bout we switch the priority of the list. I think I’ll prefer Natasha as my back up for Bruce”

“Of course that will solve the problem sir”, came the reply laced with so much sarcasm it was choking.

“How does a trip to Caltech feel buddy?” he asked.

“Making the changes right now sir” was the grumpy reply.


	4. O. P. P.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has an unfortunate and untimely revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned to do this chapter sooner ... and better but like all best laid plans - the universe fucked it up (ah cosmic fucks) . I had also wanted to put Steve's POV because of this poem bit :
> 
> '...The mountains rolled like whales through phosphorous stars,  
> as he swayed like a stone down fathoms into sleep,  
> drawn by that magnet which pulls down half the world  
> between a star and a star, by that black power  
> that has the assassin dreaming of snow,  
> that poleaxes the tyrant to a sleeping child.  
> The house is rocking at anchor, but as he falls  
> his mind is a mill wheel in moonlight,  
> and he hears, in the sleep of his moonlight, the drowned...'
> 
> but I didnt because that would mess with the flow - and this is Tony centric so there ! There is definitely more stuff to come ... and the pace should pick up but I make no promises because it might make me a liar...

It is characteristic of regularly fucking up people to feel the crushing sensation of guilt the next day. Not anxiety, just a god awful sensation on the chest that made it feel heavier. And for a guy with a lump of metal buried in his sternum – that was pretty awful.

Which was why, when he made his way down to the communal kitchen and saw Steve the weight just about tripled and he got ready for the chewing out of a lifetime.

Bracing himself, he gave a weak, “Hey”

Steve looked up from his Wheaties  (seriously, why Wheaties?) and a look of guilt seemed to pass over his face which downright flummoxed Tony because guilt was something he seemed to have the patent on.

Steve cleared his throat and said quietly, “I owe you an apology”

Indeed, flummoxed was an apt description.

 Steve must have seen the flummox and hurried on “ I shouldn’t have just left you like that – no matter what you said”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d have done the same thing” Tony joked trying to make light of the whole air of _feel_ that was hanging overhead.

“No you wouldn’t have.”

“You don’t know that Steve” he replied tersely. Did Steve really have to take such a noble stance on everything? He wondered if the Cap was Catholic – he could give the pope a run for his money  ( literally and figuratively) … and he was old enough (technically) and – Right. Conversation. He and Steve were talking about apologies. Which he should do.

 “Look, I’m sorry I snapped at you last night.” There. He had done the adult thing and had apologized.

And Steve did the noble thing by acting like it totally didn’t matter at all and JESUS! -Did the guy seriously have to make those sad puppy dog eyes of guilt as if he was still beating himself up?

Tony’s hand twitched with the urge to pet his head. He’d usually peg himself as more of a cat person – it would explain a lot about JARVIS but he did have a soft spot for that willing to please nature in certain animals …

“I’d actually like it if we were friends” Tony blurted out because his mental conversation model had reached that point and it seemed like an important and relevant idea so he just said it out loud. It probably frustrated other people when he did that – blurted out seemingly random things but he had grown to accept the fact that his train of thought, while logical in its progression, did not meet the criteria of relevant to others. Others had not accepted this fact but who cared anyway?

Steve’s eyebrow shot up and his lips did the little parting thing he did when he was surprised, “ I thought we already were?”

Huh. Well that was surprising.

“Well, then we need to have a bro thing. Bruce already had dibs on ScienceBro and Rhodey is practically blood – well minus the actual DNA bit and” Crap he was babbling.

Steve’s lip twitched with amusement. “A bro thing huh?”

“You like art right?” he internally winced as it came out sounding more like an accusation than a question.

“Look,” he hurried on, “ so apparently I agreed to loan some art from my private collection to a museum and they want to have this fancy crap where you stand around and eat crappy food and try not to fall asleep and so you wanna go?”

At some point Tony had been known for his suave nature which could sweep people off their feet. But those techniques seemed to have rusted since … well … no need to bring up _that_. Although he hadn’t thought it so bad that a simple invite came out sounding like something out a collection that should be labelled “America’s worst … ever”

It could be a Cady and Aaron moment with the level of wordvomit he was spilling. And somehow Tony was not even the slightest bit disturbed by the fact that he had imagined himself in the position of a teenage girl talking to her crush…

But surprisingly Steve’s face lit up with the first real ‘shiny shiny Captain special’ smile he’d seen on him in a while. You know, the halo lit smile (that precluded an _Aw shucks_ ) that he could use to get you to plot genocide with?

Tony blinked. He needed sleep. Badly.

“ I’d actually like that a lot” the slight nasaling crept into his voice that only happened when the man from Brooklyn was completely relaxed.

It was; Tony thought as he rebuilt the engine of one of the cars that had gone through ‘the incident’; kind of _nice_.

 

That Friday found them both done up to the nines. Tony could admit that Steve could suit up with the best of em despite how uneasy he looked initially.The charcoal black suit gave him a whole James Bond with a  Meet Joe Black finish. For a second as they got out of the limo and the reporters swarmed them like angry hornets, he wondered if he had made a bad call but then he visibly saw Steve step into Capmode as he liked to call it and the group of  reporters morphed from bloodthirsty hounds into fan girls. Because to be American was to love the Captain. It was something that was practically encoded into the DNA and strengthened during History classes and 4th of July celebrations till few could resist that nostalgia that struck them all and reporters were, though he tried to deny it, human themselves.  

But then, when they were inside the building and schmoozing with all the rich elite he had made an offhand comment about a sculpture of Hercules with a bow, saying that Clint could definitely take him and Steve had resurfaced for a second. And there was a tugging sensation in the pit of his stomach as he saw the tail end of a smirk while the art aficionado had squawked in disapproval.

Tony treasured that moment. When they weren’t Iron Man and Captain America, when he wasn’t Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, philanthropist, playboy but instead, just Tony, appreciating the company of a guy called Steve.

The subtle difference was so exquisitely sublime that to the untrained eye it was imperceptible but there was a difference between the faces Steve put on once devoid of the Captain America persona.

There was the Man out of Time Steve, there was the responsible Steve, there was the defensive Steve ready to take on the big bullies, but there was a Steve that had developed beyond defrost and the New York incident. A Steve that teammates saw when they watched _Ted_  for movie night (Clint’s choice) that thought the Boston girl accent was hilarious.

Which was why, sometime between the butt pinching old lady and the ‘minor’ food tossing incident (which he may or may not have had something to do with) and the sneaking out  bit because he knew they were gonna ask him to make a speech and he couldn’t for the life of him remember which collection he had lent and why it was important so … yeah  - they snuck out via the service entrance.  Sometime in the midst of it all, he found himself appreciating the company of this new Steve so when Steve said - after catching his breath from some decidedly unmanly fits of giggling as they grabbed a hotdog;  when he suggested that they should do it again, Tony found himself agreeing whole heartedly.

 

“Did I ever say thanks?” Tony asked Steve abruptly as they stood before what Tony could only call “carpet after frat party”  (Seriously, the crap that people called art some days).

Steve turned and shot him a puzzled look “For what?”

“ That night – did I ever say thanks , because if I didn’t then … y’know… thanks”

And it was important that he tell Steve thanks for that night. Because if it weren’t for that night they’d have never of had _this_.

The other Avengers had looked on with initial surprise and then bemusement as their leaders started to make these outings.  But they had wisely chosen not to comment on it as it seemed for the most part to be harmless and even positive as far as Steve and Tony’s relationship went.

By an unspoken agreement, they did not talk about work or anything like that. The trips were a neutral ground free of arguments except for whether the painting looked like a booger or not.

And Tony even found himself opening up to Steve as they discussed dragons.

“I’m a fan of dragons but I don’t think they ever do them justice” he said as he motioned towards the image depicting a “hero” slaying a dragon.

“The man of science likes a magical creature” Steve had teased.

And yes Tony had to admit that even he had wrested with that little point.

“It’s not the magic pact – I ignore the magic part but it’s their nature I get – not the fire breathing – although that’s  cool but it’s the treasuring bit”

And Steve was a snarky little shit when he quipped “ because they’re about as rich as you”

“ See everybody thinks it’s about money or stuff but I don’t think so”

At this Steve had shot him a surprised confused look which encouraged him to go on.

“ Look, you can own something just to have what nobody else has – and that’s an ego thing – fine- but what does a dragon care about hurting the ego of humans? If it was about ego he’d have had his cave in the middle of a city. For a dragon it’s about _treasuring_ rather than treasure. The value he puts on the things he has has nothing to do with money. So hypothetically speaking, a broken clock can be as equally treasured as a priceless diamond necklace or even more so”

“Sounds like you know a lot about the topic” and though Steve had sounded lighthearted the look he had shot him was deep and searching until he had shifted away shyly.

“Everyone has their own broken clocks” and he had quickly changed the topic.

So he was honestly grateful for that night. Because those trips, those moments were special.

And when Steve just reached out and ruffled his hair which he whined in protest at that little glowing feeling grew.

 

“Six o’ clock Stark!” screamed Clint as he took out the Doombot that was trying to go electric on Hulk – which would only make him more mad and they did have a cost limit on the amount of destruction they could cause. Tony flipped in the air in a way he knew he’d feel in the morning and blocked the attack of the oncoming robot. For some reason JARVIS was unable to get readout on them which Tony grudgingly admired Victor Von Doom for. Getting the best of JARVIS was something he rarely saw and the AI was taking it personally by initiating processing on alternative methods of detection and potential submission techniques. For now Tony focused on blasting them to crap with his repulsors although some seemed to have the ability to self-repair which was downright irritating as fuck.

Captain America and Natasha were protecting the scientists in the lab until SHEILD could organise the extract while Thor and he were doing the air support.

Sam Wilson would have been useful for a job like this and Tony wondered if he could convince him to put in an application for the Avengers Initiative – hell he’d be the best option because they could really use another person in times like this. Tony’s stomach lurched when he thought that even Deadpool would be welcome quickly shaking his head as he realized Wade was equally likely to join Doom if the urge hit him.

“-eve!” Natasha’s voice cut across the comms sounding alarmed.

“ Is everything okay?” he asked quickly.

“Captain is down. I repeat Captain is down and we are overwhelmed”

“JARVIS buddy, tell me you have something” he said grimly as he abandoned suppressing the bots and made his way directly to the lab without thinking.

“ Sir , there may be an option but it is rather risky.” Came the AI’s cautious tone.

“ What?”

“You may be able to use the suit’s EMP capability to create a small window for extraction of the Captain and the scientists” came the reply.

“What range would I have and how long would the solar generator last for if I divert some of its power to weaponry?”  he was blasting through the ceiling of the lab – architectural soundness be damned.

“A fifty yard radius is a conservative estimate and the solar generator should suffice for twenty minutes depending on power output but may  I say that-”

“You may not” interrupted Tony as he took out a bot wielding a chainsaw arm (someone was a Leatherface fan) and headed to Widow and Cap’s location.

He felt his heart stop when he found them crouched in the room. Steve was clutching a bloody angry open gash that went straight across his stomach and Widow was simultaneously trying to take out two bots while cover the scientists.

“Make it a seventy yard radius and have the med team prepped for our arrival”  he said brusquely before he triggered the pulse.

The waves were huge and the comms were shot to shit so he had to pause for a second over Thor to tell him to get the scientists as he flew off with Steve in his hands.

There was no thought or consideration, just the overwhelming frantic compulsion to get Steve to the nearest Medical unit as soon as possible.

He could hear voices asking him questions as he few onto the SHEILD compound and gently rested Steve onto the gurney that whisked him away.

The suit disengaged and he walked alongside the medics, babbling some nonsense at Steve – that he was going to be okay or something until one firm nurse stopped him as they took  Steve behind the swinging doors and all Tony could do was stand there.

“ The scientists have arrived safely and are being debriefed as we speak” came Fury’s voice from next to him.

He had not heard the other man arrive. He had not done anything besides stare at the doors.

“The captain’s vitals have also been stabilized and he’s out of any pressing danger”

“How do you know that?” even to him his voice sounded strained and defeated.

“I have eyes and ears everywhere”

And he wouldn’t be Tony if he didn’t snort at the irony.

He recovered enough to look over at the man next to him. Nick Fury was an enigma to him. A man that was loyal and distrusting. A man whose actions could never be taken at face value but who knew just where to prod and push to get the job done.

“You did good.” Said Fury simply, “the mission was completed and your teammate is safe but now you need to take care of yourself because your back up generator is about to run out”

And it didn’t even surprise him that Nick knew.

“How do you do that- not care?” Tony asked as they walked back. The question seemed to surprise Nick.

“I would think you of all people would understand better.” Fury replied with an arched eyebrow. “I do care but care alone is insufficient to save the world.  So I plan – hell I scheme if it means I keep the people I care about safe and _protected_ \- even if it breaks them.”

And it clicked. Nick Fury _treasured_ the same way he did. Or so it seemed because one should only take everything Fury said with a pound of salt.

By the time he’d changed the reactor core and had gone to the allotted debriefing room the others had all arrived – Bruce included.

And though they were all professional, Tony could see that no one’s heart was really in the debriefing – even Coulson.

When the door opened they all swiveled to glance at the nurse who strode in.

“Report” barked Fury.

“Captain Rogers has made it through the surgery successfully. There was some blood loss but because of his timely arrival and the healing factor he is expected to make a full recovery and should be waking up in a few hours” she replied calmly and efficiently.

There was an ease in the tension of the room visibly. Not that Tony didn’t take Fury’s word , but the guy had once killed Coulson to get the job done.

“How soon can we see him?” asked Natasha.

“ Once the doctors check him over in a few hours then he should be able to have visitors but he’ll probably be in and out of consciousness because of the medication” she replied.

And Fury wouldn’t be Fury if he didn’t add, “ Now that we’ve established the good Captain is safe, can we please get back to the matter at hand, people?”

The first time they saw Steve, he was still out from the drugs – which one could argue was an achievement in itself because his body usually got over most stuff in minutes. But they all took turns to go.  He went with Bruce who gave him a little squeeze on the shoulder and said nothing as he stared at the other man for a few minutes before wordlessly leaving so Natasha and Clint could come in.

 

“Tony, you don’t need a teddy bear that big… no one needs a teddy bear that big” came Rhodey’s pained voice as they stood looking at the giant Captain Ameribear. It had originally been discontinued until *surprise* Cap came back to life and a little old widow found herself filthy stinkin rich as the rights to produce  Captain Ameribears went practically gold overnight. Although the recent incarnations had nothing on the originals but Tony had to admit the appeal of the giant plushie in front of him.

“It’s not for me Rhodey – it’s for Steve” he replied in a long suffering voice. While he preferred to do most of his shopping online, the store didn’t have all its stuffed toys catalogued and didn’t know what to suggest as a “Sorry You Got Stabbed” gift idea.

“Wow I’d have never guessed” deadpanned Rhodey and Tony pursed his lips.

Deciding he really wanted the bear he grabbed it and half carried, half dragged it towards the cash register.

After struggling to get it into the front passenger seat which Rhodey griped about until Tony asked him seriously if he _wanted_ the bitch seat. They finally set off for the SHEILD base.

To say they got strange looks as they hefted the bear was the mother of all understatements although Tony could bet money that Coulson’s also had some longing mixed in with his look of curiosity.

They finally made it up to the medical ward, Tony’s view blocked by the bear so that Rhodey had to go ahead to clear the way after the first three times he had walked into someone.

“Oomph” He got a mouthful of synthetic fluff as he walked into Rhodey. “Hey c’mon Rhodey – warn a guy will ya ?”

“Uhh” Rhodey sounded unsure as he stood in the doorway of Steve’s room causing Tony to peak out from behind the bear to meet the gaze of Steve and the woman who was half leaning in over him. Both were staring at the bear in surprise as if it’s arrival had distracted them from other _stuff_.

“Oh” said Tony.

“Hey Tony, Rhodey” said Steve in a voice halfway between awkward and forced cheerfulness.

The blonde with the killer curves resumed her seat next to his bed.

“Hi cap” said Rhodey warily like he was trying to diffuse a hostage situation.

“We brought you a get well gift” said Tony finally when the silence had seemed a beat too long and he half dumped half shoved the bear on the end of the bed.

“Thanks.”

God of Fuck it was awkward.

“Uh this is Sharon Carter” Steve said quickly and it snapped into place for Tony where he knew the blonde’s face from.

Steve continued quickly, “she’s the-”

“Niece of Peggy Carter, your old girlfriend” he could almost see Rhodey rolling his eyes skyward in despair as he killed all conversation effectively. So he hurried to get them out of there.

“So yeah – you seem busy. We brought you a bear and we’ll get out of your hair” and before Steve could utter anything other than a “Tony”, he grabbed Rhodey and hurled a “bye” over his shoulder as they beat a hasty retreat not stopping until they were both back at his car and buckled in.

”So you wanna talk about what that was?” asked Rhodey as they drove down the highway a bit faster than they absolutely needed to.

“Nope” he shot back.

 

It was Rhodey who suggested the strip club because dammit if the man didn’t know him so well.

One drink had turned into ten and Rhodey had kept up a lighthearted banter with him just waiting until he felt like talking.

“ It’s just that Aunt Peggy was waiting you know” he said suddenly.

“ Aunt Peggy?” asked Rhodey, seemingly half interested as he watched the girl before them sway and show intimately all the places a feather boa could go.

“She came around a couple of times when I was young. Found out later after New York that she was part of SHEILD with Howard but she was a tough old lady so I liked her I guess” he said offhandedly staring into his drink.

“I don’t know when I started calling her Aunt Peggy but it stuck. She talked to me about Cap sometimes. How she still missed him…” he trailed off.

It was strange to realize that the woman with the ramrod straight back who had a tendency to ruffle his hair or give him the hairy eyeball when she saw him sneaking off bits of equipment from Howard’s lab was actually SHIELD but then again it wasn’t really. That someone else in his life had lied to his face was no big surprise.  He knew about Sharon Carter from her files but he had also never expected to meet her in _that way._

“So you’re little weird out back there was because you were thinking about your _Aunty_ Peggy right?”  Rhodey said innocently but the implication was clear.

Tony tipped the girl a thousand dollars and waved her off before turning to his best friend.

With the liquor in his system he could feel himself sufficiently detached and so he asked him point blank “ what are you trying to say _buddy_?” his smile shark like.

“I don’t know _pal_ , but it wouldn’t be the first time you liked a-”

“We’re not going there” he snapped as memories of boarding school began to resurface.

At least Rhodey had the grace to look sufficiently mortified before he reached out and put his hand on Tony’s shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

He ducked his head down to meet Tony’s eyes as the music thudded in the background of their private room. “All I’m saying Tony,” he said gently, “ is that it’s _okay_ to admit what’s really on your mind.”

But Tony couldn’t really. Couldn’t admit what was on his mind. That his moment of revelation came a moment too late. That he always seemed to get the timing wrong. That he had gone against his own decision and look where it had gotten him. So instead all he said aloud was, “and what would that change?”

And Rhodey couldn’t answer.

They came back around two in the morning to the tower to find the rest of the Avengers putting together a ‘Welcome Back’ party for Steve. And Rhodey shot him a worried look as Tony cheerfully bounded into the midst of it all, before putting on a resigned face and helping out as well.

Steve would be released in the morning – because healing factor = short recovery time so the decorations were being organized quickly under the direction of a sassy Phil Coulson. The man was consistent in his devotion to all things Cap if nothing else.

It took them another hour or so to finish and finalize everything before calling it a wrap to get in a couple hours sleep. Rhodey gave him a one armed hug that seemed to convey so much before he got into his cab and left.

As he headed off to his lab, he stopped short at the sight of Natasha leaning against the glass door.

He sighed. Once again she knew.

“Not now Tasha” and there went the little wrinkled nose whenever he called her this. It was cute in its own way.

“kotyonok, solnyshko moyo” she said and she gave him a quick hug, gently murmuring rapid Russian before releasing him and then disappearing altogether.

It was comforting in its own way, Tony conceded as he took apart the engine in a calm and methodical manner. He felt the alcohol in his system dwindle away and he got a cup of coffee to wake him up fully.

Steve would be arriving in about three hours and he wanted to at least be sober and civil for their meeting. Even if it was to apologize for his little gaff.

Maybe she might come too, his mind thought idly and his stomach lurched a bit.

Wasn’t he the worst kind that always let the things he treasured slip away?

He shook his head. He hadn’t lost Steve. A good argument could be made that he never _had_ him to begin with.  He could fix this. He could apologize to Steve and even to the Carter woman if she showed up. He would do that and everything would be okay. Everything would be fine.

Sharon Carter did come with Steve when he was released. Rhodey hadn’t been able to come to the breakfast party because of a meeting but Sam Wilson had come which was good.

He found the time to pull her aside and briefly apologize for interrupting them that morning. Though she politely said he had nothing to apologize for, he saw the way her eyes seemed to search him as though looking beyond him into the recesses of his soul so he made their contact as brief as possible.

Steve seemed really thrilled by the party – well if pancakes and festive decorations qualified as a party. When he had come in and they had yelled ‘Surprise’ his face had morphed from shock to touched as he lugged the giant teddybear with him the sight of which caused the twisting sensation in Tony’s gut.

He had set the bear down on the couch where it took up half of it by itself.

It was Steve that had cornered him later, once the pancakes were gone and the party had broken up somewhat – Sharon had left halfway through on a mission and Tony had focused on his cup of coffee when she dropped a quick kiss on Steve’s cheek. He had also been strangely quiet when Sam and Clint were ribbing a distinctly uncomfortable looking Steve about her.

So maybe Steve had picked up on all of that and so when he cornered Tony, he didn’t even bother to try to run away.

“Tony,” Steve began, “uh look I saw you talking to Sharon earlier so I wanted to know if everything was okay?” he said hesitantly.

“Yeah, I was just apologizing for interrupting you guys earlier – bad timing I guess” he grinned a PR special.

Steve seemed distinctly uncomfortable, “ I probably should have mentioned something about her I guess”

Tony waved his hand, “ not like I expect you to tell me about your love life Cap”

Steve’s face seemed to crumple a bit and he realized that for the past few weeks he had only called the guy Steve when the two of them were together.

“How did you know she was related to Peggy?” Steve’s voice came out quietly.

“It was in Au – it was in Margaret Carter’s files. She and my dad were founding members of SHEILD” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Are we still on for this week?” asked Steve abruptly.

“Huh?” Tony replied stumped.

“Museum trip- the joys of impressionism and stuff?”  he gave a tentative half smile.

And dammit if Tony wasn’t a sucker for those eyes.

“ ‘Course we are, Steve” he said, just to see them light up.


	5. Tom Petty - Free Fallin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we do what we must to protect the ones we love  
> even if it hurts them. 
> 
> (BTW comments are welcome even if it's just to say your favorite flavor of drink - I'm feelin for some cherry goodness these days (actually no pun intended) so tell me what's up with you guys)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels,  
> The dizzy dancing way that you feel  
> As every fairy tale comes real,  
> I've looked at love that way. 
> 
> But now it's just another show,  
> You leave 'em laughing when you go  
> And if you care, don't let them know,  
> Don't give yourself away.

To her credit Pep had given him space since their break up nearly two and a half months ago. And he had shocked himself at how much time had passed. Their communications since the breakup had been professional and about work but Tony knew that she knew. And he still counted Pep as a friend … after everything.

So when the phone rang and her face appeared on the hologram, though he wanted to ignore it, he picked up.

“Yeah Pep?” he asked with forced cheerfulness surreptitiously fiddling with a screwdriver out of sight to give his hands something to do.

“Hi Tony” her voice came clearly over the phone, “ I heard about Steve” there it was – plain and bare, no cosseting or sugarcoating. That was Pepper.

He pulled a wry face and asked blandly, “Do you and Rhodey sit around drinking Cosmos and gossiping about me all the time?”

“Ha ha Tony but I’m concerned” her voice sounded tired and he could imagine the half a dozen files scattered across her desk and the little wrinkle between her eyebrows he seemed to have carved into her face every time he made her worry or get frustrated.

“Don’t be Pepper” he said more seriously, “you don’t need to worry about me”

 _Anymore_.

He didn’t say it but they both heard it which is why the tinge of hurt in her voice when she lightly said, “ I’ve done it for so long I don’t think I can turn it off, to tell the truth.”

He dragged a palm down his face and said, “ So how’s your love life? Seeing anyone?”

“You’re changing the topic Tony” came the scolding but amused voice.

“Not really Pepper. It’s all related. You’re asking me to open up to you about who I’m interested in when you yourself don’t wanna do the same? Pepper, I love you but I can’t do _this_ ” he said flatly.

She hesitated and he continued, “You know I love you, I’ll always love you and we both know we didn’t work together but asking me to come to you again and open up would just hurt too much because some of those wounds have to do with our relationship. And I’m not blaming you” he quickly overrode her, “god knows you were the best thing that ever happened to me Pepper but you can’t expect to give me the same kind of comfort and not see that its killing me inside”

He heard a stifled sniff and he felt like the mother of douchebags for making her cry again.

Her voice came out a little wobbly but with increasing control that only Pepper could pull off in a horrible situation, “ Fine, I understand and get what you’re saying Tony but honestly I miss my friend sometimes. I know this is selfish of me but I do.”

He smiled, “I miss you too Pep”

“And Tony, you’re an amazing person. Don’t let what happened with _us_ hold you back from fighting for the love you deserve” and then she hung up.

Leave it to Pepper to drop a killer line and exit smoothly. She was really stepping into the persona required for Stark Industries’ CEO.

Agent Carter was pissing on her territory ever chance she got. From the lust filled glances she shot as she left Steve’s room to the way she made herself _oh so_ comfortable on his shoulder as they watched a movie in the living room to all the infinitely irritating things about couples that pissed off single people everywhere till Tony “accidentally” had JARVIS revoke her guest codes and lock her out of the tower for two consecutive days after sending the team a memo that JARVIS was acting glitchy and there would be some side effects.

Natasha was his coconspirator surprisingly and seemed to think his juvenile behavior was quite hilarious if the tail end of the grin he saw every now and then was anything to go by (and seriously that was an ROFL for Natasha sometimes).

JARVIS was also quite accommodating to his pettiness and didn’t mind having his competence impinged upon in the slightest, he even wondered aloud drolly if he should start messing with the water heat as well, which, while Tony appreciated, he declined on because cold showers might make the rest of the Avengers less indulgent and he knew for a fact now that JARVIS couldn’t protect him from a vindictive Natasha or Hulk for very long. JARVIS did cover his tracks by locking out a few unimportant people including Agent Coulson to make Tony’s story plausible which only cemented why JARVIS was his favorite. His AI was most amused at this admission.

But still despite his passive aggressive triumphs over the Agent, the worst feeling was actually when he had to spend time with Steve. To have silly debates on whether Dali’s _The Persistence of Memory_ made you crave cheese pizza or not, to wonder aloud if Greek sculptures were anatomically correct and have great ‘dong debates’ as he liked to call them only to see the curators he had bribed for the exclusive viewing times get eye tics from irritation.

 

It was the times they just sat in silence as he listened to the scratch of Steve’s charcoal on his sketchpad. It was something almost sacred watching Steve work – a kind of serenity that pervaded the air as he watched him surrounded by the masters.

It was how, depending on the length of their trip, Steve would sometimes come back to the lab with him and sit unobtrusively in a corner, sometimes sketching, sometimes just lounging around, talking to him occasionally about nothing important. But more often than not, what killed Tony was when the peace would be broken by the sound of the telephone that shattered all illusions every time Steve picked up and his voice got that special timbre. 

But he coped. He was Tony Fucking Stark  and he always would be – whatever that meant.

It was a month after Pepper’s call and she was thankfully not pressing the issue. Rhodey would be back in New York in three days and had already called to arrange breakfast at this little dinner they went to just because.

Today was also special because they were going to the Captain America exhibit for the first time together. It had been a topic they had carefully avoided when they discussed museums but Steve had casually mentioned that maybe he should visit and the wistfulness of his voice had grabbed at Tony so that he immediately made plans. Steve hadn’t wanted him to make a private viewing giving a weak protest that he preferred the anonymity but he had done it anyway knowing how overwhelming it was and realising that some things were better out of the sight of the observing public.

“I’ve gone before you know” Steve said as he drove them to the museum. They were in in his Audi R8, on their way to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, because Steve had professed that he could appreciate the beauty of German engineering like anyone else and it gave Tony a minor thrill as he took the car for all it was capable of, nursing it ahead till it purred and whined under them like an eager tiger straining for release.

“What was it like?” asked Tony carefully.

“Like listening to the echoes of ghosts” Steve replied accelerating a bit more.

The air was stuffy and still as they entered, greeted by the facilitator, a nice old guy called Mr Reisman who had enough tact to keep his greetings polite and brief and give them space once they entered the wing devoted to the Captain America  Exhibit.

They walked at no particular pace. Steve ignored the old war posters entirely but occasionally glanced at various pictures from back when he was a scrawny guy with a nostalgic smile. He kept up a light chatter for Tony’s benefit telling him about the life back in the 40s – polio sucked. About the things he did – got his butt kicked regularly before Bucky jumped in.

The display of the Howling Commandoes took up his attention and he led them to it.

“God the guys would have gotten a kick out of something like this” he grinned.

“What were they like?” asked Tony curiously.

“Them,” Steve looked sideways and jerked his thumb, “ craziest bunch I ever met – although some days I think you guys could give them a run for their money” his face was conflicted between amusement and pain and Tony’s hand twitched to comfort him somehow.

“ God ,  I used to think Dum Dum would be the death of me some days. There was this time we were a little outside of Vienna for a simple recon on a Hydra base disguised as a bombed out factory  and we’re being aided by this German father who had a daughter who’s like nineteen.”

“I can tell where this is going” said Tony and he was rewarded by Steve’s grin as he continued.

“I don’t know who taught Dum Dum German or if he even knew at all but next thing I know we’re hightailing it out of there because her father is after us with a shotgun and Jim is cussin up a storm while we dodge buckshot. When we finally catch our breaths Dum Dum turns and asks us “Ya think it was something I said?”  Bucky had to stop Jim from punching him” he chortled.

“Hey it still didn’t end as bad as some of my nights” replied Tony with a slight laugh and a shrug.

Steve looked at him in the eye, “ we forgot Jacques in the outhouse” 

At this they both descended into a fit of laughter .

“O God those were some good times” he hiccuped, catching his breath as his face grew more serious.

“I think it’s not real sometimes” he commented soberly. “That I’m gonna wake up and I’ll still be the scrawny kid from Brooklyn again who gets his ass kicked in the back alley”

Tony gripped his shoulder and squeezed it. He knew about the days where you questioned your sanity and the world around you but he didn’t trust himself to speak because how could you articulate something like that without coming off a bit condescending or assuming?

Steve gave him a watery smile, “ Sorry, guess it’s all the…Bucky?” he breathed, his eyes looking past Tony as his faced morphed into shock and he suddenly ran past Tony abruptly.

“Steve!” Tony yelled trying to keep up with the other man who was already halfway down the hallway as a door echoed as it shut.

His lungs were already burning as he struggled to keep up with the super soldier and he finally surrendered and called the suit making a note that he’d owe the Smithsonian big time for any damage he caused.

By the time he was in the suit (only two broken doors), Steve was no where to be seen and if his voice was panicked as he had JARVIS scan for Steve, well that was pretty understandable.

JARVIS picked up Steve’s phone signal ten blocks down in an alleyway and Tony marveled that the man could run that far in under five minutes as he blasted off.

Steve was slumped in the alleyway when Tony arrived and felt his heart clench despite JARVIS reporting healthy readings.

“Steve” he called frantically, half tripping to get out of the suit quickly and get to the other man.

He finally grasped Steve’s shirt as he crouched down, “Are you okay. Are you hurt anywhere? Answer me Steve?”

Steve looked up with anguish in his eyes and Tony’s breath caught. “Bucky was there Tony, I know I saw him- he was there I swear! I-”

Tony hugged him close, “ I know. It’s okay Steve; I’ll have JARVIS try to trace him. Wait right here”

He raced back to the suit, “JARVIS buddy, initiate a search for Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes starting from this area and sweeping outwards in a twenty mile radius”

“Right away sir”

Steve was already on his feet.

Tony stopped him short when it seemed like he was going to vault the wall.

“Easy big guy. You need a plan.”

“He’s getting away as we speak Tony” snapped Steve and for a moment he was looking at the guy he met in the SHIELD room. The anger that assaulted him did not belong to Steve but the stranger he met that day.

Tony swallowed as he felt a bead of sweat descending down his temple but he held his ground.

“You go after him blind, we have no idea what could happen. We need a plan of action _Captain_ so snap out of it!”

“Sir,” interrupted JARVIS, “there does not appear to be any traces of Sgt. Barnes within the perimeter.”

Tony shut his eyes, “ keep searching”

The look of disgust Steve shot him over his shoulder spoke volumes as he took off again.

Tony returned to the tower alone via the suit. He immediately began uploading all known information from SHEID concerning the Winter Soldier to aid in the search but so far JARVIS had had no concrete results.

Around midnight JARVIS alerted him of Steve’s return. And though he knew better he went to the other man because he knew Steve was hurting more than he could ever hurt Tony.

Steve’s room was dark when he opened it. He was leaning against the floor to ceiling glass windows that overlooked the city. His shoes were gone and his clothes were ripped and dirty but he didn’t seem to notice anything as he stared lost out the window.

Tony crouched down opposite him, waiting for the other man to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” Steve muttered after a half an hour.

Tony grunted.

“Do you think I imagined it all again?” he asked dully.

Tony shook his head, “ I don’t. We know the Win – we know Bucky Barnes is alive and real and JARVIS has been running footage from the Smithsonian since last year which give the strong indication it wasn’t the first time Bucky went there.”

He saw a flicker of life in Steve’s eyes for a second and the man turned to face him for the first time.

“But he ran, and even JARVIS can’t find him now” he said helplessly.

“Yet,” corrected Tony, “JARVIS can’t find him yet. In case you haven’t realized, I’m the guy who built a flying suit in a cave with scrap parts. If I say I’m gonna figure out a way to get Barnes I damn well am gonna do it Steve” he leant forward and gripped the other man’s shoulder.

“I rarely give my word, but I promise we’ll get him back.” He said determinedly, staring deep into his blue eyes.

Steve cupped his face lightly and Tony’s breath hitched for a second as the light weight of a thumb brushed against his cheek. Then Steve pulled away and the moment was gone.

Later, when he made his way down to his lab, Tony steeled himself for what he knew he had to do. His brain had thrummed with options and variables but it kept returning to the same choice. To protect the ones you loved meant sometimes doing the things they would despise you for.

“JARVIS” he called wearily, “initiate work on project Recall”

 


	6. Queen - Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting the job done is all that matters... right?
> 
>  
> 
> (I wrote this chapter 2 diff ways but decided on the 2nd because well ... I'm an asshole and the world aint perfect - even my imaginary one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never made it as a wise man  
> I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
> Tired of living like a blind man  
> I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
> 
> And this is how you remind me  
> This is how you remind me  
> Of what I really am  
> This is how you remind me  
> Of what I really am
> 
> It's not like you to say sorry  
> I was waiting on a different story  
> This time I'm mistaken  
> For handing you a heart worth breaking  
> And I've been wrong, I've been down,  
> Been to the bottom of every bottle  
> These five words in my head  
> Scream "are we having fun yet?"

Rhodey was on his way and would arrive in fifteen minutes. Tony bit his thumbnail as he stared at the partially complete programme in front of him.

Scoured from dumps he had ‘acquired’ over time from SHEILD’s  databases, Project Recall was being painstakingly reverse engineered and modified from Project Insight.

And Tony knew that project was bad news. It wasn’t a twenty point drop  on the stock market bad – not even a Wall Street Crash bad, it was a Death Star bad but god if it didn’t have the potential he needed right now.

To say he had gotten anything much from the records was generous to the point of being a downright lie. After Cap and the others had done what they did, most traces were wiped from SHEILD – as if it never happened. But there were traces – hints and the barest of whispers which to someone else was as _good as_ nothing but which to Tony – to a _determined_ Tony, was enough.

And so he was building it, from scraps and bits, not to find potential threats but for one sole purpose – to locate Bucky. Because Steve needed Bucky.

He saw the brokenness in Steve’s eyes. Saw the desperation within. And a man like Steve would run himself ragged and beat himself up and push himself to nothingness and Tony could not bear that – would not bear that.

Men like Steve needed to stay bright while men like Tony moved in the shadows, to not taint the glow by making the decisions no one else wanted to make.

JARVIS alerted him of Rhodey’s entrance to the building.

“JARVIS, lock down this code. Give no one else access to it and initiate the protocols we discussed earlier. If at any point you feel your security being compromised then terminate it beyond a single trace” he commanded harshly.

“As you wish sir” JARVIS’ voice was sober as well. He had already made his concerns known; concerns which they both shared; but JARVIS was loyal to him to a fault and always would be, so despite whatever he thought about the project before them, he did as Tony bid.

“Please tell me you took a shower at least?” Rhodey’s voice called as he entered the lab.

All traces of the work were gone from the projector already.

Tony grinned, “ nope”

Rhodey sighed in fond exasperation, “Go shower stinky”

 

Rhodey seemed able to smell the tension coming off his shoulders in waves, which, after his shower, smelled like designer cologne, thank you very much.

They pulled into the little diner they liked. It was one of those retro themed things with the faux leather booths and the ‘vintage’ jukebox in the corner but it did good pancakes so who cared?

Rhodey watched him fiddle with his fork passively, waiting for him to break.

He made a show of putting syrup on the pancakes he knew he wasn’t going to eat because he couldn’t stomach anything at the moment before he finally relented and asked, “ if I was gonna do something really bad, like reaaally, reeeeally bad, would you hate me forever?”

Rhodey arched an eyebrow and asked cautiously, “how bad are we talking?”

“Like say I was gonna take out the President bad?” 

“Are you?” came the calm reply.

“Am I what?” Tony asked confused.

“Are you gonna take out the president?” asked Rhodey seriously, his voice dropped to a bare whisper as he leaned in.

“Am I – no! Look I didn’t vote for the guy but it’s not like I give a crap either way  - I was just using it as an example” he said in a pained voice.

Rhodey leaned back into the booth and shot a furtive look around, “ well can you blame a guy for wondering given our past?”

“What does that mean?” Tony asked irritably.

Rhodey placed a calming hand on his, “I mean, given our past experiences where there was call to have to consider such an option. Look Tony, I can’t claim to understand everything that goes on in that big head of yours but what I _do_ know is that if a guy like you decides to do something really drastic, there’s probably a pretty good reason. Well – _usually_.” He rolled his eyes as if recalling some of Tony’s past stunts, before he took a breath and continued, “And so I _trust_ you, man, and _always_ will”

“Can I get you lovebirds anything else?”

They looked up to see the waitress with a steaming pot of coffee smiling down at them.

“Whu?” Rhodey’s brow wrinkled in confusion and alarm, “No we’re not- it’s not” he fumbled as he quickly tried to extract his hand which the devil in Tony grabbed at the wrist to prevent from escaping.

“Oh it’s all right” assured the middle aged lady with the auburn hair as she started pouring them coffee without being asked (which Tony could admit he liked her so much more for), “you two make a cute couple” .

“Y’ hear that dear, _she_ says we’re cute” singsonged Tony, batting his eyes at a stony-faced Rhodey.

“ Aww ,Bless you two” the waitress said fondly as she waddled off.

 

“Kay I found a time when I can genuinely say I hate you” Rhodey gritted out as he yanked back his arm.

 

When they pulled up back at the tower, Rhodey pulled him back before he could leave the car.

“ I meant it  when I said I would trust you Tony.” He said looking into Tony’s eyes, “if what you’re going to do has you conflicted then I guess it’s pretty bad but I’m sure you have a damned good reason and I also know that Captain Rogers will see that too”

“I-”

“Don’t even try to deny this has something to do with him Tony, I can tell” overrode his best friend with a wave of his hand.

Tony hunched over the steering wheel.

“That bad huh?” commented Rhodey.

“Yup” he replied hollowly.

“I can always help you beat him up if he messes with you”

And that got the first genuine laugh out of him in days.

“What” said Rhodey sounding defensive, “ between our two suits, we can probably take the guy”

“Rhodey,” said Tony looking into the eyes of his best friend, “ you’re the best bro a guy can ask for”

“Damn straight,” he smirked.

 

He returned to the lab with strengthened determination. Blocking all incoming communication he focused on each line of code, triple checking with JARVIS, tweaking and adjusting building something equally beautiful as it was potentially deadly despite all the precautions he took.

And then it was done.

JARVIS was running through the programme looking for any bugs or glitches which they both knew they wouldn’t find.

He stared at the pad in front of him and wondered if Dr Erskine’s formula had ever looked as innocuous as this.

“Initial tests are complete sir, the programme is fully functional” came JARVIS’ voice.

“Commence scans and initiate all protocols” said Tony.

“Shall I call Captain Rogers now sir?” asked JARVIS, the concern evident in his voice.

“What’s he doing?”

“The captain is currently in the gym, he has just replaced his third punching bag”

“Wanna bet I’ll be the fourth?” he joked grimly.

“Sir?”

“Have him come down to the lab”

 

It took Steve about three minutes to get there and Tony nervously bit on his thumbnail as he decided how best to tell what he was doing to Steve.

Steve came in coated in a light sheen of sweat but breathing normally. The smell of his cologne mixed with raw masculinity was a heady combination and even as he stood still the man’s body emanated intoxicating power.

“You wanted to see me Tony” he asked quietly.

They hadn’t spoken since the night – since the moment really (which Tony was half sure he imagined or misconstrued anyway).

“Uhh yeah,” he shook his head to clear the effects that Steve had on decreasing his brain cells, “ – yeah I have something to tell you – so I need you to sit down and listen to me calmly”

This only made Steve more nervous and Tony knew he was doing a crap job already.

“Is this about Bucky?” his voice was tense.

“Look I think I might have a way to find him” he said quickly.

Steve’s eyes lit up like Tony had given him a lifetime’s worth of birthday presents.

“How?” he said quickly, stepping closer to Tony until they were an arm’s breadth away.

“You’re not going to like it.”

Steve’s faced morphed, “What do you mean Tony?”

“Project Insight” he said simply.

Steve’s face was livid, “That technology was destroyed – we made sure of it!”

“It was and it wasn’t – look the technology was destroyed but not perfectly. I broke into SHEILD since New York okay – I know Fury thinks they got me out of their system but there were hints about what Project Insight could do – could potentially do – including find a person you need to find”  he babbled, his carefully constructed explanation forgotten in his panic.

“ Shut it down” came Steve’s controlled voice.

“You’re not listening to me!” said Tony in frustration. He needed Steve to understand why it was different this time.

“I’m not using high tech satellites and the code is reversed engineered and modified specifically and solely for Bucky” he hurried on in Steve’s unimpressed gaze, “ it’s like this – everything electric that sends a signal could potentially be found if you know what signal to look for – which we don’t which is why this is so damned hard but what we do know is that Bucky resurfaces in cities – cities loaded with people who use cell phones and Starkpads and technology and we can use that to find him…maybe”

“It sounds to me that you are using civilians to spy for you Stark, civilians that could be put in harm’s way for no reason. It also sounds like you’re invading people’s privacy” Steve said coldly.

And Tony couldn’t deny that because the potential was there. And he had thought about it.

“What’s to stop you from not stopping if this all doesn’t pan out?” Steve continued and the accusation was clear in his voice.

“This” he tossed Steve the pad and he caught it deftly.

“What’s this?” he sounded so suspicious and Tony couldn’t blame him.

“That’s the only way to access the system once it’s up and running – which it is now but it might still take some time to confirm it’s tracking something more than someone’s busted microwave. Any and all information retrieved from scans only go through that pad and the only person with authorization to use it is you”

Steve looked shocked and Tony continued on wearily, “Look Steve, I know you don’t trust me not to abuse this technology - hell I don’t trust me. But I do trust you. Once it’s done and Bucky is found you’ll be the only one who can use it or destroy it. It has a built in self-destruct if it falls into the wrong hands as well as a sequence which wipes all traces of it from JARVIS once it’s purpose has been realized. I know what happens when tech falls into the wrong hands so give me a little credit will ya” he finished brokenly.

He felt rather than saw Steve coming towards him and clenched for the blow that never came.

Strong arms wrapped around him and held him close and it was more than he could dream about because it felt so real and perfect as the heat from Steve seeped into his cold body.

“I do trust you, y’know Tony” Steve’s voice rumbled against him, “ it’s just the technology that could easily destroy people’s lives I have a problem with”

Tony closed his eyes and sighed, “ take away my technology and I’m not sure what I have sometimes”

Steve pulled back gently to stare into his eyes, “you have me and always will”

And Tony gave into the urge and kissed him.

Steve seemed surprised as their lips brushed together and Tony could taste the lingering trace of salt on the softness of his skin.

And it was perfect –a fragment of a moment so fucking perfect it was breath-taking– so fucking perfect until the pad , now sitting on the table, went off.

 

They broke apart as if they had been stung.

“JARVIS?” Tony called.

“It seems that Sergeant Barnes may potentially be found sir” The AI almost sounded apologetic.

“What?” Tony was confused. There was no way it should be that easy. It never was. He had expected days at least before the first hit.

“It seems that there is an anomalous electric signal being emitted sir. Location has been directly imputed into the pad”

Steve glared at the pad, his face a conflicted mixture of revulsion and desire.

Hesitantly he stepped forward, hand tentatively inching forward.

“How certain is this JARVIS?” Steve asked, his voice filled with wonder.

“There is a sixty eight percent possibility Captain Rogers.” Replied the AI.

“And the chances of it being a busted toaster?” he continued.

“ none sir”

He turned to Tony and his face made the engineer’s breath catch, “guess I’m just as weak as everybody else huh?”  he asked mirthlessly.

“JARVIS,” Steve asked, “how do I access this thing?”

 

They were suited up and were meeting up with Natasha and Clint at the rendezvous point. Bruce was out in the wilderness meditating and Thor was still offworld in Asgard.

Steve hadn’t spoken a word to him since acquiring the coordinates. He could almost hear Obie’s cackling jeer in his head and he bit his lip furiously as he took off from the landing pad.

He had thought he was doing the right thing. God – wasn’t that always his problem?  He had thought he was saving Steve from the darkness; that he could take the blame all to himself; but instead he had simply polished the apple and handed it to him. He had done worse than make a god bleed, he had broken a good man by showing him his weakness.

 

“Are we informing SHEILD of this development or not?” was the first question out of Natasha’s lips once she had been briefed on the situation (and even the brief was brief). He could see the questions dancing around in her eyes but she refrained from voicing them.

Clint wisely chose not to dig too deeply either as he scanned the perimeter from their base of operations a half block away.

“No” Captain America replied decisively. “This is external to SHEILD and the less they know the better”

Natasha nodded simply. It didn’t particularly seemed to bother her that they were taking on the man who had gotten the bead on her before (which was really all Tony needed to know about the Winter Soldier’s capabilities).  But then again, this was the woman SHEILD sent to recruit the Hulk for the Avengers so it also said something about her sanity.

“Target appears injured” called Clint.

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Captain America sharply.

“Seems like something’s wrong with the metal arm” Clint tilted his head to get a better look.

It would explain a lot, thought Tony, – especially why JARVIS could find him so quickly. He could guess as well that any safety precautions or potential cloaking abilities of the arm might have been compromised.

Captain America walked closer to him and pulled out the pad when he was next to Tony, “ We’re sure it’s Bucky. How do I destroy this thing?”

“The codes are already inputted, just tell it to terminate” he said quietly.

He gave the order and the voice activated codes lit up, scanning his retina for confirmation before systematically destroying all evidence of its existence.

Tony knew, though he couldn’t see it, that JARVIS was now also wiping all traces of the program from his system till not even an obscure binary string remained.

“Is it done?” asked Cap brusquely.

“Yes” he replied, “it’s gone completely”

“Good” the other man said before snapping the pad in half and shoving it into one of his pouches.

Tony could see Widow observing them from his periphery her face a mixture of curiosity and concern. He wondered if she would hate him too if she knew what he had done.

Despite their moment in the lab – all notions of what ifs and perhaps had been wrecked when the pad had lit up. Despite Steve’s assurance that he’d always have him, the act of pressing the button had sealed the certainty that those words were empty and Steve would still hold some blame towards him because he finally _knew_ what Tony could do – what he was capable of. That he wasn’t the funny little inventor who built them gadgets to take on the bad guys. Steve knew he was a walking threat, who didn’t need an arms company to be dangerous.

“Let’s go over the plan” came Captain’s voice, snapping Tony back into focus.

 

The plan was sketchy at best – downright dangerous at worst. The fact that they were aiming at suppression rather than termination made it all the more risky.

Steve had wanted to speak to Bucky first, an idea which they had all tried to veto until a compromise was made that he could do it once support was established.

The tranquilizers loaded into their weapons were initially made for the Hulk – it was a bust but it was the strongest stuff on Earth at the moment.

Hawkeye would take up position from this building’s rooftop while Iron Man and Widow would simultaneously come in from above and the back of the soldier’s building leaving Captain America to go in from the front.

 

Before they separated Tony wished there was something he could tell Steve, he settled for stopping the other man by the arm as he flipped up his faceplate and simply saying, “be careful”

It wasn’t what he wanted to say but it was probably the most he would be allowed to. Steve stared into his eyes and replied briefly, “you too” before pulling away.

The assassin seemed to get antsier the closer they got to the building, his heat signal showing him glancing around furtively like a dog sniffing the air.

“Guys I think he knows we’re here” he said.

“Stick to the plan Iron Man, this can still work” came the Cap’s voice.

“I’m in position” came Widow and Captain America took that as the signal to enter the building.

Tony had heat visual and audio from the comms but it didn’t quell the anxiety rushing up.

The Winter Assasin had back into a wall to give himself protection as Steve entered, arms up.

“easy buddy. We’re just here to talk”

“Who are you? Why do you keep appearing?”  snapped the Winter Soldier.

“It’s me Bucky, it’s your friend Steve” he cautiously took off his mask to show his face to the other man.

“I don’t know that name. Why are you here?” the soldier demanded. The gun in his human hand twitching.

Natasha was making her way up from the back to the second floor to get a clean shot. She crept quickly but silently, taking advantage of Bucky’s preoccupation with Steve.

But somehow the soldier seem to detect her and snapped his head in her direction. Tony instantly pointed his repulsor at Bucky’s heat signal.

“Calm down Bucky” commanded Steve. “It’s fine – we’re friends!”

“Stop calling me that!” he snarled and raised his rifle at Steve.

“I’m taking the shot” came Natasha’s voice and the sound echoed over the comms before Tony could even react as he watched the Winter Soldier collapsed.

“Target is down” she said calmly as Tony watched Steve rush forward to his friend.

“Well that went well” said Clint.

 

Natasha blissfully ignored the furious Steve as they hoisted the unconscious man into the unmarked van and drove to the tower.

Now Tony could add skilled co-kidnapper to his resume.

 

The basement room had been set up for something between the Hulk and Loki based on the schematics of the containment tank made by SHEILD with some necessary tweaks.

He had had JARVIS prep the medical equipment in case it got bloody.

 

“Initiate tower lockdown JARVIS.” He commanded as they hoisted Bucky unto the hospital standard bed.

“Tower is secure, sir”

Clint and Natasha had wisely chosen to clear the area once Bucky had been secured in the room. Steve had rejected the suggestion to strap the soldier in, “He’s not an animal!”

So it was now just him, Steve and Bucky in the room while JARVIS scanned for any internal injuries on Bucky.

“Scan complete sir. While Sergeant Barnes does not have any injuries, preliminary scans of his prosthetic arm indicate that it is severely damaged”

“How long will he be out for?” asked Steve.

“Sergeant Barnes should be unconscious for at least three hours based on the strength of the tranquilizer; however this is an estimate using Captain America’s vitals as basis. It may be longer”

The arm was emitting small sparks so Tony said, “ JARVIS, have my tools sent down here please”

“What are you going to do?” for the first time Steve was looking directly at him.

“I’m going to fix his arm” he replied quietly.

“Because you always need to fix things right” he knew the jab was misdirected worry but it was like the helicarrier all over again.

“I try!” he snapped, “And in case you haven’t realized – your friend is here. The program is destroyed – problem fucking solved!”

“You-!” started Steve , before he sighed and pulled back, “God I can’t even…”

And then he shot him _the look_. It was always the look that killed Tony. And the other man strode away.

“JARVIS, make sure I have everything I need” said Tony quietly.

“Your tools are on the way sir”

 

It took some time to run a full diagnostic on the arm and detect where the problem was, and even more to work around the crapfest that was the circuitry so that he didn’t cause more harm as he began repairing so Tony didn’t realise when the soldier awoke until the fingers tightened around his neck and began squeezing.

“Who the fuck are you?” whispered Bucky.

“Tony Stark” he choked out, dropping the soldering gun with a clatter.

“You’re not one of them” he whispered his hands loosening a fraction.

“No, I’m not Hydra. I’m the guy who’s fixing your arm, whose air your cutting off – which I suggest you stop doing”

“Or else what?”

“Or else those guns aimed at you splatters your brains across the floor before you move another muscle” replied Tony calmly pointing to the ceiling.

The soldier glanced up and saw the weapons trained on him, observing his most minute actions under the control of JARVIS.

Tony could see the wheels spinning in the Soldier’s head as his hand relaxed and pulled away in surrender.

He rubbed his throat and cleared it. “Sorry about that, my butler takes any threat to me personally, don’t you buddy?”

“Indeed” came JARVIS’ voice coldly.

Bucky jumped and glanced around the ceiling.

“It’s okay” soothed Tony. “It’s a computer programme called JARVIS, he’s my friend. Everything is fine”

It seemed that soothing words only confused Bucky more. He looked almost vulnerable. Like a wounded dog who had gotten beat one too many times till he couldn’t understand the meaning of a gentle petting.

“I can fix your arm. Can I do that ?” Tony asked gently.

And despite his conflict, suspicion and confusion, the soldier deliberated and nodded in consent, leaning back into the bed.

Tony hesitated before resuming soldering as a thought struck him. “Do you feel it when work is being done on the arm?”

Bucky glanced at him, assessing the question briefly, before nodding.

“Would you like me to give you something for the pain before I continue working?”

“Pain is irrelevant. Functionality is the main priority” came the toneless voice.

“Don’t” cut in Tony.

“Don’t say that” he continued, “if it hurts, let me know please”

The other man arched an eyebrow but said nothing so Tony sighed.

When Bucky showed no sign of consenting to the drugs, or even interest in them, he gave up his attempt to persuade the man.

He resumed soldering, trying to be careful and precise to avoid causing unnecessary pain to Bucky.

“What should I call you?” he asked quietly.

Bucky didn’t reply so he looked up.

The other man’s brow was wrinkled but he said nothing.

“The other man called me Bucky” he finally replied quietly.

“You don’t like that name then?” asked Tony in a mild tone as he resumed work.

“I don’t know who that is. I saw – pictures and stuff that look like me but I don’t know that person”

“Do you know me?” the question threw Tony. He wondered how best to approach it before settling on careful honesty.

“I’ve never _met_ you before today.” He conceded before continuing, “But I know your name is James Buchannan Barnes, you were a soldier in the US Army and you’re friends with the blonde guy – His name is Steven Rogers – you grew up together”

He decided to leave out all the frozen for years and different era bits-skipped out the Hydra capture and *probable* torture and brainwashing – because who needed a complicated backstory?

“If I’m supposed to be _his_ friend, why are _you_ doing this?” he asked Tony.

Which, Tony had to admit, was a pretty damned good question.

“Because I’m the only one capable of fixing your arm. And your arm is important to you and you are important to him” he replied.

“And he’s important to you” finished Bucky.

“Unfortunately” replied Tony darkly.

“Why is that a bad thing?” asked Bucky with the most curiosity he had shown the entire conversation.

And Tony answered because he had nothing to lose, “ because while he’s important to me, I don’t think I’m as important to him or at least – not anymore. Because I broke our friendship like I break everything else because I’m a selfish person and it sucks that I can’t tell him sorry in anyway besides fixing the arm of the assassin in my basement and -oh god!- saying I have an assassin in my basement is not even the weirdest thing I’ve ever said and do you understand how fucked up that is?!” He was halfway laughing halfway crying hysterically as he set aside the soldering iron and gripped his arm to prevent the oncoming anxiety attack.

A gentle touch to his shoulder made him look up to see a decidedly _concerned_ looking Bucky staring down at him who asked bluntly, “ are you going crazy?”

Tony snorted. “Little bit”

Bucky nodded in understanding, “I know the feeling”

And Tony chuckled, “Amen to that”

 


	7. I’d do anything for love (but I won’t do that)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abrupt decisions and hints of a hidden past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You and I got somethin  
> But it's all and then it's nuthin to me, yeah  
> And I got my defences  
> When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah  
> And we wake up in the breakdown  
> With the things we never thought we could be, yeah  
> I'm not the one who broke you  
> I'm not the one you should fear

Tony couldn’t sleep but who could blame him? When you’re keeping a legendary assassin a.k.a the best friend of the guy you’re crushing on, well … sleep didn’t really come to you. And that was the lie/ line he was gonna use this week to explain his persistent insomnia.

After only doing a simple patch for Bucky’s arm that had returned basic functionality to the limb, Steve had returned to the room.

He had probably been alerted about Bucky’s return to consciousness by JARVIS and had hightailed it down to the basement as fast as his tight tush could have carried him.

Tony wouldn’t say that he and the soldier were fast on their way to being BFFs who braided each other’s hair and talked about who was crushing on who… but they _had_ agreed to Tony calling him James because Tony refused to call a human being by a serial code and the soldier didn’t have a track record of responding well to the name ‘Bucky’.

Whether Steve was going to get that through his head was up to him. He had brushed past Tony without sparing him a glance and fuck if it didn’t stab a little somewhere deep. So Tony had retreated to his lab to lick his wounds. He reasoned that Steve could probably restrain James on his own if he needed to. JARVIS would call for help anyway. He sat down on the couch he usually passed out on when sleep finally caught up with him (however briefly) in the lab and curled himself into a ball, trying desperately to make himself smaller while his lungs protested as the arc pressed heavier on his chest.

Dummy was whirring frantically in the background, bringing him screwdrivers and oilcans and anything he could rest his little claw on to cheer his inventor up, until there was an obstacle course’s worth of items littered on the ground before him. Butterfingers and U were standing guard around him as if they could protect him from some imaginary attacker. And  it was… nice? Well aside from the fact that he was feeling like a high school girl after her first break up – that part sucked but the bots caring so much was somewhat touching he supposed.

 

Tony wasn’t sure how much time passed as he sat there but all his mind could focus on was the last time he had been in the room. He stared at his workstation and kept reliving that brief moment when their skin had connected over and over and o- _to- the- fuckin’_ \- ver because his mind thought an endless loop was  a great feature to have .

God! What he wouldn’t give for a drink.

As if on cue JARVIS said, “ Sir, might I suggest that you eat something? Your last meal _was_ several hours ago.”

“Not hungry”

“Then perhaps you might consider bringing food to the new houseguest”

“Hasn’t anyone seen to that? Haven’t you seen to that?” Tony asked JARVIS confused.

“Captain Rogers did enquire about Sergeant Barnes’ appetite but he appeared unresponsive”

“So where is the Captain now?”  asked Tony pointedly

“He appears to be in the gym sir”

Tony snorted, “ So he left – big surprise”  He seemed to do that a lot.

“Sir?”

“I can take a hint JARVIS. I’ll get us _both_ something to eat ‘kay honey?”

“That does seem to be an admirable solution sir”

He hoisted himself wearily off of the couch, much to Dummy’s delighted beeping. He patted the bot affectionately as he manoeuvred around his ‘gifts’. Good thing too because Dummy had been  getting closer to the direction of the blowtorches.

The hallway was clear as well as the living room and the kitchen, for which Tony was grateful.

Tony hated cooking for himself- he usually got takeout or ate out or … just didn’t eat. As long as the coffee maker was working who really needed food?

He yanked open his expensive fridge and surveyed its interior.

Because of their different tastes, JARVIS stocked the kitchen with a wide variety of ingredients. None of which Tony could use.

He finally spotted some sandwich making stuff  behind some exotic looking bottles (because no one organized the fridge properly) and yanked them out, reasoning that that shouldn’t be too hard because he recalled doing that at least one before.

“JARVIS, where do we keep the bread?”  

“In the breadbox sir” came the reply.

“What is a breadbox?” Tony asked nonplussed.

“The metal container to your left sir”

“You could have just said that”

“Duly noted sir”

Because he didn’t know how hungry the guy was gonna be, Tony made James two club sandwiches with all the usual ingredients : turkey, ham, cheese , tomatoes , pickles, lettuce (trimmed), along with a dollop of the three basic condiments. Given the fact that Steve could eat a lot and wasn’t allergic to anything (anymore) – the sandwiches should be …fine?

He made himself a simple cheese sandwich with mayo because he could practically _feel_ JARVIS burning holes into the back of his neck. Indeed Big Brother was watching.

He grabbed a couple cans of coke and sauntered over to the elevator which he opened with his elbow.

He liked JARVIS for giving him a purpose to distract himself from his wallowing. Maybe the computer had started downloading books on psychology when he wasn’t looking.

James was still lying on the hospital bed  with his human hand seemingly tossed carelessly over his forehead in an unguarded way. However, Tony could feel his eyes trained on him; watching his every move.

JARVIS opened the door for him and let him in.

Tony walked up to the other man and rested James’ plate on the bed next to him. He  shifted and dropped the pretence of being asleep. He arched his eyebrow at Tony who arched his own right back.

“That’s your plate. Finish everything on it” James sat up and nodded before beginning to eat. He ate quickly and neatly and didn’t say a word.

Tony sat next to him and got to work on his own sandwich.

By the time he was done with his single sandwich, James had finished both and had neatly put the plate to his side between the both of them.

“Would you like another one?” asked Tony.

James shook his head.

Tony handed him the soda, “finish this off”

Again he watched as the soldier dutifully did as commanded.

It was like working with a new AI. He had to give simple, clear instructions - although it rankled him to think of a human as a (yet) mindless computer (because JARVIS totally had opinions which he expressed – thus thought on matters).

When James was finished, he made a tiny burp which Tony chuckled at, “you’ve got a cute burp James” he teased.

James was observing him with mild interest now.

“Was that the purpose of the exercise then?” he questioned with minimal curiosity.

“There was no exercise, James, I just needed …company while I ate” James nodded, satisfied with his answer.

His eyes watched Tony sip his soda in silence, taking in every shift of his Adam’s apple as it bobbed from swallowing.

“The Steve guy left” he volunteered suddenly.

“Yeah he does that” agreed Tony grimly as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. Jarvis – the human Jarvis would have been appalled after all the time he painstakingly took to teach Tony good manners…

“Are you two together?” James asked bluntly a moment later.

Tony, who was taking another sip of his coke choked and spluttered.

“What?” he coughed.

“Are you two together?” he repeated calmly.

“No – no we’re not. He has a girlfriend. A _hot_ blonde girlfriend with killer curves who is always … _around_ .” He almost added ‘unfortunately’. “ Besides,” he continued hastily, “we’re both guys”

“And?” came the unimpressed reply.

“And apparently that matters a lot in the general scheme of things” Tony said with a vague wave of his hand.

“The Valentines worked either way”

“Valentines?”  asked Tony.

“Long term agents,” replied James with a wrinkle in his brow as if he was recalling something long forgotten, “ their job was to infiltrate and get close to a target. Things like sex didn’t really matter – so I thought that was how it worked” his tone was ponderous and divorced from himself.

“Did you ever work as a Valentine?” asked Tony with genuine interest now – because one had to wonder right? James _was_ a hot guy in any sense of the word.

James shook his head, “ I was better suited for quick assassinations. I got in, I got out and then they put me back…”

He tensed and Tony could have kicked himself for making the other man recall the cryo.

He shifted the plate and sat down next to James. “Hey , hey, it’s okay” he said gently, “you’re never going back _there_ again – I promise”

“But what’s this all _for_?” this seemed to be the question that kept the wheel spinning in James’ brain.

“What,” he continued haltingly, “what do you _need_ me here for?”

And what did Tony need him there for? For Steve? Would he tell James that he’d make it all better? He was barely managing to keep himself together, could he make easy promises like this to another person? Toss money at secret shrinks, buy a safe house, go all cloak and dagger while trying to hide him from the people who might as well have _invented_ cloak and dagger?  

It had all seemed so simple really – _get Bucky because Steve needed him_ but Tony had to face the facts that once they’d accomplished that there was no long term goal. He would be lucky if he could keep the Winter Soldier off SHIELD’s radar for a couple of weeks but beyond that – what then? Would he turn him over as they would undoubtedly demand? Let him become another _asset_ to another shady group? For a genius he certainly seemed to have been short-sighted in his plans. And he knew the name of the reason-

“They said I was needed”, James’ words interrupted his thoughts.

“They? – Hydra?” pressed Tony.

“They said my work had shaped the future. I thought-” his brows creased as he struggled with the words, “I thought it _meant_ something…”

“ But now that’s over,” he continued dully, “ and since then there are days when I drive myself crazy with the _things_ in my head… and then you two came-” he looked at Tony, his struggle evident, “ and I knew his face but I didn’t _know_ him and something was screaming to get away, and it was all a mess – I even clipped the arm on a bus trying to run to make the noise stop”  his fingers curled into the sheet of the bed as he looked at Tony through the dark veil of his hair.

“So why am I here? Is there a mission – am I needed?” there was a pleading in his voice.

“James,” Tony began carefully, he needed to choose his words wisely so as not to cause the other man any more distress. Which was arguably not his strong suit because _come on_ , he was practically conditioned for snark and provocation as a reflex action.

“James, I can honestly say that we’re here to help you – granted you probably can’t see that from inside this attractive holding area but it’s true. Look you need time to get your head clear – yes you do” he overrode as James looked to shake his head quickly in denial, “ and we can give you that – a safe place. Look James” and this was what Tony really wanted to say, “you’re not just some weapon, you’re not a machine. You’re also a _person_ and despite what Hydra did to convince you otherwise, you need to remember that person.”

“How would you know?” snapped the other brunette. “Look at me! A weapon is all I’m capable of being. It’s what I’m _good_ at” his eyes lingered on the metallic , gleaming arm.

Tony surprised them both by grasping the man’s shoulder.

“ I was really good at making weapons – but that doesn’t mean I can’t choose who I make them for. I know what it’s like to think you’re nothing without your skillset and believe it or not I know what it’s like to wonder if you’re more machine or person but,” Tony took a steadying breath because he needed James to understand, “ but I will not become what people want me to be because it’s easier.”

And Tony, despite his trepidation, decided to prove his point by showing James something near if not necessarily _dear_ to his heart. He released his hold on the other man and straightened up and slowly unbuttoned the top of his shirt until the faint glow of the arc shone through. James tensed in anticipation, watching the light sideways with rapt interest mixed with wariness.

“What’s that ?” James’ tone was cautious but his hand twitched for a second and Tony had to school himself not to flinch. Indeed, fuck Obie and whatever corner of hell he was roasting in.

“It’s an arc reactor” he replied with the forced ease he put on for reporters and strangers. “if you want to look at it one way you could argue that its part of my heart, on the other hand you could argue that it’s an electromagnet powered by a little element I like to call ‘badassium’ but the fucking Council of Nerdtopia has been giving me shit about it…” he trailed off from his rant because he noticed the other man was smiling.

“Are you always like that?” asked James with an arched eyebrow.

“Like what? Dazzling , charming, witty, engaging?” he quipped turning his head to smile a genuine smile at the soldier.

James actually gave a brief chuckle and it was gratifying to Tony. He wanted to pet the guy’s head and give him a reward. He gave Bruce blueberries and he gave his bots rubber balls (which they broke or set fire to but it was cute so whatever) because believe it or not he did believe in positive reinforcement.

Instead, the only real thing he could offer the other man was the thing he had been denied for so long – a choice.

“Here’s what,” he said carefully getting up and turning to look properly at the other man, “we want you here. Not for your skillset or to use you but just because we do – which I know makes very little sense and there is the whole confusion of your past and the expectations _others_ might have. But look, we’re – I don’t want you to think this place is a new cage. So I’m making you an offer. You can stay and we can figure out how to work this all out in one of the most amazing places on the planet – complete with talking computerized butler and free tech support or, if you want to… then you can walk away – because we’re not trying to make you our prisoner although the whole kidnapping thing might have been mixed signals, granted, but what can you do with a Russian spy?”

Rambling. He was rambling again. “And … if you want to walk away that’s fine. Just know that even if you leave if – if you ever need anything you can call me k?”

JARVIS, bless his coded soul, gently eased the doors open to the tank.

Tony wondered if he should get out of the way for the mad dash but if anything the soldier seemed more anxious now.

“Okay this is not a test James,” soothed Tony knowing exactly what was going through the man’s mind. Some … _assholes_ liked to do that. Break a captive’s mind instead of their body  by giving them the illusion of freedom only to snatch it away until they wouldn’t run even with an open door… Tony surreptitiously dug the nail of his index finger into the back of his thumb to get rid of certain _things_ from his mind.

 

James slowly eased off the bed, alert, as if waiting for the sirens to blare. His eyes darted between the ceiling and Tony and the doors as he inched forward. He kept his guard up until his had past Tony and the glass and was officially outside the cage. Then he looked like he was torn between bolting and standing still.

“James” called Tony softly and the other man stiffened.

“Here” Tony held out his phone.

“JARVIS, erase all contacts but mine”

“As you wish sir”

He walked slowly to the other man and held out the phone, “ If you need me then press this button and I’ll answer. No matter the time”

“Only because you generally abhor sleep sir,” chided JARVIS with a hint of fondness.

“Just remember you have a place here – even if it’s just somewhere safe to crash for the night okay, that offer is always open?” Tony continued as the other man took the phone.

James nodded.

“And JARVIS will show you a safe way out” the floors lit up an LED path for the man.

He was almost down the halls to the nearest elevator when Tony called him again.

“James? Just don’t go off on any killing sprees will ya? Because then, no matter what Steve says, I will come to stop you okay?”

The soldier took in the seriousness of his tone and for the first time he seemed relaxed. The condition of his release seemed to put him more at ease so Tony saw a brief nod before the doors closed. And he was gone.

 

Tony swallowed as he called out to the AI, “Hey J, how likely am I to end up in the hospital when I tell the others what I’ve done?”

The computer was silent for a moment before replying, “I’m afraid I have insufficient data on this sir but they are likely to be quite … pissed”

 

Like the master of avoidance that he was, Tony hid out in his lab until someone else discovered the missing assassin.

It didn’t take long, only a couple of hours before JARVIS informed him the rest of the Avengers were outside his doors.

“Let the lynch mob in J, before they damage the walls with their pitchforks”

“Stark!” growled Steve as he broke away from the others and made a beeline towards Tony, “Bucky is gone and JARVIS said _you_ let him go!”

It was a testament to Steve’s self-control that he could choke the words out instead of jumping straight into pounding away at Tony.

Natasha looked torn between irritation and concern and Bruce and Clint were all shades of cautious and wary.

“You need to calm the hell down Steve” he snapped back.

Bad idea.

He took the first punch manfully and would have taken another had not Clint and Natasha jumped in and restrained their leader.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dummy and U looking distressed while there was a soft whirring that let him know JARVIS was going to trigger off a defensive mechanism.

“Get off me!” snapped Steve.

“Calm down everyone! NOW!” the flash of green in Bruce’s eyes halted all action and made everyone shift apart a bit.

“Hey Brucie” said Tony weakly through the rusty tang of blood filling his mouth.

“Hey Tony”  he said tiredly, “wanna fill me in on the details I seem to be missing here?”

“When did you get back though?”  deflected Tony but with genuine curiosity. JARVIS had dropped the lockdown protocol to let the soldier out but Bruce wasn’t expected back for a while.

“Just got in really. So I’m a bit at sea here. Turns out nature is not very relaxing at the moment so I came back home…not that it looks like here’s much better” he muttered.

“Long story short, Tony found Steve’s friend whose a legendary assassin, had us kidnap him and bring him here only to let him run off again” supplied Clint helpfully, his hand still in a deceptively gentle looking vice grip.

“I didn’t just let him run off as you _so_ eloquently put it, Clint” really Hawkass knew how to through gasoline on a burning building every time he opened his mouth.

“Then what would you call it?” growled Steve, no longer trying to punch his face, just standing there looking mutinous.

“I gave him a choice. I offered him a place here if he wanted it. I gave him my number if he needed help. And I did it because he needed to know that we weren’t gonna force him to stay here against his will”

Steve seemed to be fighting with himself and it was Bruce – beautiful, wise, brilliant Bruce who spoke up in his quiet, gentle voice, “Tony did the right thing I think. I know what it’s like to be hunted and caged – not that any cage kept me” he snorted, “ your friend sounds like he’s pretty confused and caging him in might have been the worst thing you could have done. Offering him help and allowing him to come to you is the only way you’ll ever gain his trust… well it worked for me at least” he finished with his self-deprecating smile.

His voice seemed to wash the embers of anger away, leaving the dull ache of unvoiced pain hanging overhead.

The fight was gone in Steve now, and only hurt remained. Natasha shot him a wry look and a shrug of her shoulders as she and a surprisingly quiet Clint took their leave.

A short while after, Steve wordlessly left as well, making that sore sensation in Tony’s chest strike up again.

Bruce quietly began checking his face for any damage and conferred with JARVIS who had surreptitiously withdrawn the guns loaded with projectiles that released a nonlethal neurotoxin that caused *temporary* paralysis. A few moments later he declared Tony’s injuries mostly cosmetic and even bopped Tony’s nose when he asked if he needed a dose of MAC to get better.

“Seriously thought Tony” said Bruce as he handed him an icepack, “I was getting so much undercurrent in this room – anything else I should know about? When I left, you and Steve seemed fine – so I’m wondering what else happened”

“ I might have, among other things, reverse engineered a supposedly hush hush SHEILD programme to track down Steve’s friend” Tony mumbled.

Bruce pinched his nose bridge, “ And why would you use the program I know you used because I know you so well?”

“Because it was there!” exclaimed Tony, followed with a slight hiss as his busted lip protested.

“Sure Mallory” replied Bruce with a roll of his eyes.

“It’s been destroyed already” said Tony with a slightly defensive tone.

“But that’s not all that happened while I was gone” queried Bruce with his raised eyebrow as he observed the engineer calmly.

“Do you talk to Rhodey too? I swear he’s like a gossiping teenager-”

“Tony” the gentle voice interrupted his rant and he sighed, “I may or may not have kissed Captain America”

“Huh…” was all Bruce said.

“Huh? That’s it? I just hand you the name of what might one day be the title of my autobiography and you reply ‘huh’?”, okay now he was irritated. He was even more so when Bruce shot back, “I thought you were calling it ‘A cheap trick and a cheesy one liner’?”

Tony smirked at the other man though his heart wasn’t in it due to the rush of bad memories. It seemed everything and everywhere brought him bad memories lately.

“So you finally figured out that you like the guy?” asked Bruce unconcernedly.

“Does everyone know? Like is there some secret message board I don’t know about where you guys hold fanfiction contests about me?”

Bruce snorted, “ if there was then Clint would be leading the posts”  Tony didn’t doubt this, Clint loved his social media sites.

He stepped closer to Tony and asked, “So how did he take it?”

“I don’t know – there was the whole ‘interrupted by the rediscovery of your long lost friend’ and now coupled with ‘sorry I let said friend go again’ which makes the ‘by the way how do you feel about me layin’ one on you?’ kinda hard to bring up” and if his voice wobbled at the end, well – that was because of the bruising on his face and nothing else.

“I think it’s safe to say Steve’s just confused”

And now it was Tony’s turn to snort, “Yeah he is. He woke up in a strange new world where men wanna make out with him. The culture shock must have him mind blown”

Tony shook his head and continued, “ I think he’s scared of me”

“What would he have to be scared of?” asked Bruce nonplussed and Tony adored him for that.

“I can make a dangerous program in a few days. I can think of a million ways to destroy things – including friendships- in moments and I’m like- the Jabberwock for Christ’s sake!” he burst out with a toss of his hands.

Bruce held his shoulders, “Hey,Tony, don’t talk about my friend badly okay? The other guy hates it when you’re hurting and wants you to stop beating yourself up and for once I agree wholeheartedly with what he wants” he smiled as he looked into Tony’s eyes and continued, “ while I never picked you for a Carroll fan I’d probably describe you as more of a Mad Hatter type character anyway”

“The Hatter drives Alice away though – and I’m more of a coffee guy” quipped Tony lightly.

“Life isn’t a fairy-tale – I think we can all safely agree on that” replied Bruce with a dark look.

 

They talked for a while longer, until the sallow bags under Bruce’s eyes made Tony break up their reunion and send the other man to sleep. Bruce left him at the elevator with a squeeze on his shoulder.

 

Tony lay on his bed looking up at the ceiling, trying to will himself to sleep. There was no such luck and around seven he gave it up entirely.

The skyline had given way to the golden splendour only viewed by the filthy rich, from far above the clouds.

He was on his way to the kitchen to sneak in his first cup of coffee when the sight of Sharon Carter coming in via the elevator made him do an about face.

_Seriously? Couldn’t Steve wait one whole day before calling her ladyship? Or was she here of her own accord?_

The sound of his name halted his feet and he saw the femme fatale herself walking towards him.

“Hi Tony” she smiled pleasantly.

“Hi Sharon” he returned with a fake grin that could fool a room of irritating board members into believing he wasn’t plotting their deaths.

“If you’re looking for Steve, he’s probably in his room or in the gym” he supplied.

She laughed a silvery laugh that seemed to claw at his skin.

“No actually, he doesn’t know I’m coming. I just wanted to say hi to you – we haven’t spoken much” she gave a helpless shrug that could probably disarm anyone who wasn’t Tony.

“What about?” he asked affably, his charming mask in place.

She looked contrite and apologetic as she asked hesitantly, “ I know you and Steve usually have plans to go on your little trips”

_Little trips_? Were they in pre k?

“And I hate to ask this but, I just got some free time this week – so I wanted to spend it with Steve…” she trailed of waiting for him to get a hint. It couldn’t have been clearer if she had set up surround sound and blasted it while dancing cheerleaders spelt it out.

His smile was quickly morphing into something feral so he replied with the last of his grace, “ Of course you’re right Sharon. You can have this week – hell you can have anytime you need” and before she could say anything more he cut the conversation short by saying, “ I gotta return to the lab, Dummy is curious about the blowtorch”

 

He didn’t go to the lab. Somehow it had become tainted with bitter memories now. Instead he went to the basement and took out his Acura NSX because dammit he was in a need for speed and Steve had already been in the Audi …

He ended up at the beach – because angst was best experienced there. The midday sun and the stench of saltwater seemed to mock his mood but there was certain taunting he would – or could only take from nature. Which was why he watched the waves melancholic rolling and listened to the cry of jaded gulls from his seat in the car – no he was not actually going to get out and touch the sand (too many bad memories of Afghanistan), and ignored the laughter of happy, far off couples and the excited barks of dogs because fuck it – he worked with what he had.

“There was a report of a security anomaly at the tower yesterday”

“Sweet Sodium Nitrate! What the fuck Agent?!” Tony yelled at the head of Phil Coulson now looking in at his through the front passenger window. His heart was still racing painfully thanks to the shock and the asshole probably knew that. He needed to attach bells to them – all of the SHEILD agents.

Phil opened his door and got into the passenger seat.

“Seriously Phil – not really in a mood to go ‘parking’ with you” Tony sighed.

It figured Phil wouldn’t  get the reference – or maybe he just had a good poker face and wouldn’t own up to his love of cheesy eighties sci-fi movies.

“The security problem Stark,” the agent reiterated patiently.

“It was just a _drill_ Phil. ‘What to do when the world is ending’ protocol.”

 

“Had nothing to do with reports of the Winter Soldier showing up?” the agent asked mildly.

Tony’s head snapped to him, “Where?”

“Couple blocks away from the tower this morning”

“And now?”

“The agent lost him in Brooklyn”

“Send me the report”

“Why are you so interested?”

This time Tony shot Phil an incredulous look.

“Seriously Agent? It’s not like it has _nothing_ to do with me” he couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. Among the hits accredited to the soldier were the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark.

Phil gave him an assessing look before nodding, “It’s been sent to you already as well as to Captain Rogers. We understand the _uniqueness_ of the situation” he said delicately.

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” snorted Tony ill humoredly.

 

As he drove back to the Tower later, Tony realized that his words to Agent Coulson had not been entirely a lie. The man he had offered room and board to only hours earlier could also be responsible for his parents’ deaths and it didn't pass his notice that he could potentially pay a psychologist enough to feed a small country on that fact alone.

 

Upon his return to the Tower, JARVIS, ever the bearer of all news – both good and bad- gave him some he wasn’t so sure about.

“Sir, Captain Rogers is requesting to see you”

One day. One whole fucking day without the man’s shit was apparently too fucking much to ask the universe for.

“Tell him to meet me on my floor” he replied before crouching over his steering wheel and banging his head into it. Repeatedly.


	8. Paint it Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is never dead. It's not even past.  
> Though Tony is older - some things will always remain the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;  
> Am an attendant lord, one that will do  
> To swell a progress, start a scene or two,  
> Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,  
> Deferential, glad to be of use,  
> Politic, cautious, and meticulous;  
> Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;  
> At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—  
> Almost, at times, the Fool.
> 
> I grow old … I grow old …

Tony positively dragged his feet to the elevator and then, once inside, stood a good moment considering the buttons until JARVIS made the decision and selected his floor while closing the door.

Muttering under his breath about the treachery of his AI, his heart began racing as he wondered what Steve wanted.  Was he going to finish what he started earlier? Find something new to pick at? Demand Tony leave the team?

 

Silently the doors parted and he walked into his living room to see Steve waiting expectantly.

 

He could tell the other man was struggling to find the words and decided to beat him to it.

“Come to do justice? – have me baited with the rabble’s curse and all that?” he asked lightly.

“I came to apologize”

The quiet response made him look sharply at Steve. For all they called him a genius, he could never fully figure out what went on in the other guy’s head.

“For what?” he asked bluntly.

“For hitting you – I should not have done that”

They were both such chatty Cathys at the moment that it might take them till Halley’s Comet came round again to get to the point.

“Look Cap, it was honest – I deserved it for not telling you what I was going to do so don’t sweat it – hell it isn’t even bruising much”

“I should never have put my hands on you though. It wasn’t professional. I can understand if you want to file a report or something against me.”

“And say what? We disagreed on whether I should have released the assassin we were housing that SHIELD doesn’t know about? Coulson is already sniffing around as I’m sure you know. If it comes down to it – I’ll stay as far out of your hair as you need – your girlfriend asked me as much already so it’s no big deal”  he couldn’t resist stabbing in that one.

“Leaving Sharon out of this, what do you mean Coulson is sniffing around?”

_Of course we’re leaving her out_.

“He came by to inquire about the lock down and mention that there was a sighting on the Winter Soldier – don’t worry they lost him” he replied as Steve opened his mouth, “ he said he sent us the files already. Check your pad”

“Us? Is Bucky an Avengers case now?”  asked Steve with concern.

“No us – as in you and I” Tony pointed back and forth between them.

“Oh.”

“Yeah ‘Oh’”

Something seemed to click in Steve’s brain and he asked hesitantly, “ Is the reason you let Bucky go because…”

“Because what? Because he might have killed my parents? Your beloved Howard and the walking incubator no one seems to remember? No dammit ! I did _not_ let him go because of that because believe it or not I don’t actually hold James responsible for that and if you think I’m definitely the worst scum somehow well _tough shit_   you already knew that about me”

He felt the tension building up in his shoulders and so he spun around to leave.

“Tony wait! Please!” it was the genuine pleading that caught him. It reminded him of sad puppy dog eyes and he gritted his teeth as he halted.

“ I shouldn’t have said – I didn’t mean – you’re not – goddamit Tony don’t make me talk to your back will ya?” That nasal tone got him every time.

“What Rogers?” he asked tiredly as he turned.

“Call me Steve” he said automatically, “please” he amended.

“Isn’t Steve for your friends?”

“Aren’t we?”

“You tell me” Tony replied and was pleased his voice didn’t shake.

“Yes of course we are – of course we could be”

“Do you really mean that or do you just mean until I do something else that makes you have second thoughts and besides what does _Sharon_ have to say about this?”

“Why do you keep bringing her up?” snapped Steve.

“Because I kissed you, you moron!” Tony shouted in the deafening silence of the room.

 

Steve face was a mixture of shock and frantic denial, “ I know you didn’t – that was just” he spluttered.

“Just what? A friendship kiss? You and the commandos used to swap spit after missions? I know who I kissed Rogers – it was a guy called Steve.The guy who likes French toast with marmalade and who secretly enjoys dirty jokes. I kissed Steve the GUY who sits in my lab and draws and who plays with my robots to keep them company. I kissed Steve – the GUY with no respect for a speed limit when he’s on his bike but who still insists on standing up every time a lady walks into the room. I kissed him. Who did you imagine you kissed?”

“Stop it” came the muted reply.

“Was it Aunt Peggy?” Tony prodded on.

“Is that why you’re hooking up with her niece? So you can relive the love you never had?”

“-it”

Tony pressed in, “I gotta tell ya, if nostalgia was all you needed you could have asked me – I’ve got it in spades-”

“STOP IT TONY!” the fury of Steve’s tone cut him short. He wanted to curl in on himself to cut out the noise and the voices egging him on in his head.

“I know you don’t like _men_ Tony. Anyone who has taken a brief look at your record can tell. _Whatever_ that was- it was nothing like that but you WILL NOT talk about Peggy or Sharon Carter like that!”

“What do _you_ know about my record?” he replied surlily. “ It seems everyone around me is so convinced they know exactly what I am all the time… why do I even bother?” he finished in a whisper almost to himself.

Tony gathered himself together. Pulling on his armor, steeling himself and plastering on his trademark smile.

“Look Cap. We don’t have to be friends. I think we’ve established that’s a dumb idea. I don’t need them and I don’t even know why I entertained the thought - maybe it’s my _charitable_ nature” He sneered.

“I stand by my words about James though – don’t worry” he spun on his heels and this time Steve didn’t call him back, “oh and see yourself out will ya?”

 

It was Rhodey who was nominated to go get him from the club. The paps were in glee over the amount of tabloid gold he was giving them. By the time it was the third night of partying it up endlessly from the penthouse of the hotel and everywhere else in-between, an intervention must have been called in a secret room somewhere.

 

Rhodey found him taking shots off of the stomach of an attractive twenty three year old model. Her name was Callie or Mindy or something, but she had generous hips and an almost non-existent waist and long brown hair that caressed caramel skin as she laid back on the table and smiled at him encouragingly. He needed brown hair. He had had enough of everything else.

 

“Tony” Rhodey’s voice was dangerous.

“Hi mom”

“The party’s over – time to go”

“Nope. I’m just getting started” He shook more salt onto her stomach, wet from his saliva in a snaking trail.

 “I will carry you out of this club myself if you don’t get up” Rhodey meant it too.

“Sounds kinky” he purred, “will you cuff me up to the bed when we get home too dear?”

He saw Rhodey’s wrist twitch and suddenly the buzz died. Fuck his fucking memories.

“Sorry Mindy, I have to talk to my friend” he said with an apologetic look.

“It’s Tiffany” she sniffed and got off the table and walked off, tugging her pink top down now till the tiny threads that held it up threatened to rip.

“I was close” he mumbled.

 

Rhodey sat down on the plush red couch and with a curt jab of his chin and his glare alone, he cleared out the VIP area faster than cops in a backroom of a crackhouse.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on in your head?” asked Rhodey  in a firm but gentle tone.

“There’s always something going on darling, wanna drink?” he held up the bottle. He wasn’t a vodka person per se but when partying with _very_ young people, a good host catered to their tastes.

Rhodey shook his head, “ No thanks Tony”

“C’mon have a drink with me then we can go – I’ll get you what you like” he looked around with his hands raised to signal a waitress. Rhodey grabbed him by the wrist, “ I’m fine Tony and so are you”

“For Fuck sake Rhodes!” he spat, “take the fucking drink then I’ll be your _good little bitch_ and do whatever you say!” he snarled. His voice unlike himself and he froze remembering _stuff_.

“Fuck!” he slammed the bottle down on the table and it broke, spilling shards of glass and pools of clear liquid off the table.

 

He withdrew his hand with a hiss before raking it over his face, “ I’m sorry Rhodey” he mumbled.

“Don’t be. You know I hate vodka since South Korea in ’02.” His voice was light and steady.

“ Go Brazil” smiled Tony weakly.

 

 “Come on – I’ve got the good stuff back at my place, and I ordered takeout from your favourite Chinese place” he hoisted Tony off the couch and draped his arm around his shoulder, while wrapping Tony’s around his waist making it seem like two buddies everywhere just getting home.

“Can we have Korean barbeque? I want it now” said Tony as they started down the stairs.

“Yes Tony, we can have Korean barbeque” sighed Rhodey.

“You’re a good friend Rhodey” mumbled Tony as they left through the back door towards the waiting taxi.

“I’m your best friend dumbass. And always will be”

 

 

They danced around the topic for days. Rhodey had set up the guest room for Tony. Tony, once he had gotten past his hangover and was feeling somewhat human again, had immediately started complaining about the size of his room which he did every time he came over to Rhodey’s.

“Seriously, I can just buy the adjacent apartment and have that wall knocked down and the contractors can come in-”

“No Tony, you will not buy an apartment just so you can have more room space”

“Rhodey” he whined tossing a chunk of tomato from his salad at the other man.

Rhodey caught it and popped it in his mouth chewing it with a taunting slowness.

“Meanie” grumbled Tony.

“Cry me a river”

“Who says that still? “asked Tony incredulously.

“Besides,” he continued more quietly, “tears are for the weak”

And they had arrived at it: The _Tony’s bank account_ sized elephant in the room.

There were many things Tony said often such as: Sleep was for the weak, food was for the weak, tetanus shots were for the weak (Pepper nearly castrated him that one time when she saw the wound). But the origin of the statement came from dear ol’ dad : _Only weak men sniveled and cried_.

So Tony eventually forgot how to cry properly.

 

In a falsely bright voice he continued, “Can we safely agree that blondes are off the menu from now on?”

“Seriously,” he continued, “it never works out for me”

“What happened Tony?” asked Rhodey.

“ I may or may not have done a bunch of stupid things including but not limited to kissing Captain America”  he said quietly, eyes focused on his plate.

“And what did he say?” prompted Rhodey.

Tony’s face twisted into a sneer, “said anyone who looked at my _record_ could tell I wasn’t _interested_ in men”

 

“Fuck” Rhodey cussed under his breath and all but bolted across the room to him but Tony was already hearing the echo of the footsteps in his mind.

_He stood listening in the shadow near his father’s office, fist stuffed to his mouth not to scream. Dad was going to ‘handle it’– that was all he had said._

_“Do we have an understanding then?”_

_“Of course we do Howard. It never happened. The tapes are in front of you”_

_“Give me the contract then.”_

_There was a silence before the smooth, silky voice – so like_ his _asked, “ I trust everything is to your satisfaction?”_

_There was a scratching sound and then his father spoke, “It’s done. And just remember, everything stays off the record”_

 

“ony! Tony!” Rhodey’s voice was frantic now. The cool calm and collected Colonel was looking like the freaked out teenager he knew from _that_ day.

“Sup Rhodey?” He arched and eyebrow at the other man.

“Goddammit Tony! Jesus fuckin Chris!” he kicked the coffee table clear across the room and Tony flinched because he knew that Rhodey loved that piece of crap chipped coffee table.

“God, I’m gonna go kill Captain America” mumbled Rhodey with slightly hysterical disbelief in his tone.

“Drop it Rhodey” said Tony seriously.

“Tony-”

“IT never happened. None of _this_ ever happened and I’m not gonna see the best and only military person I trust get court martialled because of a misguided desire to protect my non-existent honour”

Rhodey seemed to be struggling to say something, before he finally surrendered with a sigh.

 

Tony let the quiet envelop him  as he stitched together his armour, building it bit by bit, burying down the past memories to the darkest pits of his mind. Sinking everything into the pools of oblivion.

 

The news was plastered with his face to no surprise. It had been a while so he supposed they were really going all out to pick at the re-emergence of his _bad boy behaviour_. In the vein of Ted’s narrator, no matter how big a splash you made, eventually nobody gives a shit, whether you’re a talking teddy bear or a billionaire who flew a nuke into space- there were no sacred bulls political commentators on talk shows couldn’t roast.

 

He wasn’t even surprised when he got the letter of his suspension from the team, the request for his presence at disciplinary hearing or even when he saw Ste – no Captain America fielding the reporters at the announcement.

SI stocks had done a minor dip which it quickly recovered from and Pepper had released a public statement and together his former romantic interests had cornered prime-time TV because of him.

The disciplinary hearing was two days later. He had avoided all attempts by the other Avengers to contact him. He had conferred with JARVIS to have the bots ready to be shipped to the Palm Beach property. The neighbours were shit but who cared?

JARVIS kept him updated on the tower. Bruce seemed sad and apparently Nat had broken a wooden dummy. Clint had broken the toaster again (which just might have been accidental) but apparently he wasn’t playing Mario Kart which was something even Tony couldn’t ignore. JARVIS seemed to have left out all mention of the good captain and Tony appreciated it. He had occupied enough of his thoughts already.

 

The hearing was a rainy Tuesday, and the universe seemed to be in a pathetic fallacy sort of mood, or maybe it was foreshadowing or something – he wasn’t a goddamn lit major. The point was that the weather was crap and he felt like crap so maybe it was all connected in some cosmic circle of life crapfest.

 

Everyone else was seated when he arrived. No doubt by design to make him feel intimidated. He could almost snort in derision. Had they ever _met_ him?

The council members were there via satellite while Fury, Hill and Coulson stood off to one side. Ste – Captain America was seated as well, probably because he was team leader.

He was dressed in official army regalia which was fine because Tony had had enough blues to last a lifetime.

It was like a remix of every other legal proceeding he had been a part of. They insisted that he was out of control and he ignored them, they demanded he hand over the Iron Man suit and he told them in no uncertain tones to stick it where the sun don’ shine, they read him his sentence and he continued to ignore them. They asked for Rhodey as a replacement and he told them to ask the army – he was their baby. They said he has to go to counselling and pay a fine and he rolled his eyes.

In short, he snarked where he was supposed to, looked bored where it was called for and acted outrageous where it was expected. The firm mask of _Tony Stark_ was in place.

 

Fury surprisingly tried to bargain on his behalf but Tony could bet it wasn’t out of any altruistic reason. Coulson gave  a report, then St – Captain America gave a report and then there was deliberation and it was all an exhausting farce.

It was only when he was on his way out that Steve caught his eye and the mask slipped for a second. But he quickly recovered before anyone could notice and he was gone.

In half an hour he was bound for the sunshine state of Florida.


	9. The Who - The Kids Are Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude (fluff ish)  
> There'll be another chapter up soon - I'm weak to fluff and I adore Harley (forgive me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. – Wizard of Oz

His stay in Palm Beach allowed Tony greater time for introspection – something he generally avoided with greater alacrity than board meetings.

He was accustomed to his private life being grounds for public speculation. He took the fact, that anything from a break up to an emotional outburst could inevitably provoke a SHIELD report or a minor dip in the stock market, with considerable grace.

This was Tony’s life and had been since his parents had died.

He was suspended for potentially a couple of months pending his evaluation – they called it medical leave but whatever. Everyone knew that he would run laps around whatever shrink was assigned to him. The last semi-professional he had seen had been a tired Bruce who had fallen asleep sometime between building the ‘deterrent’ that shot hot sauce when he was seven and the nanny thing when he was a teenager.

So anyway, he was saddled with seeing someone twice a week where he would talk about his feelings and past as if the person didn’t know that he knew they had a file on him anyway. Well an official file where his official history was recorded because you can’t write a report on something that _never_ happened.

He was a mess. Tony knew that. A stitched together mess which he needed to stop being if he ever intended to continue being an Avenger – which he did.

Without realising it, they had all become family – not that Tony was the biggest expert on the topic but he could admit that he cared about every member of his team (some a bit too much).

Clint was the wisecracking little brother who could make a bad day not so bad with his humour. He was the combination of snark and bluntness who held them together because he refused to let them take themselves too seriously. And though he tried to hide it, Clint did have a thoughtful side like the way cookies and hot chocolate would appear outside someone’s doorway  if they’d gotten injured or if he’d had an argument with them. It was pretty adorable of him though the rest of the Avengers had an unspoken agreement to never mention it to save Clint the embarrassment – they were some badass cookies too.

Tasha was the big sister. Her hitherto unknown mother hen instinct must have been triggered by Bruce because the man made everyone want to wrap him in soft cotton and keep him safe. Her spy training meant that she was usually restrained and kept up an impassive façade but he realised that over the time they had been together, their dynamics had brought out something in all of them and the Russian agent was no exception. Tony was secretly glad now that he had never actively hit on her *too* much to the point where she hated him.

Bruciebear was perfect. He was Tony’s intellectual equal. He understood them all and could cook a mean curry too. He understood and connected with Tony both on the scientific level as well as an emotional level because of their shared experience of crappy fathers. Brucie was self-deprecating and had kickass deadpan humour as well. The Hulk factor was a plus in Tony’s book because he could admit he had a weak spot for the big green guy. Hulk was gentle and protective of him and he of Hulk – not that Hulk _needed_ any protectors. The Rage Room (the prototype of which they had used to hold James) was filled with stuffed toys and painted in cheerful colors because Hulk was surprisingly a sensitive soul. He had juvenile tastes which made Tony consider that perhaps Hulk was link to Bruce’s childhood.

Thor was … Thor. There was much carousing and drinking whenever he was around as he sang about the joys of battle and the halls of Valhalla and even waxed lyrical about his ‘fair Jane’ and Tony’s liver would never be the same since Thor. Thor was the bundle of optimism in the group – taking the weirdness of them all as amusing personality quirks. He even got excited at the prospect of going a few rounds with Hulk – an idea they all vetoed because not even Tony was rich enough to afford constant repairs of that nature.

And Tony knew he was messing up his family with his emotional baggage. He was splintering it because he couldn’t keep his personal feelings for Steve at bay.

So – introspection.

It had been easier after the Pepper break up. Tony knew that Pepper and he could always function afterwards on a professional basis. Pepper was cool like that. But the demands of running a company – even a multinational billion dollar company, paled in comparison to those of being a member of a team where trust made all the difference. His feelings could become a huge liability to the team. It might evidence itself in a moment’s hesitation on someone’s part - and in the heat of the battle, hesitation could be fatal.

So he thought about his feelings. He assessed them clinically. Contemplated the source of his attraction to Steve. Replayed every moment together – every laugh , every smile. He went through them all with a razor edged fine tooth comb and cut away at the mindless sentimentality.

This was simply another experiment to Tony. He considered the variables and hypothesized the possible outcomes – none of which were favourable and he, the man of science agreed that his yearning was futile, his affection a liability and a wholly unnecessary one at that.

Then he put it all into the back of his mind. Relegated what he _thought_ he had felt to a dark compartment where his conscious mind rarely strayed. 

It was finished.

 

Once emancipated from the burden of his feelings, Tony felt relief. He could breathe easy again.

He immediately dove back into work which the bots were pleased to see. Even JARVIS was warm when he warned him about the dangers of increasing the thruster power on the new suit.

Playboy Tony Stark was back in business.

 

 

When you’re a multi-billionaire, you get standing invitations to every party on every part of the globe. Florida was no exception. Granted the last time he had been there was not so pleasant (what with Mandarin threat and all that, but he was making the most of his stay because if he let the bad memories of the past stop him from staying somewhere – then he’d have to move to a deserted island and setting up the technical support he would need would take a while).

To tread the delicate line between playboy and out of control, Tony made brief appearances on the party scene. It gave the rapt media just enough to throw them off their speculation about whether he would be ‘going into rehab’ while still giving them something to talk about.

Unlike his time before he and Pepper got together, whenever he felt the need for a warm body, there was no one to see them to the door the morning after. This was downright uncomfortable sometimes but JARVIS helped immensely this venture- another reason the AI was the best.

Tony supposed he could just go solo for a while but why should he? The media would somehow go back to Pepper and claim it had something to do with him pining for her if he became recluse and she didn’t need to deal with that. To have her hard work undermined by snide comments of her sleeping her way to the top or having the media talk about her like she was some money hungry whore who had moved on to greener pastures (he had wanted to buy out that TV station but JARVIS had stopped him).

Pepper wasn’t the problem – he was. But he was _also_ Tony Stark, Forbes’ top ‘Most Eligible Bachelor’ so if he felt like having a bed companion, well, there wasn’t a lack of options.

Besides, Tony loved sex. And sex was nothing more than an animal release. It served as a horizontal sport which took the edge off. Tony had never had a problem with having sex, great sex, athletic, mind blowing sex that shut off his brain as the rhythmic slap of flesh on flesh silenced his brain momentarily. But rarely had he made love and he doubted he ever would again. So… sex.

 

He was approaching three weeks into his self-imposed exile in Florida (which was not the worst place to exile yourself to) and had already been assigned his second psychiatrist from SHIELD (he did all his sessions via video chat) when he got an email from Harley.

He was midway between scolding Dummy for giving him oil laced coffee (again) when JARVIS told him about the email.

“Sir, you’ve received an email from young Master Keener”

“Huh?”

“The young boy from Rose Hill, Tennessee”

“Oh! The Kid – Harley! What does it say?”

JARVIS began reading the letter, “ _Hey Tony, What cha doing? I saw you on TMZ the other day. They were wondering if you had fallen off the wagon. Are you still an Avenger? It would really suck if you weren’t._

 _Anyway, I heard you’re in Florida and guess where I am? My mom’s got a new boyfriend and he took us down here for a couple of weeks. He’s whatever but there really isn’t anything fun to do here_ hint hint.

_Have you added the stealth features we talked about to all the new suits? Because it’s totally cool and you should do that._

_By the way – do you know somewhere I can buy cheap uranium?”_

 

“Uranium?”  Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. JARVIS, not at all embarrassed from mimicking the speech patterns of a prepubescent kid replied, “ It seems that young master Keener is registered for the science fair sir”

Tony sighed.

“Video call him for me J”

 

Fortunately, Harley was online.

His face was a little slimmer and his hair had been cut shorter but he was still the same with the slightly upturned nose and the little gap in his teeth.

“Hey Tony!” he said cheerfully.

“Hey kid, what’s up with you” Tony replied with a genuine smile.

“You know” Harley shrugged, “ just being _bored_ in Florida … where _you_ are…” his innocent nonchalance was cute.

“ Then go to Disneyworld”, mocked Tony just to make him squirm.

“Aww c’mon Tony!” whined Harley petulantly, “Mom and her new boyfriend are driving me crazy”

They could go back and forth for hours but he knew Harley was determined enough to do it so he relented.

“Tell you what kid, if – and I do mean _if ,_ you’re mom agrees to come as well then you can come over to my place and check out what I’ve been doing lately” Tony replied.

Harley fistpumped gleefully and let out an excited whoop.

“Hey! Hey! – I’m serious about your mom being here to supervise!” interjected Tony over the noise on the other end, “ the last thing we need if for a media report about me having little kids over to my house for play dates – that never ends well” he said with a shudder.

Harley plastered a shit eating grin on his face and replied, “ but we’re connected”

Uhuh – like he hadn’t heard that one from stalkers everywhere.

“Calm down Swimfan, I’ll have JARVIS message you when you guys can come over now back to the topic of Uranium ?”

Harley squirmed uncomfortably, “It would make a good energy output”

“ Uhuh That’s what they all say” Tony replied, “look kid, when you come down we can look over your plans – I’m assuming you have plans to whatever you’re working on?” Harley nodded rapidly. “We’ll try to find a good power source that won’t have the CIA trying to arrest us both for domestic terrorism”

He hung up exhausted. Harley could do that to him with ease somehow but he had to admit the kid was interesting. If he had ever harboured the thought of passing on his DNA then maybe it would be like that. Not that Tony was ever going to be a dad. A favourite uncle maybe – the cool uncle who bought awesome gifts- but not a dad.

“Sir, is that really advisable?”

“What having Harley over? His mom will be here and there are definitely going to be NO slumber parties – besides the kid likes to science and I like to science so it’s all good”

“I meant completely ignoring the fact that he wants to build something requiring nuclear power, but then again, you are the person who gave him an Iron Man stunning device to deal with his bullies” Jarvis said sarcastically.

“Hey that device was tested! It doesn’t have _any_ permanent damage!” protested Tony.

There was a pause, “ Of course sir. _That_ is entirely the point of this conversation.”  Exasperation. His own AI was exasperated at him.

JARVIS was a rude guy sometimes.

 

Harley was more impressed by Dummy than the fact that Tony had bumped having lunch with a supermodel for him.

 “Tony!” Harley had yelled before tackling him in his midsection.

“Oof! Hey kid” Tony had grunted while gently prying the boy off.

“He talks about you all the time Mr Stark” said Harley’s mom shyly.

His mother, Helen, was a meek looking sandy haired woman a little past her thirties. The boyfriend was a middle aged guy with the start of a beer gut and male pattern balding. Tony promptly forgot his name. 

“He does seem to talk a lot” agreed Tony.

“Like you don’t” taunted the kid.

Tony led them on a tour of the house. The guy (what was his name?) seemed very impressed with the architecture and Helen oohhed and ahhed at the view from his private beach.

And Harley would not be Harley if he didn’t ask blunt, awkward questions, “So did they really kick you off the Avengers, Tony?”

His mom and her boyfriend looked mortified but Tony just rolled his eyes at him, “I’m still an Avenger kid, believe it or not we get vacations.”

“Riiight”

“Watch it kid” warned Tony.

“I’m just saying… there might be a spot open”

 

Tony played the gracious host through lunch though he could see Harley was impatient to see his workspace – especially when Dummy brought out the serving tray. His eyes went wide as he breathed, “cool”.

Dummy and the rest of the bots seemed to bask in the attention. Usually it was JARVIS who stole the limelight but Harley was desensitised to him since … well the whole Mandarin thing.  The adults were perhaps a bit less comfortable with the robots (despite them being on their best behaviour). But Helen was won over when U came trundling up with an old bowtie of Tony’s on under his claw and lowered his arm meekly and whined.

“Aww aren’t you just adorable” she sighed. She petted him arm hesitantly and he chirped excitedly.

“Butt kisser” grunted Tony gruffly but with a swell of affection while the bots whined in protest.

“How can you tell them apart?” joked Helen.

“Their names are on the side mom” said Harley in a pained voice as he tilted his head and Dummy and Butterfingers mimicked him.

“That’s actually a good question but to me they’re all different Dummy is the most curious out of them – even though he’s the oldest he’s the most mischievous, U tries to be helpful all the time and I think he has a budding romance going on with the blender but I ignore it because I really don’t want to explain the birds and the bees to him. Butterfingers is pretty protective of the others and me but he also gets influenced by – and now you’re all looking at me like I’m crazy”  Helen was trying to hide a smile while her boyfriend quirked an eyebrow but Harley was laughing outright.

“It’s sweet” she said in a placating voice, “ it’s like they’re your kids – you know them so well”

Tony coughed and changed the subject.

They had tooled around with Harley’s specs for his project – an improvement on the Mark II potato gun that had multiple cannons and a rudimentary target tracking system and Tony had scolded the kid on needing nuclear power (Arc Reactor technology is so much better!) to which Helen had cleared her throat in a decidedly ‘mom’ sort of way and he had backpedalled and had ‘sternly’ explained to a thoroughly unimpressed Harley why making a potato gun into an outright weapon was a bad idea (which yes made him feel hypocritical) while simultaneously using it as a segue for all the other uses arc reactor technology could potentially have making the guy (Dan – his name was Dan!) quip than he wanted one for the house and Tony found he was having fun. It was so _domestic._

 

“You know it’s tough competing with you” they had adjourned to the living room for some light refreshments before dinner and Tony had ambled out onto the balcony area with Dan.

“Why?” asked Tony. Why meaning – what did Dan, boyfriend of Helen, have to want to compete with him Tony for?

“Harley is crazy about you” shrugged Dan, “ I’m more of a sports guy myself so it’s like we have nothing in common”

“Do you need to?” asked Tony honestly. Tony’s father had had a lot in common – some would argue _too much_ , with him and their relationship had been … non-existent at best.

“ Don’t get me wrong, I love Harley, he’s a packaged deal with Helen but even without it he’s a fun kid y’know?” Tony nodded absentmindedly as Dan continued on, “ but I can tell he doesn’t really like me much”  Dan looked down and scuffed his shoe on the floor, the hint of an embarrassed blush meeting the redness of his sunburnt skin.

Tony was crap at comforting other people. Male figures who actually wanted to be part of their children’s lives were an alien concept to him.

He patted Dan’s shoulder gingerly as he sloshed the ice in his drink around and they stared out at the orange and blue rays of the dying sun.

“You’re trying.” He said simply. “To guys like Harley and me that’s a lot. He thinks I’m cool because I like the things he likes – which nobody else likes. His inner dork is happy but for kids something as simple as being interested is pretty important. Harley’s already had one dad walk away from him, so if you’re in it for the long haul he’s gonna try pushing you away in creative and inventive ways until he thinks he can trust you- just give him time and attention” he finished simply.

“Sounds like you know a lot about the subject” said Dan lightly with a searching sideways glance.

Tony shrugged and took a sip of his drink.

 

Later, when they had all left  and Tony had cleared away the table with the bots, he found himself sitting in the living room, sipping absentmindedly on his drink just listening to the deafening silence.  


	10. Ini Kamoze - Here Comes the Hotstepper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homecoming and Tough Conversations  
> Fury is a bad mutha (shut yo mouth) ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> then I went on home to my skyscrapers  
> And neon lights and waiting papers  
> That I call home  
> I call that home  
> I wish I could lay down beside you  
> When the day is done  
> And wake up to your face against the morning sun  
> But like everything I've ever known  
> You'll disappear one day  
> So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

“Stark we need you in New York” barked Fury without any preamble.

“What’s the sitch, Wade?” Tony replied.

“Two hundred hostages and a psychopath who can apparently manipulate gravity” replied Fury with a tic twitching from the vein near his temple.

“I’m still on medical leave” Tony said innocently.

“ You’re sane, congratulations, I expect you here in fifteen minutes” snapped Fury.

“Just cuz I show up doesn’t mean I’m putting out for you” said Tony as he called the suit to him. Things were a lot smoother now and he no longer had to wonder about the future functionality of his balls when he summoned the parts.

“I’m heartbroken” said Fury impassively.

He was about to go to the launch bay that was connected to the lab when Fury called, “ Oh and Stark? Stay the hell away from Disney – I don’t need more paperwork if you get any weirder”

“You think you're all that, but you're not!!” yelled Tony as he took off.

The sound of the thrusters muffled what might have been a snort.

 

Humans were floating around New York. Not in a _Catcher- in- the- Rye_ \- disillusionment sort of way but an actual feet off the ground and bound for space way.

Rhodey, who had been loaned by the army to cover Tony’s spot on the team was busy using the ‘Barrel of Monkeys’ trick Tony had pulled off for the Mandarin attack. All the while avoiding pot-shots from what could only be described as more of a fashion deviant than anything else. Seriously, the guy looked like his name was Norm or Lloyd and he taught tenth grade maths or something.

He could see from Natasha’s face that even she wasn’t into it too much. Well at least until he aimed the beam at a twelve storey building and suddenly the street was rumbling and there was floating debris and the game suddenly had higher stakes.

“ JARVIS? How many life form are in the building?”  Tony demanded briskly.

“Scans indicate that the building has been cleared – SHEILD has already begun evacuating civilians in a twelve block radius”

“That isn’t enough but I can work with it”

“Widow what’s the situation?” he asked on the group comms as he skilfully grabbed a group of three children who were floating past him to the left.

Natasha seemed surprised as she deftly avoided stray beams from the mounted, multiple chamber gravity altering beam cannon thingy that could have made Harley wet himself in joy.

“We’ve got this bedazzle queen here and reports of at least five minions in other parts of the city with handheld devices similar to this one”

“Whose on ‘em?”  Tony asked as he towed a line of people away from the danger zone.

“SHEILD operatives, Thor and Clint-”

“Were on it” interjected Clint, “ minions have been neutralized and we’re on our way back now”

“Where do I drop off my people?” asked Tony.

“ Right outside SHEILD perimeter are stations to take in the victims – check your file”

The nearest station was a couple of blocks away. SHEILD was using some kind of harness to anchor the people to the ground. The relief team got the first and last person harnessed and Tony took off again.

When he got back, the rest of the Avengers were trying to divert the Diva while trying to take out the cannon.

“How’s he operating it?” he asked as he swerved to avoid a blast that hit a streetlight which promptly went up taking pavement with it.

“Handheld device, I can take it out if you say so” said Clint.

“JARVIS?”

“Not  a good idea sir. The weapon could potentially do more damage once released from the device’s control.”

“Then we need to get the guy- Clint – take him out”

“ Need more distraction, get him to come forward guys”

“We can’t seem to draw him out” growled Captain America.

“Amateurs” snickered Tony as he drew closer.

  
“JARVIS, can the suit take the hit?”

“Flight stabilizers should be able to handle it”

“Booyah!”

 

Very few people gave Tony the credit he deserved for his split second ability to make calculations. He dove gracefully, seemingly dive-bombing the guy who swiftly covered himself with his guns. He swerved, making a hairpin turn before releasing a repulsor blast that took out the wall of the building the man was set up in front of and with a yelp he moved forward.

“A little more guys!” yelled Clint

“Cap! I’m coming in for you – Widow, Thor, Patriot distract from all angles!”

Before Captain America could reply, he was swooping in and their arms connected and the soldier vaulted onto his back right before a beam hit where he had stood moments before.

“Plan Iron Man?” barked the soldier.

“The same as just now use your shield to make him let go of the device, I’ll make him go forward and Clint will take him out.

He dropped, Cap jumped and twisted his body mid-air as Tony  took out more of the building. With Thor and War Machine circling above and blasting, the cannons and the man were distracted enough, the falling debris made him lurch forward involuntarily and the shield sang through the air connecting with his arm while at the same time an arrow whistled and the net Tony had designed released and tangled itself around the man.

The cannons weren’t moving any more but remained pointed in a fixed direction, their beams powered down as Natasha darted forward and grabbed the controller.

 

“It was too easy” were the first words out of Tony’s mouth as soon as they got back to SHEILD – thankfully leaving the clean up to other people.

“What part of flying building parts and people was easy Tones?” grumbled Rhodey.

“Exactly that! If I made a device that could defy the laws of gravity , why the hell would I make it stationary and make myself a sitting duck while a bunch of superheroes were aimed at me”

“Well he didn’t make the weapon” said Coulson calmly – the man could make a fortune on tea advertisements - he was always so fucking unruffled.

“I could have told you that” snorted Tony because logistics aside, anyone who wore sequined blue and yellow cat suits just didn’t scream evil genius, “but who did?”

“Reed Richards apparently” replied Fury coming through the doors in a dramatic swirl of coat – Tony could practically hear the “Shaft! You’re daamn right…” in his mind.

“The Fantastic Four leader” Steve quirked an eyebrow.

“Why am I not fucking surprised?” Tony muttered under his breath.

“Richards is on his way now to take apart the device and reverse its effects. The Fantastic Four were on call in a South American country when this went down.”

“How many times have his devices been used to wreak mayhem?” asked Bruce tiredly. He had been left behind for the mission because a floating rage monster was no one’s opinion of a party.

“My point exactly!” said Tony slamming his fist on the table. “ Does he just leave his door open and have a labelled box with all his toys lying in the hallway or something?”

“Stark, to be fair – you’ve also had your technology stolen before” said Coulson with an arched eyebrow.

“Not the same thing” snapped Tony, “ my missiles were sold under the table by a trusted family friend and my arc reactor was literally pried from my cold dying body by said family friend and while that says a lot about my judgement of character it does not say anything about my kickass security”

“Can we all just get back to the matter at hand” said Rhodey tightly as he clenched his fist – a sure sign of stress.

“Now,” Rhodey continued, “ as Tony said, this was too simplistic. My guess is a diversionary tactic – what for I don’t know but if this is the diversion it’s gotta be pretty huge”

“We’re still sorting out the situation on the ground.  All eight of the suspects are in custody now”

“Eight?” as Thor with a confused look.

“Yeah – one of our agents found a couple of unconscious cohorts of our psychopath  three blocks away from her target. They were tied and lying in the street as if awaiting her pickup”

Tony’s heart skipped a beat, “Spiderman?” he asked lightly.

“There were no reports of webbing anywhere”

 

Pending further information – mainly Richards’ arrival there was little else to be discussed besides estimated casualties, preliminary missing persons reports, contingency plans in case of a recurrence and other worst case scenarios.

The meeting ended ominously with the question of what it all might be for looming over their heads.

As soon as they cleared the room though, Rhodey dropped the persona of Colonel Rhodes and grabbed Tony into a bear hug.

“Dammit man I’ve missed you”

“You could have dropped by anytime asshole”, grinned Tony.

Rhodey rolled his eyes, “between Avengers training and missions? I don’t have that much energy, punk”

The others fell in place around him as they walked down the hall. Clint bopped him over the head and said, “ Is it true you pissed off the comb over guy in Palm  Beach?”

Before Tony could protest Thor added, “Indeed Anthony! You must tell us of your marvelous adventures on this Beach of Palms!”

“If you guys act this excited my ego will grow even bigger than it already is” Tony said with a sideways grin.

Natasha snorted, “Don’t rise to the bait guys – I know for a fact that he listens to Beyoncé”

Cap looked thoroughly at sea so Tony said helpfully, “I’ll add it to your playlist for you if you want”

Steve seemed to evaluate his statement for sarcasm before nodding briefly giving him the slightest hint of a smile.

 

There were small mercies in the world. Even though half of New York was still panicking and shut down from floating debris and (formerly) floating people , their favourite Chinese restaurant was still opening and willing to do delivery.

They all gathered and collapsed on the couches in the living room of the tower after their respective armour had been removed. Rhodey was perched on Tony’s armrest as he sipped a beer. Natasha was curled up on one end of the couch while Bruce was on the other and Clint was draped between them.  Thor and Cap were on the loveseat, Thor’s arms folded behind his head as his white tee drew up slightly like some Norwegian porn star, and next to him, Steve sat in a navy blue sweater with a white vest and grey sweatpants. His toes peeked out as he leaned his back against the armrest. Tony averted his eyes.

“So Tony, any hot guests while you were in Florida?” asked Clint with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Tony shrugged, “ A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell”

“Which is why I’m asking you”

Tony pulled a shocked face and affected a terrible southern belle accent, “why I do declare! Are you callin' me an immodest thing? Bless your heart ,young man” he finished primly while Clint guffawed on the couch and Bruce and Tasha were smiling when Rhodey put a hand on his shoulder and said seriously, “don’t ever talk like that again… ever” with a shudder.

“Yes dear”

“Is something the matter with Anthony’s voice?” asked Thor in a bemused tone.

 

The easy banter that came post mission relaxed them all as they ate Chinese food and joked around. Tony felt himself falling into place as his teammates filled him in on what he had missed out. They didn’t mention his bender for which he was grateful and they all just seemed happy to see him – even Steve somewhat (or maybe he was a really good actor).

Rhodey didn’t mind their relief besides ruffling Tony’s hair and grunting good-humouredly that they were an ungrateful bunch and what was he? Chopped liver?

“What is it with you and out-dated sayings man?” Tony had asked and that had made Rhodey ruffle his hair all over again while Tony protested that his hair would stink of sesame oil and Rhodey said, “ good – you’ll remember to shower on time now”.

Tony had leant into Rhodey’s side while the latter absentmindedly stroked his hair when he happened to look up and see Steve gazing at him intently. He raised an eyebrow at the other man who, to his surprise blushed and looked away.

Tony sighed inwardly. Well maybe things weren’t so perfect. But there was nothing more he could do than apologize privately later and hope for the best. Maybe Steve wouldn’t bear as deep a grudge at him that way.

By the time they had had a few drinks after dinner, the exhaustion was more pronounced and Clint was already curling into a ball despite his assurances that he was totally awake.

With a stern voice Natasha ordered him to go to sleep and he went albeit a bit mutinously, as she followed him like a strict nanny.

Rhodey departed for his quarters as well after stifling a yawn. “I’ll see you in the morning Tones,” he grunted as he got up.

Tony hummed in agreement.

Bruce shot a furtive look before casually mentioning to Thor that he could show him how to use the video chat on his computer. Thor was most enthusiastic to be able to speak to his ‘Fair Jane’ in the morning (Dr Foster was doing research in England at the moment).

 

Tony fingered the threadbare long sleeve of his t-shirt under his Black Sabbath t-shirt as he steeled himself before asking Steve quietly, “ Can we talk?”

Steve seemed to be expecting it – the others (especially Bruce) weren’t very subtle.

Steve was going to say something when Tony held up a finger to pause him and glanced up.

“ J, can you secure the room?”

“The room is secure sir”

“Don’t worry – it’s just to make sure Thor or the others don’t walk in on what I have to say – that would be a bit awkward” he smiled to reassure Steve who had a slightly uneasy look.

Christ maybe the guy thought he was gonna jump him or something…

Tony decided to lay his cards down on the table.

“Well first off, I owe you a huge apology – especially you – for my actions towards you as well as my actions which affected the team”

Steve looked as though he was going to say something but Tony continued on quickly, “ I know it was downright unprofessional and a bit disturbing but I hope you’ll listen to my explanation first”  

Steve closed his mouth and nodded and Tony took a brief breath before he continued, “ You probably know this from my files, but my father and I didn’t have the greatest relationship”  this was the understatement of the century but Tony’s daddy issues weren’t really the point at the moment.

“Anyway, I guess you could say that as a kid I was jealous of the attention he paid to you – you know that he continued searching for you after your plane went down – so I always felt like you were the guy who took my dad’s attention from me – and I know that totally wasn’t your fault!” Tony rubbed his brow in frustration, “ look what I’m trying to say is that I could never understand why my dad cared so much which was why I was such a dick to you when we first met but now – now that I know you I can see what a great person you are and that it wasn’t just a lot of hot air or anything. You’re an important team mate to me”

Something shifted in Steve’s face so Tony hurried on, “ I know my comments were out of line about Sharon and Peggy Carter and the best I can explain is that maybe it was a misguided effort to keep your attention to myself – maybe my daddy issues run deeper than I thought - which is something an army of shrinks mightn't ever be able to get to the bottom of and no doubt Sigmund Freud is laughing it up wherever he is but the point is – I’m over it now” he blurted out. “ So you don’t have to be uncomfortable around me – I’ll be strictly professional – well as professional as I ever am – but you don’t need to worry because I’m not” he waved his hands frantically, “ y’know it’s not – that” he said ineloquently. “ I guess I was just lonely” he muttered almost to himself. And that was the truest thing he had ever said. He was so damned lonely it hurt.

It hurt till he was desperate enough to make a connection anywhere he could – till he had practically destroyed one of the best things in his life still – his friendship with Steve while hurting a guy who in no way deserved to be harassed the way Tony had harassed him simply because he was a lonely delusional idiot.

Steve was silent for a moment and Tony tensed himself for the onslaught of scorn or disgust which he had conjured up in his mind every time he ran through this scenario. But it never came.

“I – we all missed you, y’know” Steve said quietly.

Tony smiled but he didn’t feel it.

“I have never felt threatened by you Tony, and I never will – you’re… an important person to me and always will be as well” Steve said and there was no guile in his voice. That was Steve – forthright in everything, honest till it hurt.

 

“And Tony” Steve continued hesitantly, making him look up to meet the other man’s eyes, “I …” his puppy dog eyes were on, “ I know this might sound a bit … I…” he struggled to find the words before saying softly, “ could we be friends?”

Tony’s heart soared and he smiled in relief as he said, “I’d like that a lot Steve”

Tony huffed out a breath as he continued more briskly, “Now I need to go blow something up in the lab to reclaim all the testosterone I just lost – followed by a shower – thanks to Rhodey”

He hitched a smile a Steve as he got off the couch and turned to pad off to the hallway, “see you later, man”  

He made his exit feeling decidedly better that he hadn’t fucked things up beyond repair apparently.

It was going to be okay now.


	11. Should I stay or Should I go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's brain shuts down *frequently* when he's hit with the unexpected
> 
> There'll probably be some Steve POV chapters next - kind of unavoidable and a lot of *stuff* is looming on the horizon  
> for this plot so *fingers crossed*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're trying to reshape me in a moment  
> In the image of someone you used to know  
> I won't be a stand-in for an old love  
> Take me as I am or let me go.

“Why does Captain America think we’re dating?” snarled Tony when Rhodey finally answered his damned phone.

“It’s the middle of the night Tony” moaned Rhodey.

“Then pretend it’s a sexy call since apparently WE’RE DATING!” snapped Tony.

Tony could feel his breathing pick up as his heart beat faster.

No no no no ! Not now!

He grabbed his arm and crouched down beside his bed. He groped frantically for the bottle of scotch and clutched it to his chest for reassurance.

“Tony ! Tony are you there?” there was genuine concern in Rhodey’s voice now.

“Yep – I’m here. I’m fine. Now get to explaining Colonel” Tony replied as he did the breathing technique Bruce had showed him. Inhale one two. Exhale one two. Repeat until no longer freaking out.

“Explain what?” asked Rhodey in a would-be innocent voice and Tony could have snorted in derision if it wouldn’t mess up his technique.

“J, speaker please” he said as he lay the phone next to him and focused on the wall before replying to his best friend, “ Rhodey, * _inhale*_ don’t play innocent with me _*exhale* *inhale*_ that voice didn’t work on Mr McCain when you were thirteen _*exhale*_ and it ain’t gonna work on me now _*inhale*_ so tell me” he continued overriding Rhodey’s indignation, “why does Captain America _,*exhale*_ national icon and all that _,*inhale*_ seem to be under the impression _*exhale*_ you and I are _*inhale*_ – what was the term now – ‘fonduing’?”

There was definitely a smothered laugh.

“I’ll have you know Mr McCain would have totally believed me if you weren’t such a dork and ratted us out”

Now it was Tony’s turn to protest as he forgot all about breathing, “Excuse ME? I-”

“Anyway back to Captain America” said Rhodey and Tony was all ears, “I may or may not have hinted that you and I used to be an item… and we might be getting back together”

Whuu?

“And he believed that?”

He could practically hear the smugness in Rhodey’s voice as he said, “I’m a good actor”

Nope, he wasn’t going to get an anxiety attack , he was headed towards a full blown migraine.

“Buddy,” he said slowly and calmly, “why would you do that? I mean you – guy who can have a shrine built to his heterosexuality and who gives me the frowny face when a waitress in a diner calls us a cute couple – why would you willingly mislead a centenarian into thinking we were knocking boots?”

“Cuz he’s an asshole” came the resolute reply.

“Whoa whoa!” Tony held up his hand as if Rhodey could see, “ am I missing something here? What happened while I was gone?” there was a throb in his temple.

Rhodey sighed,” okay maybe ‘asshole’ is a strong word but he needed someone to make him pull his head out his ass”

“So you volunteered by saying I was tappin’ your ass?”

“I think we both know I’d do the tappin’ in this relationship Tony” Rhodey said in such a matter of fact tone that Tony wondered how many times the other guy had ever considered – which was a bit (scratch that) a lot weird, before he replied, “ even if you did I’d still be a power bottom”

There was a small choking noise on the other end and Tony quickly said, “see! that right there is what I don’t understand. You’re not even interested in the male anatomy in any passing way and despite what you think you’re not a good actor so how did you manage to convince him we were … Pepper’s in on this too isn’t she” he said with resignation.

 

There was a noncommittal grunt from his friend which meant a definite yes.

Of course Pepper was in on this too. When in doubt about Tony Stark one usually consulted Pepper. She was the Tony whisperer.

 

Tony mashed his palm into his face as he said , “ This is not over Rhodes”

The other man had the nerve to laugh outright as he hung up.

 

At first, when Tony came back, he thought Steve was acting weird towards him because of ‘that’. So he had given him time. They had decided that team training was needed which included War Machine and Falcon (Tony had suggested it when they were having a group meeting and Steve had happily agreed).

The extra manpower would not go amiss as; if anyone of the current team was ever injured (or benched due to benders); someone needed to be around to pick up the slack.

Sam had been enthusiastic (though he tried to play it off by acting cool) and had agreed to come to training while he thought over the idea (Tony was already designing his floor).

 

It was a week into his return and they had just had their first training session together with War Machine and Falcon – Tony had dubbed Sam and Hawkeye ‘bird bros’ when they collapsed en masse in the living room.

Steve’s ‘no gear’ policy had them pairing off and Tasha had given him a black eye as well a broken spleen (not really but that’s what it felt like) due to a well-timed boot.

“Rhodey, baby – if you ever loved me you would get me an icepack and scotch”

Rhodey, who was on his way to the kitchen rolled his eyes and said, “You’ll get the ice pack”

Tony had whined in protest and it had been Natasha who handed him a shot of vodka. He still didn’t know where she pulled it out from but who really asked an assassin those questions?

“You’re beautiful Tasha – have my babies – they’ll have both our good looks and brains … on second thought no – we can’t have kids – they’ll definitely be able to take over the world” he shook his head seriously. Natasha gazed at him unimpressed as she took out her blades and began cleaning them.

Rhodey sat on his armrest and placed an icepack on his face – effectively cutting off his speech.

Tony spluttered, “Just cuz you’re jealous doesn’t mean you have to act that way Rhodey”

Rhodey repositioned the icepack to his eye and ruffled his hair. Tony leaned into the other man, while listening to Clint give his input on what would make great upgrades for his arrow. His eyes strayed to Steve who to his surprise was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

Mentally shrugging it off, he had looked away and resumed listening to Clint’s Christmas list even though they were still in September.

In retrospect, he hadn’t realised that Rhodey had seemed more handsy with him. Tony liked sidling up to Rhodey as a matter of habit – he gave good bro hugs. So lots of physical contact with Rhodey was nothing new – though he was usually the one initiating most of it – save for when Rhodey was worried- like back in Afghanistan – he had clutched Tony then.

 

But Tony began to notice the strange looks Steve was giving him more often.  The blonde’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion sometimes when he looked at Tony and Tony himself was bewildered as to the cause. He was giving Steve space – that was fine right? He wasn’t saying anything to make the other guy feel uncomfortable – well at least not uncomfortable about _his_ own safety – the flirting thing was hard to turn off but Steve had seen him flirt with everyone before and he _was_ trying to tone it down … somewhat. So Steve shouldn’t have looked at him like that just cause he complimented Natasha on her outfit before she went on an undercover mission for SHIELD or if he made a passing remark at Clint post workout while the good captain was nearby…

He hadn’t made any untoward comments about Sharon Carter – not that she had been dropping by much recently… so Tony was at a definite loss over the looks.

Maybe it was the thought that Tony might be bisexual that was creeping Steve out. Steve had never hinted that he had anything against the gay community but there _is_ a difference between being fine with something in theory but not okay when confronted with it in reality. Which Tony could totally understand.

So he let it pass for a couple more weeks. And Cap and he had even sat next to each other during the last couple of movie nights (Rhodey was usually on the other side so Tony was mashed in the middle and had to pinch himself _not_ to make a sandwich joke) and it had all seemed kosher.

But what he had not been expecting was being confronted with anger.

He was in the kitchen that night having a ‘just mulling over ideas’ cup of coffee around ten, when Clint came bounding in excited.

“Stark, now I know you love me!” he waved the new bow at him.

Tony arched an eyebrow, “ I take it you like the new gear?”

“Like?” Clint spluttered, “It’s perfect – I want to marry it and have its kids – hell I want to marry you and have your kids right now!” 

“What would Tasha say?” Tony replied with a laugh. Seriously, Clint was acting like Christmas had come already even though it was still a full two months away.

Clint waved off the idea of possibly offending his *not really but yea* girlfriend by saying, “she’d understand if she saw _this_ ” he held out the bow reverently, enraptured by its shapes and curves. The way he began touching it bordered on obscene.

“And that’s just the prototype” Tony said teasingly, “ The real one even has a slot that releases skittles- ooph!”

Clint had practically hurled himself into Tony’s lap as he hugged him.

“You shut your dirty mouth Stark – if this comes with candy I’ll bend you over the kitchen table”

Tony was cracking up already but recovered enough to banter back, “ Oh yeah? You sure you could handle that ride Birdbrain?”

“Honey I’d have you walking with a limp for at least a week” Clint sassed with a grin.

“But would it have been an _enjoyable_ ache or just an amateur who doesn’t know skill from force?” Tony shot back.

“Archers have strong but dexterous _fingers_ ”

“Even if you think you can _hand_ le the situation – are you so sure you can _push_ through the root of the issue?”

“Baby” said Clint with exaggerated swagger and a decided leer as he gazed down at Tony, “ I’ve never had a problem with knowing where to _press_ and _prod_ – I’m built for action – I have the _thrust_ to get _any_ job done” he finished with a waggle of his brows.

Tony couldn’t help it – the laughter he had been holding back burst forward and Clint’s face wobbled before he too relented as they hooted and downright cackled.

Clint opened his mouth to say something when his phone rang, “Hello!” he answered and Tony saw his face morph into pleasure as he got off of him and strode off in the direction of the living room, “ Nat – you’ll never believe this – Tony made _the_ perfect bow-”

 

Tony was still sitting with his head down on the counter as he tried to control his laughter.

“Do you really think you should be carrying on like that?”

Tony shot up to see a decidedly _irritated_ Steve.

“Hey Cap?” he shifted uneasily in his seat.

“Should you be acting like that Tony?” Steve snapped and Tony surreptitiously dug a nail into the back of his thumb.

“Like what? You know I don’t mean it – c’mon you’ve seen me joke around like that all the time” he trailed off.

“And that’s the problem!” said Steve angrily. “God! I don’t even know why I was – look I know you joke around a lot Tony but think of how other people take it would you?”

“Look Steve” said Tony as he edged out of his seat, “ I know gay humour might still be a little unsettling to you-”

“I mean think about what Colonel Rhodes might think about it !”

“Huh?” Tony was confused. What did it matter what Rhodey thought about his flirting?

“ I know you both are … ‘fonduing’ and – I-I don’t know what it’s like for you but in my days if a guy saw his dame trying to make a pass at everyone left right and centre I think he’d be pretty upset to say the least”

Tony spluttered, “ I wasn’t making a pass-”  while his brain was still going _‘fonduing’_?

“I – think about your boyfriend would’ya? The guy is really trying here” and without waiting for a reply he just walked off, leaving a stunned silent Tony behind.

 

It took a very long time for Steve’s words to register. Tony just stood in the kitchen staring off at the far wall with his head tilted slightly as he ran and reran the moment again and again as his brain tried to process it.

After replaying the scenario, gathering the semantics of it all, taking into account meaning change in words since the 1940s … Tony could safely conclude that Captain America thought he was dating Col. James Rhodes … among other things.

Like a zombie he had set off for his room – his lab had too many sharp and explosive objects for him to have that conversation he apparently needed to have with his best friend. After a few more hours of having a *minor* rantfest (while drinking scotch – lots of scotch) to a very unruffled JARVIS who finally told him flatly to either call Rhodey or go talk to Captain America… he had dialled the other man.

 

And now after his call he was feeling a lot of impotent rage and a massive headache because alcohol didn’t really help his migraines apparently. So he had JARVIS dial Pepper- because dialling was difficult when one side of your face felt like it had gotten punched in by the Hulk.

“Hello? Tony? Is everything okay?!” Pepper sounded worried. Good.

“No, everything is not okay Pep. I just got off the phone with Rhodey and apparently you’re helping him convince Captain America that he and I are dating?”

“Wha – who” there was a sigh, “ seriously Tony? It’s like” there was a rustling sound and then a groan, “it’s three in the morning and you’re calling me to ask about Captain America and who he’s dating? This couldn’t wait till morning?”

“Pepper Potts, did you in anyway mislead Captain America about my relationship with Rhodey?”

The silence was a beat too long before she said, “ Look he called me to talk about you and Rhodey so I told him you guys fought like an old married couple and the repressed sexual tension between you two was thick enough to cut and …” there was a pause as if she was recollecting something, “Oh yeah! I said I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys skipped town to get hitched in Vegas”

The headache spread to the right side of his face and he crouched with his forehead on his knees.

“I didn’t say any of it seriously”

“Pepper – you were being carefully flippant with a guy you know would easily misconstrue it and now I have a legendary superhero calling me – for want of a better word – a _hussy_ ”

“Tony – you were called worse just yesterday morning by a senator.”

“Look Pep – I don’t need him weirding out because he thinks I’m gay”

“Hmm… from our conversation it didn’t seem like that to me”

“Listen up Pep, if you don’t want me doing a front page spread announcing my deep and devoted love to Rhodes – the two of you better shut down this operation.”

Pepper called his bluff, “Do it”

She was so fucking unperturbed it was both arousing and disturbing.

“I will” he threatened petulantly.

“Stark Industries has consistently been rated as a top company which supports diversity – if we have a gay former CEO then we could lock down Forbes’ list for the third year in a row”

“You’d be okay with pimping me out to get an award- despite the hit the stocks might take?”

“I’d personally string up the rainbow banners across all our lobbies”

Tony had to chuckle at that one.

“Tony you don’t have to be scared you know”

“I’m not scared and I’m not being paranoid – I got epically shot down from the guy already and I just don’t want to see the look of disgust on his face again so could you guys please … don’t make him think I’m gay…”

“This has something to do with your father right?”

Tony’s stomach lurched but he said briskly, “ don’t know what you’re talking about Pep”

“Tony I knew from the moment I met you that you were at least bicurious- I’ve seen the way you looked at Emilio from legal - but I always wondered why you held back so much which I figured out later must have had something to do with-”

“Pep will you do it or not?” Tony cut her off. Pepper knew that mentioning Howard with certain things were big no-nos

 

“Fine – if – and I do mean _if_ he calls back – I’ll set the record straight. And by the way Tony – there’ll be a lot more fans of yours – especially in the company if you did come out”

“Uhuh so my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard – just stop messin’ with the guy will you?”

There was a coughing, spluttering sound before Pep came back sounding out of breath, “ Why would you _say_ that? Now I can’t ever listen to that song again! You already ruined Star Wars for me!”

“How did _I_ ruin Star Wars for _you_?”

“You set Darth Vader’s theme as my ringtone Tony”

“In my defence The Imperial March was a badass piece of music”

He could practically see her shaking her head silently.

“Thanks” he whispered.

“For what?”

“For still caring enough to pick up”

There was a moment’s pause before she replied, “Thanks for caring enough to dial”

Tony closed his eyes and said honestly, “you’re amazing, you know that?”

“ I know”

 

 

Steve was trying to brainwash him straight. Not literally but there was some bizarre logic going on under the cowl. It started seemingly innocently enough. Three days after Tony had had his talk with his friends Steve abruptly invited him to a baseball match.

Tony went along with it because it was Steve and he was desperate to repair their friendship. What followed was an evening of listening to mutinous whispered rants about the Yankees, the loss of the Dodgers and lots of ‘manly’ slaps on the shoulder.

Steve had gotten them seats right in the crowd and there was so much noise and people everywhere. He had declined Tony’s offer to just get them a private lounge, his face going a bit red as he said, “Nope – this is my treat” so Tony had shrugged his shoulders and sat through the torture despite being more of a football fan because at least they were _doing_ something together again. Art museum trips seemed to be permanently off the table. Either way neither of them enjoyed the trip very much between the lack of talking, the constant phones whipping out to snap them, the noise from a group of loud assholes behind them that Tony was tempted to stun with his handy iron man weapon (improved from the one he had given Harley – this one caused longer lasting results) and just the general aura of awkward that hung over them.

After the baseball disaster, Steve seemed to get really enthusiastic about group _everything_. The Avengers already did team bonding via training and movie night and the occasional midnight munchies but group activities were now going full speed ahead. There were group breakfasts and then group training followed by group lunch and there was the idea of group bowling until Widow put her foot down and said ‘No offense’ but she saw enough of the rest of them already so unless group manicures were next on the list she was vetoing the idea.

Bruce seconded Tasha with relief and Tony saw Steve visibly deflate and shoot them all sad puppy eyes which for some reason everyone else was impervious to – even Sam who had moved in the week before.

Then there was the way Howard seemed to creep into every conversation they had until finally Tony told him as gently as he could that he really didn’t like talking about his father much. And again cue the sad eyes.

Tony’s growing suspicion was confirmed when the next time Steve came bounding through his doors was to take him to a boxing match.

He was adding the stealth features to the new suits because it was a good idea – even if it was suggested by a kid who had an unhealthy obsession with pneumatic weaponry.

“Tony!” called Steve cheerfully from the doorway.

Tony looked up from the schematics before him to smile at the other man, “Hey Cap”

“You’re just the guy I was lookin’ for – guess what I got?”

_A manic gleam and super strength?_ Tony wondered to himself while aloud he said, “What?”

“Two tickets to the match tonight! The fight starts at 9pm – you in?” he waved the tickets teasingly.

And that right there was the last straw.

“You hate boxing Steve” said Tony quietly.

“I – look someone gave me the tickets – it’s no big deal” Steve said as if trying to convince himself.

Tony sighed and closed down the hologram. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table.

“Look Cap – I know I might be reading this all wrong but is this about the Rhodey thing?”

He saw the other man’s breath hitch and that was all the confirmation he needed.

“You do know he and Pepper are shitting you right? Me and Rhodey aren’t together”

“I know!” the blonde blurted out.

“Uhh – Colonel Rhodes called me the day after we argued and cleared that up” he looked down blushing.

“So is this some weird long winded apology thing you’re doing?”

“No!” Steve said frantically, “ I –just like doing stuff with you -  I wanted us to get along…” he trailed off.

“By taking me to see a team you hate and now taking me to see a sport you hate? C’mon Steve – believe it or not I’m not slow – you’ve been trying to avoid me”

“How can you say that?” bristled Steve, “ I’ve been the one asking you out to places since you came back!”

“Places with lots of people around and lots of ‘manly’ stuff to be done – do you realize this is the first conversation we’ve had in a while where you haven’t brought up my father either?”

“Jesus! Can I ever win with you?” snapped Steve. “Can’t a guy ask his friend to a have a good time without making it into some kind of mind game?”

“You’re the one playing mind games!” yelled Tony as he went around the table and walked towards the taller man.

As he drew closer he saw Steve stiffen and laughed humorlessly, “See this right here is the shit I’m talking about. You act like I’m gonna jump you every time I get less than three feet away from you. You’re not comfortable with me because in your mind I’m still the fag who hit on you”

“Don’t say that word Tony” snarled Steve, “I don’t care what your orientation is !”

“So you say!” and Tony could have wept bitterly, “ you say these things don’t matter but they do and I’ve been trying to be understanding – I’ve been trying to be professional and not make you uncomfortable – dammit Steve I’ve been bending over backwards for you here!”

Steve bowed his head and Tony saw his throat bob before the blonde whispered, “No you haven’t”

“Excuse me?”

“No you haven’t!” said Steve more audibly as he stepped closer making Tony automatically step back, “If you were trying you wouldn’t fall asleep on the couch sometimes. If you were trying you wouldn’t walk around with oil stains on your face. If you were trying Tony,” he breathed, “ you wouldn’t mention bending over anything in a sentence” Tony’s back hit the edge of his work table and the other man loomed above him.

“If you we’re trying Tony” Steve continued, his voice deep and gravelly, his pupils wide as ice blue pools glared down at him, “not doing this wouldn’t be so damn hard” he muttered as his lips forcefully pressed into Tony’s.

Tony’s mind stopped. Two pink firm lips pressed against his short circuited his brain. Steve’s hand had pressed itself on the small of his back pulling him closer and it was only when he felt the light nibbling on his lower lip as a hint of tongue demanded entrance that his reflexes shot into gear and he opened up for Steve.

He closed his eyes and allowed his body to take over. His hands roamed along broad firm lines, coming to rest at the nape of the other man.

Steve in turn was exploring him, one hand cupping his jaw gently while the other trailed up his side, moving in an exciting wave from his hip upwards. His finger brushed against Tony’s right nipple and Tony released an involuntary moan that had the other man stiffening.

“Sorry I” he blurted out before Steve re-joined their lips forcefully and Tony felt _something_ as their hips touched.

“If you make that sound again I won’t be able to stop” Steve said out of the side of his mouth as he continued his oral assault.

“God yes” sighed Tony as his hands gave a light tug on the bottom of Steve’s shirt to get it out of his pants.

“No!” Steve pushed him away suddenly and Tony felt himself recoil inwards in shock. Did he make a mistake?

“This is a bit too soon” blustered Steve, “ I want – Tony you have no idea how much I want _this_ but can we slow down a bit?”

“This _us_ or this sex?” asked Tony hesitantly.

“This sex … please I” Steve fumbled, his face bright red.

“Of course” Tony blurted out in pure relief, “that’s fine – we don’t have to ever have sex if you want”

“That would be unfortunate, ‘cause I really wanna do it sometime in the future” Steve said dryly and Tony couldn't help bursting out laughing.

“Kay” Tony agreed with a half-smile, “but can we still continue with the kissing for now? I was really enjoying that”

“Me too”

 

 

 

It was long after Steve had *reluctantly* left and Tony was still staring at nothing in particular while absentmindedly petting U. His eyes furrowed in confusion as he tried to work what just happened out.

“Hey Tony, I've been looking over these energy readings-” Bruce stopped short in the doorway.

“Hi Bruce” he said calmly.

“Are you okay Tony?” asked Bruce cautiously.

Tony turned to face his friend and said helplessly, “I just found out there might be a God”


	12. What I like about you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly I apologize for how long this took to update (exams - minor stress/freak out etc)   
> Secondly I apologize for its suckiness - it's more of an entryway into later developments (that will definitely happen next chapter)   
> There are shifts to Steve's perspective and hints of Tony's past   
> comments are fun but please don't outright eviscerate me lol (college is doing that already) *cries in corner*

When Tony was nine, his mother decided he needed some ‘culture’ in his life. As the only parent who gave him more than sporadic attention at best, he had endeavoured to please her – that was until he realised it involved being bored out of his mind.

From 3-5 pm every Thursday, Tony found himself in the presence of other little shits around his age being taught the foxtrot and tango by a greying couple (with sticks so far up their derrieres their uvulas felt ‘em) called the Sinclairs while the mothers or nannies milled around trying to surreptitiously drink from their stashes while gossiping about the latest scandal.

Theoretically, this was supposed to both socialize him as well as provide him with one of the skills the elites deemed necessary to their survival. It did not end well…

The Sinclairs were all about ‘feeling the music within you’ while they practiced the steps on the dark well-worn floors. Tony however, had had just about enough of his half-a-head-taller partner giving him the stink eye and treading on his foot intentionally while still trying to keep the ramrod straight back Madame demanded, that the next time they asked them to ‘feel the music’ he quipped that quite frankly all he could feel was gas.

There might have been a minor breakdown of order, an organized rebellion of the students and then finally a carefully worded notice of dismissal to a furious Maria (which he did feel bad about later) but it wasn’t until Tony woke up that morning, so many years later that he finally _got_ what the old bats were talking about.

He honestly _felt_ like dancing. Like grabbing a random passer-by and going full dance sequence like they did in those illogical musicals that Pep had dragged him too (also in the name of giving him culture).

The point was that he felt happy. Giddy. Like sugar high happy (the good sugar high – not the twitchy kind). And it was because of a certain blonde with a patriotic streak a mile wide.

“ _Good Morning Sir_ ” came JARVIS’ dulcet tones from above.

“It’s a great morning actually”

Tony hadn’t felt this exhilarated since the first time he flew the Mark II (the falling due to icing not so much but *meh*)

“Might I express my pleasant surprise then?” replied JARVIS.

“You may buddy – and I’ll even ignore that hint of sarcasm I heard there because I’m in such a good mood too” grinned Tony.

“Really? The Captain must have an even bigger influence than I first considered then” came the dry retort.

JARVIS needed prunes sometimes.

The bots were pleased to see him in a playful mood as he twirled them by their claws and before giving them all new balls though he knew they’d destroy in hours but whatever.

“Hey buddy” called Tony to JARVIS, “what is the good captain up to?” he called in a would-be innocent voice.

“The Captain is currently on his morning run. Should I call him back to the tower sir?”

Tony buried a tiny pang of disappointment at Steve’s absence. He immediately perked up again as new possibilities presented themselves.

“Hey J, what are some cool stuff old people would appreciate?” he asked his AI eagerly.

“Arthritic balm and hearing aids?” came the droll reply.

“Hardy har” replied Tony with a roll of his eyes, “ no I’m talking about good dating spots with maybe a 1940s motif – y’know something Steve might like?”

“In New York or perhaps a wider area?” there was definitely a warm tone to his friend now.

“Surprise me baby” grinned Tony with a manic glint in his eye.

*o.0.o*

Steve’s jog around Central Park allowed him a lot of processing time which he honestly needed at the moment. It felt like only yesterday his greatest worry was stopping back alley bullies from picking on the weak (somehow despite his stature he never thought of himself in that category). From the moment Erskine’s formula took effect it was like he had stepped into a fantasy world that extended beyond his wildest imagination.

The war – the war he had faced seemed almost mythical with mystical artefacts and face peeling villains and Steve’s reality was constantly being smashed and reassembled from moment to moment until the crash into the dark icy waters. His world continued to make even less sense since he woke up. Now there were aliens and space gods and (with a lurch of his stomach) people coming back from the dead.

What he had not expected per se was finding himself in a modern world where gay rights were a thing and where two men could get married and even start a family and some small part of him was very pleased at this discovery when he had been briefed by SHIELD.

During the war there were things one had the good sense to never mention out of mutual respect. If occasionally he saw two soldiers heading in a certain direction on camp – well – he could understand their reason for needing comfort anywhere they could find it. He thought back wryly on the agent who was briefing him on cultural developments that had occurred while he was asleep and almost chuckled aloud as he remembered how distinctly uncomfortable the man was.

Really – people of this generation always seemed to think they invented sex. Back in his day there were even some clubs a gentleman of a certain persuasion could go to find company.  

His stomach lurched again and he almost stumbled on the path when it settled in that _he_ was now one of _those_ gentlemen. There was a mild wave of nausea and panic roiling in the pit of his stomach as he came to a dead halt.

 _Gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer - it_ came down to him liking Tony. Somehow the labels didn’t seem to fit so easily for him. Steve could admit that Tony was a handsome man just as his father was a handsome man before him. But it was more than that with the younger Stark …

There was something so gratifyingly carnal about Tony Stark that made him almost shudder with unbidden pleasure as he thought about pouty red lips that morphed into a devilish smirk and dancing brown eyes that thrummed with energy. The nape of Tony’s neck as he bent over his work desk , the curling tendrils of soft looking hair that fell about his face –

And dammit he was hard.

 He cast a furtive glance around to make sure no one else could see his predicament before making his way to a more shaded and private area where he could weather out his problem discreetly.

The large tree provided a good resting spot as he crouched down and leaned his back against the bark. His thoughts turned sour as his mind strayed to Bucky. That was enough to kill any mood. What was his friend doing now? Was he okay? There was a shot of anger and frustration as he thought about Tony letting him go.

God! His feelings towards Tony Stark were as confusing as the man himself. Sometimes Steve didn’t know whether he wanted to kill him or kiss him but he could honestly say no one riled him up the way Tony did. Not even Peggy…

Steve stifled a curse as he thought about Peggy and her niece Sharon. He and Sharon had been doing an ambiguous dance for the longest time – not quite coming out and declaring themselves steady but not entirely innocent friends either. They hadn’t done a lot – more because he wanted it that way and Sharon understood but now with Tony…

He bit his lip contemplatively. For all he chastised Tony about his flirtatious ways, here he was hypocritically seemingly leading on two people. He needed to make a decision soon.

Steve suddenly felt so weary ,as if his age was finally catching up with him. He hoisted himself up and began his slow walk back to the tower.  

*o.0.o*

Tony was in the middle of debating the pros and cons of various retro themed bars around New York when JARVIS abruptly broke off to alert him to the presence of a visitor to the tower.

“ Sir, it seems that Agent Carter has just entered the building”

“ – Wha?” Tony broke off his babble midstream and frowned. Maybe the agent was here to eviscerate him or something. From his experience with Natasha he knew that lithe women like the agent could smash every bone in his body with ease and he wondered aloud if he should have his suit handy just in case.

“All Agent Carter’s vitals appear stable right now sir” replied JARVIS cautiously.

“Huh…”  A small tendril of dread settled into the pit of Tony’s stomach.

“Hey J” he called, “how far is Steve from here?”

“His cell phone signal indicates he is less than a block away and approaching the tower, sir”

Maybe Steve had called her to break up with her – maybe he already had and they were still friends the way he and Pep were still able to be friends.

 _Or maybe_ , a voice whispered that sounded like _Him_ , _he hasn’t told her anything because he doesn’t want to give up his girlfriend for you…_

The image of _His_ dorm room flashed through his mind.

_It was the first time he had gone to his room uninvited. He really really wanted to use the spare room key. Bretton Hall was lax about having visitors over past curfew on the weekend so maybe they could spend the night together. His heart sped up with excitement as he slipped the key in smartly and turned the lock._

_Pink lace panties …_

“-ir? Sir?” JARVIS called from overhead snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Captain Rogers has arrived at the tower and is currently greeting Agent Carter – shall I pull up surveillance?”

Tony dug his nail into his skin as he said tentatively, “Okay”

The holographic display sprang to life with the live feed from the lobby.

“- eve!” called Sharon breaking into a bright smile as she walked over to the man and hugged him, “ I missed you so much while I was gone”

“Hi Sharon” replied Steve with a small smile as he hesitantly hugged her back, “how was your mission?”

She gave him a soft thump on his shoulder as she pulled away slightly, “ You know I can’t tell you anything” she chastised him, “ but I can say that I definitely missed this”

Tony watched frozen as the blonde woman reached up to cup Steve’s jaw and gently placed her lips on his.

“Stop feed JARVIS” he said quietly as he got up and walked back out his lab and to the elevator.

He suddenly felt like he needed a long nap.

*o.0.o*

Steve abruptly jerked his lips away from Sharon. She seemed momentarily stunned before her face became impassive.

“I – uh- we need to talk Sharon” he said weakly.

She stared at him for an infinitesimal moment before nodding jerkily.

He led her into the building and in silence they travelled the elevator to his floor.

She waited until he had shut the door behind him before asking quietly, “who is she?”

Steve’s head snapped around, “what?”

Sharon gave a brittle little laugh, “Sorry, maybe I should have asked ‘who is he?’ but then we both know who _he_ is, don’t we?”

“Sharon I-” he began hesitantly.

She cut him off.

“Steve we’ve been doing this little dance for months now but do you really think I wouldn’t notice how you feel towards _Tony_ ” she said his name as if it disgusted her.

“I’m sorry Sharon” he whispered.

And he was sorry. Even before he realised it, he had come to a decision. Somehow between Central Park and the tower his mind had strayed towards how best to break the news to Sharon and his heart had stopped in shock upon seeing her in the entryway. It was like the universe was conspiring against him as some sort of joke. His mind skidding to a halt as she had walked over and greeted him with his hands almost reflexively returning the hug she gave him.

But as her lips had touched his, Tony’s face had flashed through his mind and he knew what he was going to do. And so too it seemed, had Sharon.

Sharon sighed wearily and ran a small hand distractedly through her blonde hair. 

“ I know Steve” she said tiredly, “I could tell for a while now. Do you know how much you talk about Tony without realizing?” she arched her eyebrow in faint amusement that died a moment later.

“ I kinda just figured it out myself to be honest” he said wryly.

“And _that_ is why men are idiots” she said sadly, “ I thought the only one I had to compete with was my aunt – which is a bit tough because she’s ninety two but I did it anyway because _look_ at you” she gestured towards him, “ you’re kind, you’re charming, you’re sweet – can you blame a girl?”

“ I wanted us to work out too – I really did” said Steve quietly, “you’re everything a guy could want Sharon – you’re everything I ever wanted”

“Wanted being the key term” she finished, picking up on the unsaid subtext.

He nodded.

In theory Sharon and he were perfect. They liked the same stuff  like 1940s music and baseball and she could as easily disarm a criminal as she could open a bottle pasta sauce when they made dinner together… theoretically Sharon was supposed to be his shot at forever. He swallowed hard as he fought off the urge to cry. Maybe this was a big mistake maybe he would regret this someday but -

But Tony.

If it was one thing he learnt from waking up after the ice was that even the best plans sucked sometimes and if he was going to regret later – it was better to regret going with what his instincts told him instead of his brain.

Sharon huffed out a breath. “I won’t say I’m happy for the both of you or that I wish you the best – that’s a load of horseshit. I also honestly think Stark is going to cheat on you given his track record but,” she paused, “ I also don’t want to leave on irreparable terms. Maybe if you still want it we can be good friends like we were before things got weird” she stuck out her hand defiantly and Steve’s lips twitched as he took it and shook it. Sharon was  one heck of a lady. Who could do so much better than him.

 

Long after Sharon quietly let herself out, he sat before the windows staring out at the city just collecting his thoughts and beneath his conflict and confusion there was simply longing. Longing to see brown eyes that shone like stars at the centre of the universe and smell the lingering faint scent of metal and motor oil under crisp masculine cologne that was no doubt as equally expensive as it was unpronounceable. Steve chuckled softly to himself. Tony. _His Tony_ , he thought with a surge of possessiveness and affection.

He really needed to see him.


	13. The Offspring - Self Esteem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of chapter 13 (look out for part 2 by Sunday)  
> The Avengers are strange creatures ...
> 
> This needs to be in 2 parts because well (I owe you guys) and also because it's the catalyst for future events.  
> Some stuff gets revealed but there are still more bombs to drop 
> 
> As for the lateness - I wanted to post both chapters today but it was a public holiday here so my time was divided between helping my mom with a catering job and helping my aunt with church stuff (I'm weak to the demands of women in authority ROFL )  
> Oh yeah this, like all my chapters haven't been spellchecked or anything (I have no Beta~!) so please forgive any mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've got your ball  
> you've got your chain  
> tied to me tight tie me up again  
> who's got their claws  
> in you my friend  
> Into your heart I'll beat again  
> Sweet like candy to my soul  
> Sweet you rock  
> and sweet you roll  
> Lost for you I'm so lost for you  
> You come crash into me  
> And I come into you  
> I come into you  
> In a boys dream

Steve finally relented and headed to the elevator and got into the car when it arrived, pressing the number to Tony’s floor. However, though the doors closed, the car did not budge.

“JARVIS?” Steve called skyward while instantly positioning himself into a defensive stance.

“Yes Captain Rogers?” came the prompt response.

“Uhh I think something is wrong with the elevator” replied Steve relaxing fractionally.

“Actually that was me sir. Please excuse me but I wondered if I might have a moment of your time before I took you to Sir’s floor” while posed as a question, the AI somehow conveyed to Steve that having the conversation was not optional.

“Sure” replied the soldier cautiously.

“Might I ask what you intend to say to Sir when you go to his floor, Captain?”

“Why do you ask?” Because honestly this sort of behaviour from the computer was _very_ , very unusual. Steve’s mind was thrumming with possibilities and his breath hitched as he wondered if HYDRA had gotten into the computer.

“At the moment Sir is resting, so unless the conversation is very important and not of an unpleasant nature, I would advise you to try at a later time”

The breath he had been holding released.

“I just wanted to see him actually” he smiled warmly up at the top of the car, his habit whenever he addressed the computer, “but I suppose I can come back if he’s sleeping – he doesn’t do enough of it”

The button lit up and he felt the slight jolt as the elevator began its ascent.

“I’m sure sir would not mind his rest disturbed especially if it’s by you sir. I would hope however that you appreciate the significance of this” the AI concluded enigmatically as the doors slid open onto Tony’s floor.

As he walked into the room he heard the bedroom door open and a moment later Tony appeared looking a bit worn but not as if he had just been woken up.

Something was off.

“Hey Steve” came Tony’s voice but its lightness seemed forced.

“Is something wrong Tony?” asked Steve immediately as he walked over to the other man who stiffened almost imperceptibly as he drew nearer before forcing himself to relax.

Something was _definitely_ wrong.

*o.0.o*

The worst nightmares are the ones that trap you with your eyes open. The living nightmares. Curled up in the softest sheets of his bed Tony could draw no comfort as his mind played and replayed the kiss between Agent Carter and Steve. One of the curses of being a genius was a tendency to recall with extreme clarity and detail. This was why the blurriness inducing nature of alcohol was so tempting. It was exhilarating how cool amber could make the world fuzzy and make his mind hazy.

But like always, the worst of his memories always happened when he was perfectly sober and stuck around despite his efforts to drown himself in a bottle.

Rhodey was one of the first people Tony had befriended at the boarding school Howard had shipped him off to when he was twelve. He was the youngest student at the school aimed at prepping the elite class for all it needed to know about taking the next step towards world domination aka college. As _the_ lone black student as well as being a scholarship student (which the obnoxious fucks referred to as ‘charity case’) Rhodey was equally as isolated but it wasn’t until one lunchtime when a jackass by the name of Mitch was harassing Tony ( grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and dangling him above the ground) and Rhodey had stepped in and sorted out the problem (punched three guys down in 5 seconds flat) that they became friends.

For Tony it was sort of like love at first sight. Not romantic love but something he only felt strongly for Jarvis and then Maria and also Elena the cook who made his favourite desert who laughed at his lame jokes and sighed fondly at his declarations that he’d marry her to keep her cooking all to himself… 

_“You know you look like the kind of guy whose always writing checks his ass can’t cash” the handsome black youth had said as he lazily stared down at the Tony pile on the floor._

_Fixing his collar, Tony had gotten to his feet and said unperturbedly, “ No Stark check has ever bounced, but what’s it to you?”_

_“I somehow see myself regretting this decision in the future”_

_For the first year of boarding school it had been him and Rhodey against the world and Rhodey got his first grey hair that year._

_Surprisingly Rhodey was a very calm person who rarely ever lost his temper or got mad (because Tony tried for days on end to piss him off and all he got was the stare of extreme irritation). However the entire school realised that the quickest way to earn a ‘Rhodes Scholarship’ as they had nicknamed a Rhodey smackdown was to mess with Tony. Nobody was to mess with Tony. Ever._

_The upside was that Tony could strut about the campus confident in his safety. The downside was that it was pretty lonely sometimes – especially when Rhodey got accepted into the internship program and his presence became more infrequent as he struggled to meet the demands of school and the program._

_Then He came. Kicked out of his third boarding school – he blew into their school like a whirlwind quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with as he conquered Bretton Hall in a matter of days._

_The attraction for Tony had been instantaneous and He made it quite clear the feeling was mutual._

_He was smart. He was funny. He was dangerous – he was Tony’s instant kryptonite._

_And He was the best at breaking Tony’s heart over and over._

_“Come on Stardust” He grinned at Tony while in the background the girl scrambled to grab her clothes and the pink underwear …_

_“ It doesn’t mean anything. You know that right?” and his blue eyes had shone so clearly that Tony found himself nodding ‘yes’._

_And though He had promised that that was the last time, it happened again. And again. And Tony grew to accept it. A necessary evil. Because he honestly couldn’t answer when He asked irritatedly, “ What else can we have?”_

“Sir? Sir?” JARVIS called worriedly from overhead.

“Yeah buddy?” he rasped out.

“While your vital signs are stable, your behaviour is contrary to your usual reactions, should I call Dr Banner?”

Tony chuckled, “Aww honey, you really do care”

“Yes, I do” came the calm and completely unexpected response.

“I-”. Tony was surprised. JARVIS’ reply was so sincere that he was speechless. He knew his AI was capable of learning but such a clear declaration of feeling especially for him really had him at a loss.

He knew that JARVIS was well accustomed to irritation and maybe even fond exasperation but he was never really a touchy feely kind of program anyway …

“You’re the best J” said Tony soberly.

“I know” replied the AI smugly.

Yup, that was more like his buddy.

 

Though he knew it was simply to distract himself, Tony launched into reminiscing about how he had created JARVIS.

The AI frequently interrupted with his own dry observations, prompting Tony to instantly defend himself and be thoroughly side-tracked.

“- is why you would never go total Skynet – you were programmed by the greatest inventor of all time and as such are a genius yourself leading to the appreciation of human life despite its innate flaws” Tony said sanctimoniously.

“I do appreciate your selflessness in showing me so many of these flaws first hand sir – truly the world will never know the sacrifice you make for its sake – unless one deigns to use the internet – then one might have a fairly good idea-”

“Hey! J you’re being mean to me – I didn’t code you to be mean to me – no fair!”

“You coded me to be learning and adaptive – I am simply a product of my environment sir”

“Yes, yes – you’re perfect as you are baby” Tony sighed in mock defeat.

“I hate to interrupt this scintillating conversation sir, but Captain Rogers is trying to gain access to this floor. Shall I allow him up?”

Tony squirmed. He played with the edge of the blanket as he curled in a bit tighter. Steve was not Him. He probably wouldn’t try to hurt him intentionally the way He had… The least Tony could do was hear the soldier out…

Tony shook his head to clear his mind of the residue left over from those memories. He was not a naïve teenager anymore. He would never end up in the situation he had back then. If worst came to worst – well it wasn’t like his life experiences hadn’t taught him how to roll with the punches.

He strolled out to meet the soldier. His armour was on strong.

*o.0.o*

“Nothing’s wrong Steve” Tony smiled again but once more it seemed off.

“So,” the inventor asked, “ what can I do for you?”

“I came to tell you about Sharon” Tony stilled for a second and Steve saw a flash of what looked like resignation in his eyes which was gone a moment later as the man smirked at him.

“I take it you’ve decided to call off our little liaison? He asked lightly.

“No I-” he began

Tony laughed, “ what you want us both? Does this make me the mistress?” he asked thoughtfully.

“I came to tell you I ended it with her Tony” Steve interrupted gently.

“Oh” Tony seemed nonplussed. Which only confused Steve more. Did Tony really think Steve would do that to him?

Tony quirked his eyebrow and shot him an enigmatic half smile, “ So I’m not gonna be the other woman? I’m almost disappointed – you do realise you could have literally had the best of both world right? Hell I wouldn’t have blamed you for trying”

“Believe me, I couldn’t handle it. And you’re more than enough” Steve said and surprised himself at how much of his honest feeling leaked into the statement that he had intended to be a light one.

Tony smiled his first honest smile then – the teasing smirk that lit up his brown eyes as he drew closer to Steve and reached out to touch him.

“Lines like that will get you everywhere with me soldier” he grinned as he reached up to let their lips meet.

 

 

“You two are fucking aren’t you?” Clint asked bluntly as the team had breakfast together.

Tasha had returned from a mission in the early hours of the morning and had met Bruce, Sam and Clint zombie eyed while arguing about the merits of the Star Trek reboot which Clint had taken a personal affront to due to the presence of Chris Pine. Somehow it had all snowballed into a 5 am breakfast.

When JARVIS had announced it to Tony and Steve as they sat side by side on the couch on Tony’s floor, the soldier had shrugged and had proceeded to tug the whining inventor up.

“But Mom,” Tony protested, “ I don’t _like_ breakfast!” He made grabby hands at his Starkpad he had been working out some new ideas on while snuggled into the comforting heat of the blonde.

Steve yanked him forward and he stumbled into the other man.

“Oof!” 

Tony was winded from contact with a wall of toned muscle, which, now that he thought about it, wasn’t the worst thing to be in contact with.

He let his arms slither up Steve’s chest and felt the hitch of the other man’s breath right before two strong arms wrapped around him, fastening him securely.

“ Now ask yourself soldier, is breakfast really what you want me to be putting in my mouth right now?” he purred and felt gratified as a shudder ran through Steve’s body and his arms drew him in tighter.

Tony’s hand clasped behind Steve’s neck and he turned his head to send a tantalising and exploratory tongue along the flesh below his ear.

Steve turned and pink lips viciously assaulted his own. Experience be damned – the virgin knew how to use those lips like a pro. They battled for dominance as Tony slipped his tongue into Steve mouth and traced and flicked the ridge of his palate as far as his tongue could reach (which was very far because he was gifted that way). Steve moaned and broke away to suck gently along Tony’s jawline while his hands trailed lower and caressed Tony’s ass lightly then more firmly as Tony arched into his ministrations.

“Sir, shall I decline the breakfast invitation then?” came the voice of Tony’s beloved but decidedly cockblocking AI.

Steve seemed to snap out of his lust filled haze though his pupils remained dilated and his breath was still uneven.

He shook his head trying to clear his mind, “we should - ah go Tony,” he started.

“We really shouldn’t” whined Tony straining to reclaim Steve’s lips.

But reluctantly Steve drew away from him and put a slightly restraining hand on his shoulder, “The others are waiting” he smiled down at him regretfully.

With a huff of defeat Tony allowed himself to be dragged to the elevator his lips pursed ad his mood petulant.

He made up for it by allowing himself some decidedly _nonfriendly_ touches on the elevator ride that had Steve turning bright red as they disembarked which put him in a _much better_ mood to face the rest of the team.

 

Natasha eyed them suspiciously as they sat down and started on their pancakes but Clint waited until Steve was taking a sip of his juice to make his accusation making the soldier choke and turn tomato red.

Tony watched his ( _boyfriend?)_ choke while he sat back and simply arched an eyebrow at the archer.

“So are you?” asked Sam with interest. Bruce hid a smile.

“What do you think?” asked Tony. He would neither confirm nor deny anything unless Steve wanted to.

“I think I just won fifty bucks” said Clint smugly.

“You’re betting?” gasped Steve as his airway finally cleared.

“We bet on everything” said Natasha bluntly like she was explaining the obvious.

“We haven’t had sex!” exclaimed Steve turning red to his ears which made Tony strongly resist the urge to lean over and place a gentle nip on them.

“Somehow I hear a ‘yet’ in that statement” said Sam.

“…Maybe” said Steve with a brief glance to Tony and the hint of a shy smile.

“Ha! I knew it!” exclaimed Clint exultantly, punching the air.

“Hold up Clint” interjected Sam, “ I believe your bet was that they had sex – Natasha and I bet that they got together but hadn’t done it yet – pay up sucker”

Clint looked as though someone had just told him Christmas had been cancelled as he reluctantly handed over the money to the pair of outstretched hands.

Natasha turned and shot Bruce a look and with a sigh the scientist dug out his wallet and handed over his money too.

“You too?” asked Tony with mild surprise.

“I bet you guys weren’t gonna get together for another week at least” Bruce said with a half apologetic, half disgruntled look.  Steve buried his face in his hands.

Tony stifled a chuckle of amusement.

“I’m surrounded by crazy people” muttered Steve into his palm.

“But you love us” sang Clint batting his eyes at the blond.

Tony finally burst out into uncontrollable laughter, torn between genuine amusement and disbelieving hysteria. Really – only his teammates would react to a potentially life changing revelation with unrepentant wagering. He felt a rush of affection for them as he gasped for air and caught Natasha’s eye as she looked at him with definite _fondness_.

 

Something brushed the back of his hand he was propping himself up with and Steve’s hand gently stroked his skin before giving it a light squeeze.

He glanced up and saw the warmth and definite _pride_ in the other man’s eyes and his own heart swelled, making him smirk back.

The retching noise across from him had him looking back to a mock nauseated Clint and Sam.

“Keep making googly eyes at each other and I’ll stop having my meals here” the archer threatened sternly.

“Still waiting for the downside in this situation” shot back Tony and his immaturity prompted him to stick his tongue out at the other man and wiggle it.

“BRUCE CONTROL YOUR FRIEND!” choked Clint, his face morphed into abject horror.

“Ask Steve!”

“His brain and judgement are clearly compromised at the moment!”

“Tony, would you stop acting like your mental age?”

“No”

“I tried Clint” Bruce sipped his tea calmly.

 

 

The Avengers would not be the Avengers if they did not take any opportunity to extract extreme entertainment out of any situation. After breakfast they had all parted ways with Tony returning somewhat reluctantly to his lab to work on some ideas he had tossing around concerning Victor’s Doombots.

Hours later he was informed that the rest of the team were demanding his presence for lunch.

“Didn’t we just have that J?”

“I believe the meal you partly ingested is more commonly referred to as ‘breakfast’ sir”

“But why do they need me now – I’m close to making a breakthrough here!”

“ Because the meal that most normal humans consume after breakfast is called ‘lunch’ sir”

“Less attitude from you!” Tony pointed a stern finger skyward.

“I would never, sir” Tony distinctly got the impression that if he could, JARVIS would be rolling his eyes at the moment.

Before he could say another word, JARVIS saved and locked down the project while simultaneously sliding the glass doors open in a not-so-subtle hint to his creator to get his ass moving.

The first thing Tony noticed was that there was elevator music. There was fucking cheesy elevator music something Tony strongly protested against. It was Diana Ross – Tony suspected either Clint or Natasha. JARVIS pointedly chose not to respond to Tony.

The second strange thing was a doorway where he didn’t remember building one.

“Okay J, seriously have I entered the Twilight Zone or something?”

“You too, huh?” Tony whirled to see a decidedly bemused Steve staring at him.

“You know what’s going on?” Tony asked.

“I have a many theories but I’m as lost as you” sighed Steve.

“So I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that going through the creepy doorway is a bad idea” said Tony with a gesture towards the plain brown wood.

“Wouldn’t JARVIS warn us if it was dangerous?” asked Steve.

“I have good reason to suspect my AI has been compromised” said Tony darkly with a glare skyward.

Steve sighed again. “Well there’s only one way to find out”

He hesitantly opened the door. Only to be confronted by a hollow space and another doorway.

Tony groaned.

“It doesn’t look dangerous- I think it’s open” Steve said turning the knob.

“Uh Cap-”

Steve opened the door before Tony could warn him only to be greeted by a loud cheer and a shower of confetti.

Tony followed Steve into the kitchen resignedly.

“Ha! Cap came out of the closet first!”

“Congratulations” Bruce smirked.

The kitchen was colourful and artistically designed in a rainbow theme.

“Really guys?” Steve quirked his eyebrows at the team.

“I’m sorry Captain but they were all decidedly set on the theme” Agent Coulson was perched on the counter next to the sink.

“Hey Agent! Didn’t see you there”, leered Tony at the SHEILD handler whose face got decidedly stiffer as he turned to look at him.

“Stark”

“Don’t mind him,” laughed Tasha, “he’s just mad someone is gonna defile our resident sacred maiden”

Steve spluttered.

Tony grinned with pleasure as an eye tic appeared on Agent’s face.


	14. The Fugees - Ready or Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part B of Chapter 13 :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short and to the point (not quite the big reveal but something looms in the horizon)

It was a week after the ‘coming out lunch’ and there was definitely some hot make out sessions, heated fondling and all round canoodling that left Tony half way aroused twenty four seven. He was climbing the walls with frustration. Steve was a walking sin who, while claiming to be inexperienced in the sex department seemed extremely versed in the seduction (read ‘teasing’) department. Tony was hoping for a mission to work off some of the built up tension. Or he was going to blow up something to get the edge off. Something big. Very big.

 

A knock on the glass of his lab had him looking into the face of the man who was the source of his troubles.

“Hey” breathed Steve with a smile as he entered and drew closer to Tony.

Tony found himself smiling like an idiot back. “Hey yourself”

“So” started Steve with a sideways glance, “ while I appreciate the party the rest of the team threw for us, we’ve never actually gone anywhere together since – _y’know_ – getting together”

“Oh?” said Tony innocently. “And what should we do about that?”

Steve made a show of thinking deeply before saying seriously, “I think you let me take you out tonight”

“Oh really? And why should I let you oh Captain my Captain?”

“Because I asked first” Steve deadpanned causing Tony to outright laugh.

“You know I’ve never been wined and dined before” Tony shrugged, “ usually it’s the other way around – one question though – am I expected to put out when the evening is over?”

“Only if you _really_ want to” said Steve with mock seriousness, “no pressure”

Tony laughed, “I’m a classy slut Steve so you better show me a hell of a lot of appreciation”

“I intend to” said Steve with that quiet sincerity only Steve Rogers could pull off without making it all sound like bullshit.

 

Steve had chosen a small family run restaurant tucked away behind large imposing buildings. Tony was dressed casually as Steve dictated in a light blue shirt under a leather jacket paired with a snug fitting pair of dark coloured jeans. JARVIS, perhaps in an attempt to make up for his earlier defection to the Rainbow Connection, had assured him that his butt looked good in it. One never could be too certain when on a date with human perfection.  

He met Steve in the lobby and had to pinch himself as the man turned around. He wore a tight bark blue shirt that hugged his muscles and some loose dark slacks and Tony swallowed audibly as he surveyed the other man, taking in the way his blonde hair stood out like a halo against the soft light of the lobby and glittering blue eyes encased in long soft looking eyelashes. Jesus! This virgin was going to be the death of him.

Steve proffered his arm and Tony automatically took it with the taller guy enclosing his fingers with his other hand. The simple, naturalness of the gesture gave Tony a giddy feeling. The shy proud smile as Steve glanced down sideways at him as he led them outside to the waiting car cemented the sensation.

As a billionaire, he was accustomed to people opening doors for him and escorting him places but Steve opening the car door of the cab that night made him feel like Steve was treasuring him and Tony felt touched.

The restaurant had a timeless feel. It was both casual and intimate with soft , low lights and dark furnishings.

“Good night Steve” greeted the young lady pleasantly at the entryway.

“Hey Karen” smiled Steve, “I’ve got a reservation for two tonight?”

Tony saw her eyes flicker to him for a second and flashed her his trademark grin that disarmed most people. She smiled back and said, “ right this way”

She led them to a secluded spot in the back next to large bronzed glass windows that gave them an air of privacy and intimacy with its dark upholstery but still allowed them to view the rest of the restaurant as well as the darkened streets outside.

“Caleb is your waiter, he’ll be with you shortly” she said with a final smile before walking away.

Tony released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“So” said Steve casually

“So?” asked Tony equally.

“I think this is where we start talking”

“Pick the topic – please don’t start on the weather” blurted out Tony.

“So how bout them Yankees?” joked Steve and Tony groaned before starting to laugh. Steve joined in and miraculously the ice was broken.

“If it makes you feel any better I could always buy them out for you” offered Tony.

“Then I wouldn’t be able to hate them as wholeheartedly as I do now, so no thanks” Steve replied drily with a shake of his head.

“So you watched any good movies lately?” asked Steve.

Tony pondered, “Not really. I saw this horrible scifi the other day though – complete crap – it practically ripped off every science fiction movie for the last couple of decades”

And that was all Tony needed to launch into a full out exposition on the merits of science fiction movies which led to him being side-tracked into explaining what a flux capacitor was and they were just getting into some of the theories concerning time continuum when their waiter Caleb arrived.

“Good evening, gentlemen” They looked up and saw a smiling youth about twenty two or so. He wore skinny jeans instead of the slacks the other waiters wore and his hair was tinged with pink which Tony thought went quite well with his dark mascara.

His high pitched voice asked, “are you guys ready to order yet?”

“Uhh we haven’t actually … looked at the menus” said Steve apologetically as he hurriedly opened the menu.

Tony took charge of the situation, “perhaps we could start with some drinks, I’ll have Manhattan, Steve?” his date nodded in agreement, “then two Manhattans, what’s good tonight?”

Caleb was a good salesman. By the end of his pitch Tony was half convinced he wanted to try everything on the menu and Steve settled the debate by saying they’d try it all to both their surprise.

“Where are we going to put all that food?” accused Tony.

Steve shrugged, “Super soldier metabolism”

While they chatted and waited for their drinks to arrive, they took in the other guests. Here and there they say the not-so-subtle nudges of other patrons as they caught sight of them. For the most part the other guests were being good sports and besides a slight wave every now and then, allowed them to carry on without interruption.

“ … is a bit low scale huh?” a not so quiet voice broke into hum of the restaurant as party of five of so came in.

It was evident it was a family – the nose was clearly genetic. Probably one of the two kids having the family out for dinner it looked like.

Tony turned away in disinterest and started Steve up on his cultural studies. He debated the merits of some of the books Steve was reading (because movies had been made of them and if not _clearly_ they weren’t that important).

“Good Lord there’s another one!” the woman’s voice from the family cut through the noise again.

“Mom!” one of the young men hissed in embarrassment.

“It is not right Jake!”

Tony cut off his explanation of the South Park take on _Catcher in the Rye_ to look over at the other table that was drawing the attention and ire of the rest of the diners.

“For fuck’s sake mom, will you give it a rest for one damn night!” growled the other son.

“You will not speak to your mother like that!” snapped the other man.

 

Their view of the family was broken by the arrival of Caleb with their drinks.

“Here you guys go. The food will be a bit longer” Caleb said with a smile.

“Well we did order everything” said Tony.

Caleb laughed, “ it’ll be great I promise y-”

“Swear there are faggots everywhere in New York!”

Caleb stiffened but continued on, “the meal will be arriving shortly. Let me know if there’s anything else you both need”

Before Tony and a tight knuckled Steve could thank him there was a bang at the table that drew all their attention.

“Mom stop it!”

Tony sighed and saw his supposedly romantic evening fly away. He pushed back his chair and walked over to the table before Steve could say anything.

“Hey is there a problem here?”

The auburn haired woman glanced up and he saw the recognition settle in on her. Her eyes trailed back to his table and widened a bit as she recognized Steve as well.

“You’re Tony Stark” one of the sons breathed while his brother instantly whipped out his phone which seemed to be the cue for everyone else who was being way more covert in their picture taking.

Clearly the matriarch could not hear Tony’s warning tone as she continued, “ We didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner with your teammate Mr Stark. I was just having words with my sons about the _quality_ of service they have at this restaurant” she sniffed and fished out a handkerchief as if the air was polluted.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your dinner Mr Stark” one of the clearly exhausted sons apologized. He looked to be older than his brother as his jet black hair, so like his sibling’s was betraying some white at the temples and he had more creases along his forehead which he rubbed wearily as he looked up at Tony.

Tony felt Steve coming up behind him at grinned at the diners, “ No problem at all” he assured them before turning to the woman, “but I have to disagree on the quality of service, Caleb for instance has been excellent so far” he waved his hand at his waiter who was trying to make himself a bit inconspicuous while observing the situation.

The woman opened her mouth and Tony cut her off by turning to the restaurant and addressing them, “we’re all having a great night aren’t we guys?” there were cheers and applause in response and a hand rested on the small of Tony’s back drawing snaps of pictures and some whispering.

Oh yeah – it was time to raise hell.

“Weren’t you having a great time, dear?” he asked Steve innocently.

He saw the devilish flicker before Steve looked down and said, “the best babe”

And Steve leaned down and kissed him.

And there was uproar.

He broke their chaste kiss to murmur in Steve’s ear, “Congratulations, you just broke the internet, Captain”

Steve laughed and hugged him.

 

*************************************************************************************

**The Russian businessmen were enjoying the entertainment provided in his establishment as they fondled the lithe supple bodies writhing around them.**

**Before him, twin sisters caressed each other, trailing fingers suggestively as one tilted her head and sucked gently at the neck of her sibling eliciting a soft moan.**

**She broke away to send him a questioning glance to which he waved his hand dismissively.**

**She slid a palm under her little sister’s top while the other played with the buttons and teased them open slowly revealing inch by tantalizing inch of sun kissed clear skin.**

**He was bored. So damned bored. There was nothing fun and interesting anymore. Tonight he would secure another contract before going to a room somewhere and fucking the least boring person he saw tonight , maybe he’d have a group.**

**His phone buzzed and he picked it up carelessly, scrolling across his alerts before his finger paused.**

**He frowned.**

**Well well well… wasn’t that interesting.**

**Clearly he had been away from home for too long.**

**He grinned. Perhaps he would pay his little Stardust a visit.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was long enough already but i just wanted to give my characters a break from all the drama *sort of*
> 
> dont worry - I'll be kickin' the angst back into gear soon - does this make me a sadist if I constantly put them through torture in some form or fashion o.0

How they got back to the penthouse of the tower was a bit of a lust filled haze. The moment they had outed themselves at the restaurant Tony had forgotten all about pretences. He wanted Steve something fierce and the look Steve shot him as they beat their retreat made it clear that the feeling was assuredly mutual.

There was a cab ride where they surreptitiously touched each other and stole kisses from each other.

“This dinner doesn’t count – I still get to take you to dinner again” Steve had murmured as he nuzzled Tony neck causing the engineer to groan in pleasure.

“You can take me anywhere as long as you promise you promise I can take you to my room tonight.”

“Yes Sir” Steve had growled into his ear sending an electric shock to his groin.

………….

Steve slammed him to the wall of the elevator and Tony bit his lip to stifle the moan of pleasure as Steve’s body pressed into him and he bucked his hips to increase the tantalising friction.

Steve lifted him clear off the floor sending a thrill to him as he wrapped his legs around the other man’s hips and dove in to latch his lips onto Steve’s as his hands tangled around his neck.

The elevator dinged and smoothly opened onto his floor but Tony barely registered as the soldier slid his large palms down Tony’s back to firmly grip the mounds of flesh and mould them with the deft confidence of a potter eliciting a shudder of anticipation from Tony.

“You soldier are playing a very dangerous game” he murmured as he slid his hand down to grip the solid heat that ached against hollow of his hip. His fingers curled around the outline and he gave it an experimental stroke through the annoying hindrance of the material.

“Yess” hissed Steve causing Tony’s lips to curl.

Tony’s support against the wall of the elevator was suddenly lost as with a hoist, he found himself moving.

A small part of his brain whined at being manhandled like a child but the baser instincts of his mind applauded and revelled in it all.

Steve took them into the living room of his floor steadily never breaking eye contact with Tony.

Tony felt like he was flying and then falling as they collapsed bodily on the grey couch.

“Take these damned clothes off!” he growled, his fingers expertly undoing the buttons of Steve’s shirt revealing creamy pink skin, glowing with a light sheen of sweat.

Steve’s heart was racing and he was panting with effort, bruised cherry lips bitten as Tony snaked his hand into his open shirt to flick a darken pointed nipple. His stiffed midsection jerked at the action.

“How?” he asked in genuine surprise.

Tony grinned, “There’s so much I could teach you”

 Steve’s eyes narrowed, “I believe,” he said with false casualness, “the first lesson was something about too much clothes,” two fingers burrowed into the opening of Tony’s shirt and that was the only warning he had before it was roughly ripped open buttons flying.

“Holy-”

“Language Tony” chided Steve softly as his palms stroked his sides. Steve’s head dropped and he pressed a chaste kiss to the flesh right below the arc reactor.

“Beautiful” he murmured.

 

He felt like the arc had skipped a cycle. This – this was not sex. This was not fucking or fooling around. Steve was making love to him. And it somewhat terrified him.

“Get on you back” he grunted roughly pushing at the other man.

Steve complied at once, his eyes showing his confusion at the sudden authority in Tony’s voice.

He leant back on the couch, his back supported by the cushions and armrest.

The glow from the arc reactor illuminated Steve’s face like some ethereal warrior – his avenging angel or such. Who was going to be thoroughly debauched if Tony had his say.

He undid the belt without breaking eye contact, the faint clinking of metal the only sound in the silent room.

Undoing the button, he slid two fingers into the waist to pants to free more space as he carefully slid the zipper down.

Steve hissed as he opened his fly. The heat rolling out was all the indication Tony needed of how close he was.

A virgin had no control but if he was going to pop that cherry, he was damn well going to make it the most memorable explosion possible.

Roughly he grabbed the sides of Steve’s pants and briefs. Taking one second to bend forward and bury his nose into the intoxicating scent, he briefly caressed Steve with his nose before lifting up and tugging the last annoying barrier of clothing off completely.

The moist tip glistened in the faint light. His dick arched to the ceiling and Tony licked his lips in anticipation.

He fanned it with his breath and Steve body jerked, “Don’t that’s dirty!” he stuttered and Tony chuckled at how truly innocent his soldier was sometimes.

“You could never be dirty Steve” he said back and buried the laughter of quoting something straight out of those god awful romance novels Pep used to be obsessed with.

With no forewarning he took him into his mouth. This was less about finesse and more about raw pleasure so with nothing more than a brief caress of Steve’s slit with the tip of his tongue, he made his body comfortable and relaxed his throat in preparation.

Steve was whining already, his hips lifted off the cushions in a frozen buck, fingers gripped into the fabric of the furniture.

Tony withdrew to look up at Steve momentarily, “ Don’t bother to hold back on me” and with that he took the plunge and allowed his tongue to serve as the rough guide to the swollen throbbing flesh in his mouth, carrying it deeper because, why yes he _did_ lack a gag reflex.

The member brushed against his soft palate and he hummed a bit before taking one breath and pushing himself further.

He pulled out and surged forward, effectively fucking his mouth on Steve’s dick while his left hand steadied himself by gripping onto Steve’s hip.

His right hand meandered lower and fondled the soft skin of Steve’s balls. He rolled them eliciting a choke from Steve and a hand roughly buried its fingers into his hair.

Steve’s hips were beginning to hump forward on reflex. Animal instinct urging him deeper in wanton desire for gratification. He felt the man coming undone in his hands and it filled him with intoxicating power as he redoubled his efforts.

 

It was time to finish this show so he hummed as he slid his index finger back to the spot on Steve’s perineum while still maintaining his other ministrations.

He felt the pull as he stroked the spot and he knew it was time so he hummed to shove the soldier over.

The warm bitter wetness hit the back of his throat and with some minor difficulties he pulled back to catch it all.

Steve was frozen staring up at the ceiling, mouth open in a silent scream and Tony knew his job was done.

He milked the erection to completion Lapping up every last drop of spent seed greedily before he at last released the other mad with  little slurp and swallowed.

*o.0.o*

It was like coming down from a cloud. His body trembled with every wave as clarity settled in. It felt like the earth’s axis had shifted a bit and finally he summoned the effort to gaze down at the man with him.

Tony’s brown eyes were glossy, his hair tousled form Steve’s own fingers, his pouty lips were slick and as he looked his pink tongue darted and licked a droplet of his come from where it had spilled over.

It roiled the blood in his body and his body was at a war between bonelessness and an overwhelming urge to do it all again.

 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me” breathed Tony cutting across the thrumming silence as his eyes fixed on his once again hardening member.

“Have you never heard of a goddamn refractory period?” he accused Steve.

Steve grinned, “Super soldier”

He tugged the inventor down. The night was still young.

 

*o.0.o*

Tony woke up in increments. His brain woke up first, familiarizing him with where he was as memories of the night / earlier that morning before came back making his lips twitch with deep satisfaction.

They had not gone all the way. It would take a lot of preparation and last night was all about pleasure.

He refused to open his eyes and greet the morning because some part of his brain made the suggestion that maybe it was all a construct of his overactive libido coupled with his imagination. He hated that part of his brain.

His mind flashed back to Steve wrapping his large hands around both their members as they rocked back and traced each other’s skin. If that was the quality of his dreams he had a bright future in softcore porn.

 

“Sir” ah – there was no denying the sound of his chipper little reality checker.

He groaned and burrowed deeper in the sheet.

Sheets?

He shot up in shock to find himself in his bed. He looked around frantically.

His body was a mixture of shock and confusion and he unexpected felt the tendril of anxiety curling in around him.

“Sir? I am detecting elevated heart rate – shall I  call Doctor Banner?” 

Tony shook his head, rubbing a palm down his face to clear his mind and work on his breathing.

“Tony?”

His eyes shot up to see Steve entering with a steaming mug of coffee.

“Hey are you okay?” asked Steve immediately as he came over to sit next to him.

“M’frine”  he mumbled keeping the palm rubbing over his face to hide the obvious mixture of fear and relief Steve would see.

“How bout a cup of coffee?” teased Steve bumping his shoulder playfully.

“Gimme” he made grabby hands towards the steaming cup and Steve laughingly handed it over.

They sat in silence as Tony drank his coffee and his mind tried to wake itself up and form logical thoughts.

Finally he set the cup aside and looked at the other man.

“How did I get here?”

“I took you to bed because I didn’t think your body would appreciate sleeping on the floor in the morning” 

Tony fiddled with his fingers, “So did you sleep here too?”

Steve gave a little laugh that sounded a bit uncertain, “ I hope you don’t mind…” he trailed off.

Tony shook his head furiously, “ course not Steve” he assured the other man, “My bed is always open to you – for whatever reason” he leered playfully.

“Soooo” began Steve, “ are you ready to face the music together?”

“Huh?” asked Tony before catching on, “ oh right – have you checked the news or twitter?”

“I’ve been avoiding all technology that doesn’t involve coffee making to be honest” he shrugged.

Tony wanted to be flippant the way he usually was with a media scandal but this was different – this was Steve – who was still wrapping his head around a new world and was as wholesome as apple pie so dating someone like Tony only made the sexuality thing that much worse but burying his head in the sand would do him no favours at all…

 

“Sir – Ms Potts has informed me that she is on her way and advises that you have clothes on when she arrives”

 

Tony groaned. And so it began.

 

_“I mean – can you believe it? This is nothing more than some publicity stunt by liberal media to promote homosexuality! Our kids-”_

Tony changed the channel as he stifled a snort – really some conservatives were stand-up comedy gold -  there was taking one for the team and _taking_ one  but did people think he would only make out with Captain America for a cause – he’d make out with the man on all days ending  with ‘y’.

“ _…not that I blame Stark – I mean look at the guy  but Stark isn’t known for his fidelity”_

_“-Twitter is still having difficulties and  #StonyIsReal  is the top trending tweet with fans and antifans storming the internet over the leaked video allegedly showing-”_

_“-all those women – talk about overcompensating *laughter* - but really I feel bad for his exes-”_

_“Stark Industries stock has been having a highly active day since trade opened at nine thirty this-”_

“Sir Ms Potts has entered the building”

 

Tony looked up from the television. Steve was in the kitchen making breakfast (he had to go back to his floor to get ingredients first because Tony’s contained little more than coffee, water and alcohol)

The smell of bacon permeating the air as he sat on the couch gave the morning a deceptively domestic feel to it. Like it was all perfectly normal. Which it wasn’t and his CEO was going to burst that little bubble as soon as she stepped through the door in her  very expensive shoes.

He would probably have to buy her more sometime this week.

 

The elevator dinged just as Steve walked into the living room with another cup of coffee and a plate of bacon and eggs with toast.

 

He was having his first sip of coffee as she walked in.

 

“If this didn’t look so adorable I’d drop kick you with my heels right now” 

Tony released the breath he had been holding and looked over to his fondly exasperated ex-girlfriend and still friend.

“Hey Pep” he grinned as Steve, who was perched on the arm chair shot to his feet to greet the redhead.

“Good morning Miss Potts” 

“Hi Steve” her voice was pleasant as she smiled easily at the soldier.

“Would you like some breakfast?” he offered.

“No that won’t be necessary I’m just stopping by to drop off some paperwork and deliver my personal congratulations to the two of you”

Steve rubbed his neck bashfully, “ I hope the news didn’t cause you any problems”

At this Pep burst out laughing.

“Jesus Steve, it’s fine – I’m happy for the both of you and for the business side of it – Stark Industries will be releasing a statement congratulating you later”

“How did the board take it?” asked Tony in a would be light voice.

Pepper turned her attention to him for a second and Tony remembered why he had fallen for her in the first place.

Her eyes were dancing with a light that promised laughter and murder in the same breath, “ They took it like champs” she said firmly.

This meant they were foaming at the mouth but had been whipped into shape  by their CEO.

Ah the days of pissing off the board and forcing them to smile along. Good times.

“Now I expect these papers to be signed and delivered before the end of the week Tony”

“Will that be all Ms Potts?” he drawled falling seamlessly into their old routine with some slight changes.

She hitched her arm on her hip and raised an eyebrow but nevertheless responded to the challenge , “That will be all Mr Stark.”

 

 

After Pepper left the awkward silence filled again. What was it with them and having these lately? Tony was accustomed to leaving his dates in the night to work and having them gone in the morning. The other way around – waking up to an empty bed had disconcerted him.

 Having everyone saying he slept with someone or was dating someone before it was even a sure thing terrified him now.

He turned to look at Steve dressed in a nondescript grey t-shirt and some dark blue sweatpants. Damn he still managed to look downright edible. Damn those legs…

He was sure his brain was thinking something important…

 

“Eyes up here Tony” said Steve in a half bored voice but his mouth twitched.

“Don’t I get staring rights? I mean after last night shouldn’t I be allowed to look all I want” quizzed Tony.

“Nope”

“Too bad, I’m doing it anyway”

 

 

Statements – the media always demanded a statement. If he pissed to the west instead of the east they would call for a statement. If he painted the suit a new color they would demand a statement but quite frankly he could not give a flying fuck if they were demanding one about the state of his relationship with Steve.

They would wait.

 

As he watched the media coverage of Pepper stringing up rainbow banners across the corporate hallways of Stark International downstairs with Steve and smothered his laughter while explaining the reason to the bemused soldier JARVIS announced the arrival of Nick Fury.

 

“Stark, Captain” greeted Fury.

“Nicky” drawled Tony just to get that familiar tic going.

“Will your relationship be a complication to the Avengers?” Tony appreciated Nicky not beating round the bush.

“Don’t think so – if he uses up all the hot water I might deface his shiny shield but other than that I don’t believe it will” Tony deadpanned.

“People like the shield”

“I like hot showers”

 

“Director Fury – I don’t believe our relationship will be a problem” said Steve shooting a look at Tony that warned his to behave.

 

“But what about after the relationship?”  said Fury.

“Got a pool going on how quickly we crash and burn?” sneered Tony.

And Nick did have the grace to look very slightly apologetic.

“You know we have to plan for everything.”

“Nicky as touching as it is that you care about my emotional wellbeing – the thought about you thinking about my bedroom activities just might permanently scar me” Tony said seriously.

“What Tony means to say” said Steve putting out a restraining hand on him, “ is that we don’t think we will be a problem for the team. We’ve proven that we can put the team before our own differences”

Nick sighed, “I hope for all our sakes I can hold you to that”

“And I hope for everyone’s sake you can remember that some things aren’t any of your damn business sometimes Fury” snapped Tony. He had just about had enough of all the public speculation and interest and despite just getting up he was already feeling exhausted … and slightly freaked out. He stood up abruptly and walked towards his bedroom.

Steve would show the spy out.

 

**Coming back to America after so long was a bit anti-climactic.  Europe had served as his place of exile for so long that he felt out of touch with his homeland.  The Cessna touched down on the private runway belonging to his potential business associate.**

**He thought of all the fun plans he could make for the near future to shake the world up as the car pulled out to the conclave meeting. It was time for the wind of change to blow and the scent of revenge was in the air.**

Steve made his way to the bedroom to check on his boyfriend. His mind still reeled at the thought – boyfriend?

His mother would have had a fit maybe if she knew. But this was a world she might never have been able to conceive – he knew he couldn’t.

He entered the room silently and took in the shape bundled in the warm comforter.

Only the tousled brown hair tinted by the odd grey hair peeked out at him.

The term cradle robber struck him but he honestly could not really figure out who was cradle robbing whom. Anyone in his age-range was either dead or in a retirement home where as anyone around the age of his appearance seemed to scream at his senses at their youth.

Tony – God! He knew his father before Tony was even a gleam in his eye. He ran his hands through his hair messing its usually neat style up as he pulled out his phone for a second before catching himself.

He had done that before – absentmindedly taken out his phone to scroll through to find Dugan’s number or checked to see if Bucky had called or – he sighed. It always felt like yesterday.

If the guys were alive he wondered if they’d call to heckle him. He could almost see Bucky leaning over and whispering drily, “I never took you for the type to like grandstands”

 

The figure on the bed shifted and Tony’s chocolate brown eyes peeked over his cover observing him quietly.

“There’s room for one more” he said and untangled the sheet to lift it up.

Steve let his legs lead him over to the bed and allowed his body to be dragged into the clean cotton scented haven where strong calloused hands wrapped around him and a smaller body snuggled up to his back both giving and asking for protection.

 


	16. Wicked Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this was supposed to be longer ... and I was supposed to be taller (but my sister got the gene *curses!!!*   
> but anyway, between stressing out about starting my thesis *I havent* and being super excited about HillsHollow's ideas and my lil' sis returning home ... well I've been super procrastinating . 
> 
> I have to give kudos to jkbat - you my fine mystery gang extraordinaire figured out my hints :) heheheh

The first inkling they had was the return of Thor. The blonde Asgardian (or Aesir as he told them because PC was important) arrived in a clap of thunder and a streak of lightning that made insuring Avengers Tower a nightmare as ‘acts of god’ suddenly had new dimensions as weaselly pencil pushers were keen to point out.

Unfortunately Tony and Steve were out at a press conference to deal with the announcement of their relationship. Tony had surrendered to the inevitable after a week because protesters and civil rights groups had chosen to converge on the outside of the tower and somehow it had all spiralled from there into a minor riot which called for a combined effort between armed SI guards and riot gear wearing police.

Steve had taken it all in with a dazed expression – from the insults hurled on air to the vandalizing of the tower’s entryway. Tony could see it was bothering him but he did his best to persuade him not to go out to the rabble.

Natasha had sat them both down and had supported his call.

“Look Steve- you go out there and this situation is going to reach critical and more people are going to get hurt”

“I think if I just spoke to them-”

“It’s past speaking to them. If you want to diffuse the situation then do it in a controlled environment” she said calmly.

Tony rubbed his brow,” call a press conference”

She nodded and left silently.

So there they were on that bright Tuesday morning waiting for their cue to make a statement.

Tony felt the tension rolling off of Steve. He was a whipcord waiting for release as he drew nearer to the broad back of the man he cared for. He rested a light hand on his shoulder.

“Hey” he said quietly.

Steve spun as if started before relaxing when he saw Tony.

“Hey” he breathed back.

“I can handle these assclowns if you want”

“Tony” admonished Steve gently as he drew nearer his tension draining with their closeness.

“I’m just saying”

“We’ll handle it like we handle all bad situations – together” he said firmly as he carded his hand through Tony’s hair and the shorter man closed his eyes, drawing strength from the motion.

“Sir” the SI PR employee was signalling their cue.

Tony exhaled, “Let’s get this show on the road”

 

 

* * *

 

The flashing lights signalled the start of a dance he knew intimately. Steve was at his side which made for a pleasant change.

“Mr Stark! Mr Stark!” ah there were his little harpies…

“Hey guys” he smirked at them as he sat down at the table provided and wondered if his water glass had vodka in it.

“Good day ladies and gentlemen of the press” Steve began seriously .

 

“Mr Stark” one female reported shot up; she was a pretty brunette with a no nonsense face and Tony wondered absentmindedly if he had ever slept with her before.

“Yes?”

“ Candice Jennings, Channel 23 News” she began quickly, “ why haven’t the two of you come forth to address the issue earlier?”

“The issue?” quizzed Tony with an arched brow. The reporter opened her mouth but he refused to give up the advantage she had provided.

“Let’s think about it for a second folks – what is the issue at hand? Whether Captain Rogers and I remain committed to protecting the freedom and ideals of this great nation? Whether we’re still willing to lay our lives down on the line daily to keep others safe? Or whether we’re” he paused for dramatic effect before sneering, “knocking boots?”

Some of the reporters shifted uncomfortably but another shot up to take up the charge, “ Mr Stark the issue is why the situation in front of Avengers Tower to escalate to such a degree?” his blue eyes bored into them unflinchingly.

Steve sighed, “ The situation in front of the tower escalated beyond anyone’s prediction. However – as a strictly civilian matter, it fell within the jurisdiction of the local law enforcement – Avenger involvement would be overstepping our boundaries”

“New York Post” a balding man stood up , adjusting his glasses as he squinted up, “ So are the two of you in a relationship?” he asked mildly and Tony was reminded of Phil for a moment.

Steve leant forward his face set in his ‘off to face the bullies’ look as he leant forward and said resolutely, “Yes, we are”

The room erupted and Tony sighed. Trust Steve to be straightforward.

“Christine Everhart, Vanity Fair” said the blonde at the back and Tony suppressed a groan.

“What about the Avengers – Tony Stark is not known for his fidelity how will the team be affected when he cheats on you?”  she asked innocently.

“Who let her in” Tony grumbled under his breath and Steve made a shushing sound.

“Like all teams there are going to be internal conflict however we have also proven to be capable of working together under stressful situations and against all odds”

“So you admit that he’s probably going to cheat on you?” she arched her brow.

“Miss Everhart – it is Everhart right?” Tony interjected just to see her nostrils flare at the slight snub, “ My fidelity as you say has been something to speculate about over the years but I think you’d find that I’ve also had a past committed relationship before – I suppose you might always be wondering if I’m going to cheat on my partner no doubt the tabloids made half of their sales these past few years wondering about it” he said deprecatingly, eliciting a faint chuckle from the room, “ but I’ll simply say this – I’m attracted to amazing intelligent people – my ex-girlfriend is Pepper Potts, a brilliant young woman whom I still hold the utmost fondness and respect for and my boyfriend today is Steve Rogers – the man you know as Captain America. I don’t even need to tell you how amazing or intelligent he is – you can look at your history books if you want” he grinned.

“Somehow he always manages to sneak an old joke into every situation” deadpanned Steve and the audience laughed.

“And he’s handsome and witty too” said Tony with a wave of his hands.

“My point is – I have the full package next to me.” He shrugged.

“Aren’t you concerned that young people who look up to you are going to be negatively influenced by your decision?” sneered a middle aged lady wearing too much makeup.

“Ma’am,” said Steve quietly, “I’m concerned that civilians are going to get harmed in the crossfire of violence, I’m concerned that we still fight wars in this modern world, I’m concerned that one day there’ll be a threat that rises that we can’t beat” he rubbed his forehead as silence fell on the room, “ but the thing is – I’m not trying to influence anybody. I’m just a soldier who fights to defend the principles and rights this country was founded upon - rights I believe in such as the pursuit of happiness … and Tony – Tony makes me happy” he finished quietly.

Tony felt a lump in his throat and looked down at his fingers to recollect himself before looking up at them all and saying seriously, “I think that’ll be all for today”  he said placing his sunglasses on as a matter of habit before smirking, flashing the flashing lights a peace sign and casually taking Steve arm as they strode out.

He glanced at the taller man out the side of his glasses and met warm blue eyes so shyly sincere it was blinding.

 

His phone went off and he answered a smug looking Happy.

“Hey Hap”

“Hey Romeo” grinned his friend.

Tony groaned, “ Is this gonna be a thing now?”

“At every chance I get boss”

Steve chuckled at his side.

* * *

 

 

The slightly *worrying* feeling of buoyancy only lasted until they got off the elevator and entered the common area. Tony felt the mood shift as he saw all his team mates, sans a red headed femme fatale , gathered around in the living room.

“Anthony!” greeted Thor with only a shadow of his usual geniality.

“Sup Thundercat?” asked Tony sincerely.

It was serious when Thor didn’t even try to question the pop culture reference behind his nickname.

Thor sighed, “ I have come to ask for the aid of the rest of the Avengers . It seems that the research of my Lady Jane has been stolen”

“Stolen?” quizzed Steve.

“Aye. I know not the technological means  by which it occurred but her work on the Einstein Rosen Bridge has been taken”

Tony hated to be the asshole who asked but he said quietly , “ Have you checked SHIELD?”

Thor gave him a raised eyebrow before nodding, “ it did cross my mind but the son of Coul assured me that they have not taken the research.”

Well at least Thor wasn’t the blonde ditz people assumed he was by his behaviour.

“So you came here to double check as well?” ask Tony shrewdly and was rewarded by a slightly bashful glance.

“JARVIS? Does Dr Foster’s research appear anywhere in SHIELD’s databases? They might be hidden so cross-reference with key words pertaining to her focus of study”

“The search will take approximately ten minutes sir”

“So ten minutes to twiddle our thumbs” Tony shrugged before bodily falling on the couch, next to Clint.  

“So loverboy” drawled Clint with a leer, “ I saw the interview”

Tony groaned and tugged Steve down to the chair and halfway into his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

“Problem Clint?” he asked pointedly from behind Steve who was blushing slightly at the PDA.

“Yeah I’m worried what you’ll do when you finally have a real midlife crisis – you got the fast car, erratic behaviour and the blonde model half your age”

Steve chuckled and Tony said darkly, “Don’t you start grandpa”

Steve leant back to whisper in Tony’s ear, “ I’m young where it counts” having the inventor gulp audibly.

“Objection! Steve – doing the dirty with Stark has corrupted you!” 

Before Tony could toss out a retort Thor asked confusedly , “ the Captain and the Man of Iron are … together ?” his voice trailed off leaving an uncomfortable quiet.

Tony grinned his press smile before asking, “Problem with that Hammertime?”

Thor quickly shook his head, “ Nay, Anthony, relations between men are not unheard of in Asgard. I have even known many brave warriors who have had such ties with other men – my brother for one” he trailed off and his face darkened as a sure sign he was thinking of his bag of cats sibling.

Steve cleared his throat and said calmly despite his flaming red ears, “ Tony and I are dating  and I hope you can be understanding and supportive but I can understand if you need some time to wrap your head around it”

Thor broke into a grin and said genuinely, “ I am happy for your good news Captain”

 

“Okay” interjected Tony, “ that’s enough sentimentality for one day” he said with a wave of his hands.

“Let’s talk science. What exactly was the scope of her research and who do we know that would be interested in it?”

“ Jane has been conferring with me to repair the bifrost since it was destroyed.”

“The magical rainbow bridge?” asked Clint with a raised eyebrow.

Thor nodded.

“indeed”

“ So who wants a piece of wormhole action?” asked Tony.

“Who doesn’t ?” countered Bruce.

“Fair point” agreed Tony, “ A portal through space and time is the stuff wet dreams are made of so we can put every scientist and sci –fi fan on the list”

“But is the research complete?” asked Sam curiously.

“Nay, I fear we are years away from seeing it to fruition”

“Then taking the research at this point won’t really be a bright idea unless you have the know how” added Bruce as he removed his glasses and cleaned them.

“Also there’s the cost to consider” said Steve, “ while Dr Foster’s research is mostly theoretical, we need to assume that eventual implementation is the goal and so only organizations or people with the assets to fund research and development would be good suspects.”

“So a crazy organization with a Star Trek fixation?”  drawled Clint with an arched eyebrow.

Sam rubbed his brow, “ well don’t look at me for suggestions, I’m the new guy”  he said defensively from his perch on Clint’s armrest.

“If I may sir?” interjected JARVIS.

“Got something J?” asked Tony.

“I have completed research on all SHEILD databases and, while there is information pertaining to Dr Foster’s research, it does not appear to be the files in question”

“Figures” muttered Tony, “the one time where they could have made it easier for us by being the guilty party.”

“It’s a shock  - I know” called out Natasha as she strolled over.

“Tasha – my favourite smooth operator – tell me you got something for me” replied  Tony from behind Steve’s form.

“I double checked to see if anything was stored on hardcopies” she ignored Tony’s shudder.

“And?” prompted Sam.

“They’re clean – but I hear some interesting chatter. A meeting is going down that’s practically the who’s who of bad guys”

“Maybe they’re starting a softball team” drawled Clint.

“When?” asked Steve.

“ Probably tomorrow night” she said, “ the intel I have indicates that these people rarely ever come out in the open. So for them to gather so publicly it must be something big and I don’t believe in coincidences”

“Should we just go round them up?” asked Sam wearily.

Natasha shook her head. “ We still don’t have anything solid. Also there are civilians  as well as no fly personnel”

“What is this no – fly personnel?” asked Thor with a frown.

“There are certain people even SHEILD cant touch” growled Clint  with an ugly look.

Tony whistled. If the super-secret organization was treading with caution then something was definitely going down.

As if reading his thoughts, Natasha continued, “ I propose that Clint and I go investigate the meeting and report back”

Thor nodded, “This does seem to be a wise course of action.”

“ Will you be able to stay in contact?” asked Sam.

“Unlikely. Radio silence is the safest way to play this one” Clint was wearing his rare serious face, meaning he was in full mission mode.

Tony stifled the feeling of vague discomfort. This was a mission like any other to the Wonder Twins. They would be fine.

* * *

 

 

**The news was abuzz with the announcement  of Iron Man and Captain America. Tiberius Stone sat back in the sleek car that was taking him to the meeting.**

**Really, the paranoia of  some people were so tedious sometimes. He was not supposed to know where the meeting was taking place (but he did of course). He considered the proposal – the tentative alliance that was needed and could barely stifle a yawn.**

**He looked out at the location when they finally drew to a stop and could barely suppress an eyeroll – an abandoned warehouse – how cliché. Ennui was going to be the death of him.**

**Instead, his mind cycled back to his little Stardust. His little pet seemed to have forgotten his owner in his absence and he knew the reason why.**

**It was time for the first game to start.**

**He drew out his phone and quickly tapped away.**

**“Sorry sir” the gruff, accented  driver stopped him, “ no cell phones beyond this point”**

**He grinned up at the man and raised his hands in peace, “ no problem, just sending a message to an old friend”**

**He made a show of switching it off and removing the battery before turning it over to the outstretched hand.**

**One down.**


	17. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not an actual summary (but I felt like putting this quote because it fits my mood) *meh* 
> 
> Mark: But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a full chapter (there's more to come)  
> but I'm drunk (and I'm a sad drunk so I just felt like typing this )

* * *

 

The shrill cry of the telephone startled Tony out of sleep. He jumped up from his worktable disoriented rubbing his stiff neck. Memo to self – _don’t fall asleep there again_.

“J?” he groaned out in a sleep roughened voice.

“Apologies Sir, but Colonel Rhodes is on the line and it appears to be urgent”

“Mhmm” he grunted in reply and JARVIS helpfully answered for him.

“Hi Tony?” The concern in Rhodey’s voice snapped him awake. The soldier rarely ever sounded rattled but right now Tony could hear the nerves in his voice.

“What’s wrong Rhodey?” he asked quickly.

“I’m on the way to the hospital – they just called and said my mom got in an accident”

“Send me the co-ordinates , I’ll be there in ten”

There was the sound of Rhodey exhaling shakily, “ Mercy General, Manhattan and no suit Tony” he said in a failed attempt at humour before hanging up.

“Urghh!” Tony grunted as he sprinted to the elevator colliding with an unruly wall, to just get to a car because normal people drove cars even though there was a frantic voice in his head screaming to just hurry and suit up. _BE THERE IDIOT, YOU NEED TO BE THERE ALREADY!_

* * *

 

When he thought about Mrs Rhodes, the first instinct that came to him was safety. Warm brown arms that repeated in a soothing voice , “It’s alright, you’ll be okay” .

Tony could never articulate fully just what Roberta Rhodes meant – because how does one describe the colors of the rainbow to the blind? Which was why when he saw his significant other as he strode to the car, he ignored his questions and just dove into the vehicle, barking out the address to JARVIS.

 

Tony was vaguely aware that Steve was next to him on the drive to the hospital. He bit his thumbnail and commanded JARVIS to get him there as fast as possible, trusting his AI to navigate through the traffic because he wasn't sure he could at the moment.

***

_Through the haze warm hands appeared. They hugged him gently and led him to safety. The hands belonged to safe brown eyes that saw all without judgement or pity – only acceptance. They took in the bruises and carefully cleaned him. Tony breathed easily in those strange eyes and hands that gave love and comfort willingly without a price._

_And he finally allowed himself to cry._

***

“Roberta Rhodes” Tony snapped at the receptionist. His PR face was definitely on vacation.

“Room 302” the woman stammered out – not even bothering to ask if he was family.

There was a restraining hand on his shoulder which he shook off  as he raced for the elevator – fortunately empty.

A voice was calling him – he ignored it as the voice in his head screamed for him to get there faster.

Finally the elevator opened onto the floor and he shot ahead, scouring for the room number. The useless set up of the hospital had the numbers in reverse order meaning her room was nearer the other end of the hallway.

He burst into the room unceremoniously to hear that blessed, slightly scratchy, comforting drawl, “Well bless my stars, if it isn’t Anthony Stark”

And he allowed himself a moment to close his eyes to stop the rush of emotion as he replied without missing a beat , “ Hey Auntie Berta”.


	18. LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roberta hints at Tony's past   
> and Tony smells something rotten in the Allstate of Denmark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off - Happy Halloween !   
> Secondly - I know I suck on epic levels for such a late update but I'm in my final year and for some reason my lecturers seem to think death by paper cuts or asphyxiation from paper avalanche is a cool way to kill me ... also for some reason the lit my   
> classes are doing seem to veer towards depressing/dystopic /schizophrenic ... maybe they're sending me a message ... 
> 
> I thank everyone for being patient with me ( I can't promise long chapters or frequent updates BUT! this story aint dead ) 
> 
> I apologize if this sucks as far as updates go ...

The woman on the bed smiled warmly at Tony. “Well what’s a woman gotta do to get a hug around here?” she groused.

Tony walked forward and to Steve’s surprise gently enveloped her. By the time he drew back his playful face was on as he said teasingly, “ Roberta Rhodes how do you manage to look more beautiful every time I see you?”

She rolled her eyes and swatted his side as she replied bluntly, “ well one of us had to retain our youthful looks”

Rhodey chuckled and Steve cracked a smile from the doorway as Tony spluttered in mock outrage.

“ I’m half convinced this accident was just so she could ogle the nurses” deadpanned Colonel Rhodes.

“Hmm well – those male nurses’ scrubs are nice and tight around their tushes” the older woman mused thoughtfully as her son shuddered in horror.

Her eyes suddenly flickered to the doorway where Steve stood – and he had the feeling she had been observing him all along indirectly.

“Now, my throat is dry and I refuse to eat that crap they call food – Jamie darling – go get me a burger at least and something to drink, will you?”

“ Amen to that” nodded Tony.

“ Anthony, you’re going with him – Lord knows if I send this boy by himself I’ll expect my food next year” she said exasperatedly.

“Mom, I was seven and it was ONE time” whined the colonel looking for the world like a teenager in his frustration.

Steve buried a chuckle that threatened to escape. His mother Sarah used to give him hell all the time before she died as well.

Steve supposed it was a mom thing.

 

With some not-so-gentle looking prodding she sent Tony and Colonel Rhodes on their way. Tony shot Steve a half smile as he left.

***

As they walked down the corridor with quick but light paces of ones working under pure relief-meet adrenalin from avoiding the worst, Tony could not resist giddily nudging Rhodey, “ She’s totally grilling him now isn’t she?”

Rhodey actually chuckled as he shook his head for his childhood hero, “ Yup- God help him”

***

The snick of the door closing seemed to echo ominously in the little hospital room.

“So…” came the voice of the older woman, calling Steve back to attention. For some inexplicable reason he felt like saluting her and standing at attention, her reclined figure seemed to exude calm authority.

“You’re the dashing young man that’s got my Anthony all worked up” she smirked.

“Ma’am” he replied dutifully. What was Steve to say in a situation like that?

“Please, call me Berta, honey” she said with a dismissive wave before continuing, “ I’m not going to give you the shovel talk kid, because even though I could probably find a nice spot to hide your body if I needed to, I’m sure my son will beat me to it”

Steve tensed in apprehension.

“The thing is Captain; from what I’ve gathered from the lovely Miss Potts – who seems to be the only one who calls me consistently”, she said, and an aggravated note slipped into her voice, “ – is that you’re a good guy.”

Steve’s posture relaxed ever so slightly and he mussed up his hair in a distracted manner.

“ I care about Tony, Berta, I really do – you don’t need to worry about that”

“I really do” she replied quietly. And it was the quietness, devoid of aggression that gave him pause.

“I would never hurt him” he tried.

“Mhmm” she agreed, “you don’t seem the type to set out to do that. But Captain, you and I know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”

She shifted her weight on the bed, momentarily distracted as she tried to find a comfortable spot while taking care not to jostle her leg too much.

Steve moved forward on reflex and helped shift her pillows.

“Thank you” she returned gruffly, “ now here’s the thing, Tony’s past is his own to tell but you should bear this in mind -  it’s always the people that he loves that he lets hurt him the most – and he’s been hurt a lot. Also you need to give him lots of time and patience because Lord knows that boy can push away people and punch buttons like an expert”

Steve hid a grin, “I will Berta”

She sighed, “ you’ll give him time right? I wont pretend that I’m totally approving of your relationship – not in the way you’re thinking – but I hope you’ll treasure my Anthony the way that he deserves”

The fierce possessiveness she exuded reminded Steve painfully of his own mother. And to mothers, their babies never grew up, despite taking the shape of men. Steve knew that Tony was an orphan like himself but he had a sudden burst of relief at the knowledge that Roberta Rhodes was _there._ That Tony had someone like her fighting in his corner.

It did not escape him that she was hinting at something important. Maternal concern aside, her protectiveness bordered on fear but he knew better than to prod. It didn’t feel right to ask her about Tony’s past even if she was willing to talk. When Tony was ready he would tell him all about his past because Steve had realised in their short time together that there was so much _more_ to the man than the scandals and the public reports and that Tony, for all he lived his life in the spotlight, was a very private person.

He laid a gentle hand on her arm and he looked directly in her eyes as he replied, “ I do my best – that’s all I can promise”

The older woman watched his face carefully, taking in his stubbornly jutting chin  and gave a little huff before abruptly changing the subject.

 

***

They made their way back with the food and Tony unceremoniously opened the door, stating loudly, “ have you finished giving him the shovel talk?”

He found, much to his slight chagrin that Steve was perched on Auntie Berta’s bed, the two of them laughing and chatting.

The both looked up as he and Rhodey entered.

“ I gotta say I’m slightly disappointed – I expected a petrified Captain America when I entered” he said as he began setting out the food for her on the tray, wheeling it so that she could conformably reach everything. Rhodey was watching him with a fond look but didn’t interfere because Rhodey _got_ him like that.

“ Uhuh” agreed the Colonel, “are you getting soft mom?” he flicked his gaze over the Captain as if searching for hidden injuries.

“ Please boys, you act like I’d physically threaten anyone”

The two friends snorted in stereo.

“Mom, I’ve seen you make hardened criminals carry your groceries”

“You’d be surprised what being friends with Iron Man and War Machine and knowing how to make a good peach cobbler can do” she said airily.

“Speaking of threats of bodily harm” said Tony is a casual voice, “ who do I have to visit for causing injury to your esteemed personage?”

“Don’t worry Anthony, the car company guy came down before the paramedics could even get me out of the car – I swear the guy was practically hyperventilating with fear. Apparently there was a … technical malfunction or something that caused the brakes to fail. They’ve already covered my bill and arranged for a replacement vehicle”

“Nope, not good enough – I’ll have Happy come by with one of my cars when you’re discharged. Prepared to be driven around for a long time” Tony said lightly.

The older woman looked like she was going to argue but sighed and nodded in acquiescence much to Tony’s relief.

For the rest of their visit Tony kept up a steady light-hearted banter for the sake of appearance while inside his heart was beating a staccato.

Technical failure? He’d checked over the car himself when he and Rhodey had bought it for her – they’d gotten into an argument over who got to buy it because she refused to get two cars ‘to satisfy their male egos’. He’d stopped short of rebuilding it with JARVIS intact but he had made some tweaks here and there.

That car was supposed to be safe. Auntie Berta was supposed to be safe.

This was not an accident. This was a threat. This was an act of war.

And he would damn well give it to whoever was asking.


End file.
